Culpability

I know a woman who has had three deliberate accidents. Each time she thinks her husband might be thinking of leaving her. I don't know if it's a happy marriage or not. They argue a lot but some couples seem to thrive on that. But if she feels he's ready to leave I suspect that all is not well. Anyway she says he loves his children and would never leave whilst they were babies. Hence the accidents.

Sorry but I don’t think it’s any of your business gagajo if you had asked a hypothetical question about pregnancy and culpability it would be a good debate but I think to air someone’s else’s dirty washing on here isn’t a very good idea and not very kind and actually gossipy

I have a gut feeling the first wasn`t planned but the second was.
I say that only because he must have accepted the first a mistake and she thought sod it i want a second.that`s just my opinion.
And yes,he should have worn a condom to be sure of no mistakes.

IMO, I think there are men who don't like and don't want to wear condoms and look for any excuse to avoid it. BUT they still want to shirk the responsibility when pregnancy occurs.

It's about time that boys/men understood that contraception is an equal responsibility. Best to check the right amount of pills are in the packet on the mantelpiece before you stoke the fire!

Sound like they all need a bit of family therapy tbh.

You could give him a little booklet about "how babies are made". Then you could advise him that there is a product widely available called a "condom".
Then you could tell him he doesn't know how lucky he was, and he only has himself to blame that he has lost it all. (Because he will)

It's sad that he doesn't seem to love his children enough to overcome his bitterness.

But it’s the woman who has to carry the baby & go through the birth, ( which even today can result in death ) it’s the woman who is the one left ‘holding the baby’ when things go wrong. Look at Katie Price & her struggles with disabled son Harvey, where is the father? I don’t think I’ve ever seen him with his son. It’s always the woman left to cope.
That’s why they need to be the ones controlling the pregnancy situation.

Is it any of our business?

I think the trouble is, some men want to have their cake and eat it. They don't want to take any responsibility for contraception, but also want to claim sexism when the inevitable happens.

It's the 21st century, FFS. Take responsibility.

I hope his bitterness goes, they are his children too and it is a shared responsibility to avoid pregnancy. Children are very special and I hope he sees it this way otherwise he doesn’t deserve to be a father. He should face up to his responsibilities. Perhaps to make sure he doesn’t father any more ‘accidents’ he should keep IT in his pants! That or have the snip.

I agree Katie. Even if a man is not in a relationship, he is responsible. Takes two to make a baby.

If he is “in a relationship” he is responsible, you cannot rely on the pill to be 100%, there are plenty of failures. If it was a casual encounter and he used a condom then he can claim to be not responsible.

There is no blame, 2 children were born, he is liable for maintenance, it’s up to him what happens to the relationship. End of story.

As Missfoodlove says, this is a public forum. Imagine the DM looking for a filler piece. You could easily be identified gaga.

I’m a bit Oscar Wilde here, to father one child accidentally is one thing, but two is another entirely. I wouldn’t want a friendship with someone who discusses his children and their mither in this way.

Have you ever looked at Mumsnet Missfoodlove? If you think that is outing, Mumsnet would blow your mind.

That’s you told

I wouldn’t want to k ow such intimate details of a friends relationship.
Let alone to discuss it on an open forum.
I would say from what we know about you, you are easily identifiable.

I find it distasteful that a man would discuss his children and his partner in such a demeaning way with friends. He sounds like a real catch.

The woman says they were pill accidents. He thinks she hoodwinked him.

Personally, I think if a man doesn't want a pregnancy, he needs to wear a condom OR have a vasectomy. I don't have any sympathy.

I do also think it was deliberate and that she trapped him, given what I know of her. But despite that I STILL think it's his own fault. After the first accident, I would have taken charge of contraception, if I were him.

I think the biggest accident was your male friend meeting up with his partner in the first instance.

What does the woman have to say about it all?

I would avoid him as well I am afraid.

If he was so upset by the first “accident” then he should have taken responsibility to avoid another one rather than leave it all to his partner.

I feel for his poor children being referred to as unplanned accidents when discussing them with friends.

I agree with Riverwalk , what’s done is done, they’re his children, I wouldn’t want to be with somebody who whinged and whined about his own children.
I would steer clear of him.

I’m afraid I’m old school and feel that preventing pregnancy is down to the woman. Plenty of reliable contraception available so no need to keep having ‘accidents’ - condoms to prevent sexually transmitted disease yes, but once you’re in a committed relationship then the woman takes control of preventing pregnancy.
I’d be fuming if a woman tried to trap my son with an ‘accident’.
I don’t blame men who walk away from something they never wanted in the 1st place. Not talking about long term relationships & marriage of course, but couples who have only been together a few months & woman gets pregnant?
I wouldn’t judge the man.