Grown up daughter another forgotten birthday

Heck, I even forget my birthday! I wrote all the birthdays on the calendar on New Year’s Eve after half a bottle of champagne, and copied some of them wrongly from last year’s calendar, so this year is likely to be a bit hit-and-miss.

Good advice oodles.

I think if anyone decides to take the advice that some people have given, to deliberately not remember her birthday, this would be the death knell for any further father or mother birthdays being remembered by her, and I think this would accurately be described as being passive aggressive. Never a good idea to try and improve things by doing things that will make things worse. Do you want to never again acknowledge her birthday, which is what you'd be setting yourself up for if you did that.
None of us know your family dynamics, what about having a get together when able to, to celebrate all those times in lockdown you weren't able to get together, not just birthdays but anniversaries and anything else y oh might hade celebrated, you could have a big cake or a load if iced buns and remember all the missed birthdays, anniversaries and fathers days etc. Don't throw a match on dry vegetation

I told my step-daughter and step-son that my hubby (their dad) was sad when his bday wasn't acknowledged. He received a card and a gift the following year. No harm done and a happy hubby.

Sharon I agree with you too.
In fact, I think that I should also step up to the plate; get on the blower and give her an earful!

Sharon103
Not at all - I agree with you

Am I the only one that thinks that her dad ought to be phoning his daughter and telling her how disappointed he feels that he didn't get a card on his birthday.

Oh there’s really no nice way of putting this one! The two people who raised her, 2 dates is all she needs to remember before she won’t get the chance to forget. I’m the same, don’t want anything from them, but if I didn’t get a card or worse still, if their dad didn’t get one ( we always feel it more for the other half I think) then I’d not send her one either..... when she then “somehow” brings it up..... I’d just say “ oh I thought we weren’t doing ADULT birthdays anymore. If nothing else, she’d get the message and feel the metaphoric “stamp”. I feel your pain, and no I bleeding well wouldn’t remind her, she doesn’t have the excuse we have “old age”. I’m fuming for you, you can buy a card for 50p in Asda... or even a phone call, but absolutely no acknowledgement... nope! Grown up or not, she’d get a piece of my tongue.... then a cuddle if she genuinely apologised.

I usually text and remind my lot of any impending birthday to avoid just this situation. X

I understand how you feel. Regardless of what she says in return you need to tell her that her Dad seemed hurt she had forgotten. Both my boys forgot my birthday last year and I was hurt for a long time. I actually said to one son are we not doing birthdays anymore. He looked embarrassed and made an effort for Christmas.

fluttERBY123
This has to be tongue in cheek

Your DD is not a very nice person. Who ‘forgets’ their own DF’s birthday two years running and then insults the person who kindly tries to remind them?

She deserves a good kick up the backside but this is not legal so buy her a calendar for Christmas with every member of the family’s birthday pre filled in.

You might like to add on the envelope, ‘Remember the inheritance, Serpent.’

(Joking)

The only way for her to learn is for her to feel how much it hurts, don't bother with her birthday, no card, no phone call, not a single mention. Make sure you still remember her Husband and the children's birthdays. When she reminds you that you have missed hers just shrug.

Thoughtless and selfish comes to mind.l would be tempted not to bother with hers and when questioned say l thought we were not bothering anymore.
Use the money saved to treat you and hubby.

helenlouise I agree with your. My son also has a very heavy demands on his daily life. Not just work or home but in many ways that must wear him down. He is loving and caring to all the family, he just forgets things. Birthdays, dates, times. If I had his life I would forget things too.

I think she should know how she made her father feel on his special day .
The only way she might realize what that feels like is if she finds herself in the same situation on her birthday ...then yiu could say that you thought she just wasn' t doing birthdays anymore . I have had to do this with siblings and friends re xmas cards, birthday wishes etc. All it takes is a calendar, a pen and a phone ....and a bit of thought for her parents.

PS - those who say they have busy lives - well, didn’t we all? We remembered birthdays - my children remember birthdays - all very Very busy - a lawyer QC - a GP and a consultant surgeon - With children - home schooling etc etc . I have to remind the surgeon - but he always sorts something out. I guess I’m a retired bossy teacher -

I’m afraid I agree absolutely with FannyCornforth - I feel so sorry for your husband - it really is most unkind - I think you should tell your daughter how sad he was that she didn’t acknowledge his birthday- passive aggressive indeed - she’s got a lot to learn- thoughtless, unkind and lacking in wisdom and empathy. No excuses . Sorry if I sound harsh but your message made me angry. ????Happy Birthday to him .

Remind them, they have busy lives.

Janet10 -my thoughts exactly. I have every ones birthdays and anniversaries written down on my calendar, just in case I'd forget. My daughter remembers everything that's going on. My son is absolutely useless. He forgot both my birthday and his niece's this year and even though I reminded him last week about his other niece's birthday, he forgot again. He doesn't do it deliberately. He has 4 children and holds a management role in a company where he works 6 days a week. Just because he forgets birthdays doesn't mean that he doesn't love me -I know he does.

Sadly your daughter appears to be very selfish. Everybody forgets so,ermines, but a phone call to say Hapoy Birthday is worth millions.

Well said!

No excuse for it...especially for the second year running. I would tell her straight that she is being selfish, thoughtless and uncaring to her Father!! She is lucky to have her Father still with her.
Passive Agressive she says....I would show her bloody Anger this time!!

That awful. My daughter has done similar to me. I told her off! And for the late Mother's Day card from a previous year. She has all sorts of lame excuses. Then I get a late card which isn't a proper birthday card. Very hurtful when we do so much etc. Seems selfish to me.

I would never dream of missing my parents birthday, that would be so hurtful. It’s thoughtless and selfish. Which is just about right for some of the younger generation. Stuff upsetting her, tell her straight, how hurt he was