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Is this still a friendship

(14 Posts)
ceejayjay Fri 05-Mar-21 07:49:51

Good morning smile

Could I get peoples views on this please as I have mental health issues & struggle to trust my own thoughts & feelings at times.

A year ago my first gc was born. I sent pictures & news of him to one of my oldest friends. When her son was little I helped her with childcare as much as I could & she would help me in other practical ways. Anyway over the years she has moved a few miles away & we only see each other maybe 2 times a year & message as & when which is totally fine.

I messaged on the day my gc was born with photos & as we were all in lockdown wanted to give some good news to my friend. Not all good news as there were some health issues which I shared.

As we were messaging I got some news that my daughter could actually hear my gc screaming as they performed a lumbar puncture down the corridor which I relayed to my friend as I was feeling pretty helpless at this point.

Anyway working FT nights plus overtime in the NHS, the next few months were a blur of work & supporting my daughter as her partner was working away & baby was constantly screaming. 2 months later a message pinged in wanting my husband to go fix her Mums car & no mention of the baby or his health. Having seen the 2 messages together in my chat history I felt like this was so hurtful. I cannot understand why she never followed up to see how the lumbar puncture went. Is it me ? Should I of messaged her & told her the outcome ? Do we still have a friendship as I’m feeling angry too ?Thanks for reading xx

Hetty58 Fri 05-Mar-21 08:17:55

I think we have to make allowances right now. We're living in very strange times and we're not always aware of the problems that others are facing.

Yes, of course, she should have responded at the time. I'd just forgive her and let it go, though. Sometimes, people are at a complete loss and unsure how to reply. Perhaps she was waiting for an update?

M0nica Fri 05-Mar-21 08:24:04

Some people have great problems dealing with other peoples sadnesses. The kind of people, who cross the road to avoid speaking to you after a bereavement, not because they do not care be because they do not know what to say and cannot cope with devastating emotions.

I can truly understand your upset, I wold feel the same way. Perhaps let things rest for a while and leave her to contact you. See how you feel then and go from there.

gt66 Fri 05-Mar-21 08:35:48

No I don't blame for for feeling cross; I would feel the same.

It's hard to see it any other way; that's she's only contacting you because she wants something, but you know your friend best. Sorry if that sounds blunt, but that's my take on it.

FindingNemo15 Fri 05-Mar-21 08:41:45

I think she should have contacted you and I would leave the ball in her court.

Nonogran Fri 05-Mar-21 09:23:29

I think Covid has put a strain on "friendships" & whether we realise it or not it might have sorted out the "wheat from the chaff." At my age I only have a small group of friends and have felt dismayed that it's me who sends the text to ask others "Are you ok? How's things?" There's then a flurry of texting but that's all. (I can't make calls - hard of hearing).
After a time lapse, sadly, nothing spontaneously back the other way. I'll wait until we are allowed normal life again & if I'm not contacted I'll let things go. Won't bother & sail through life "friendless!" In my humble opinion, friendship should be a two way street.
Luckily I'm self contained & can accept & enjoy solo life so it'll be interesting to see who, if anyone, pops back into my life. I hate the fact it seems to be a one way street but I can live with that.

Alexa Fri 05-Mar-21 10:15:24

Who had the lumbar puncture? Why did someone have the lumbar puncture? Who was it that was screaming? Perhaps you did not make clear what was happening.

ceejayjay Fri 05-Mar-21 10:26:22

Thankyou for all your replies I appreciate your perspective.

Alexa, It was my gc having the lumbar & this was due to health issues at birth They thought possible meningitis. He was born with a health issue which we knew about pre birth xx

JuneRose Fri 05-Mar-21 13:12:52

I understood the opening post and thought it was quite clear. I think I would feel the same as you ceejay. I think it will affect the way you feel about your friend. I hope the baby is doing well. You've had a tough year by the sound of it. X

Cathymac Fri 05-Mar-21 13:15:35

I would find this very if my friend did not care .

timetogo2016 Fri 05-Mar-21 13:19:33

I agree with you M0nica.
Everyone deals with sad news differently.

ceejayjay Tue 09-Mar-21 07:19:56

My friend has made contact after I have just lost my Mum unexpectedly.

She is angry I didn’t let her know my Mum has died. She asked why I’ve been distance so I was honest about how hurt I was about my GC. She is angry I didn’t think it was out of character for her to not ask after him & I didn’t contact her to see if she was ok & give her update on baby. Her words were “so one thing has turned you against me after all the years I’ve been there for you ? “

I think this could of been repaired but now I’m not so sure ........

mumofmadboys Tue 09-Mar-21 07:40:26

Can you phone her and just say sorry there has been a misunderstanding and can you please get your friendship back on track?

mumofmadboys Tue 09-Mar-21 07:40:52

Sorry you have lost your mum.