Grown up daughter another forgotten birthday

Sounds to me like your daughter needs a kick up the backside!!! Or you forget her and her husbands birthdays . See how she likes a taste of her own medicine!!!

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Could you not text your daughter today and say something like - ‘hi love, don’t mind me mentioning it but dad was upset he didn’t hear from you on his birthday. Would you mind just sending a little text wishing him a belated birthday. It would mean the world to him. Lots of love. ‘
If she does not reply or act on this then there must be some other issues other than the birthday involved.

I know what you mean and I understand it is very hurtful when a loved one forgets or doesnt bother with acknowledging your birthday or any life events x

It really isn't difficult to remember birthdays and anniversaries in this day and age when most people have mobile phones. I have all the family and friends birthdays and other important dates in the calendar in my phone with reminders set for 1 week before. I do also have them all written on the calendar in the kitchen and it has become a New Years Day ritual to transfer them to the new calendar.

Sorry to sound unsympathetic, but in today's World when we don't know when anything will ever be 'normal' again and families struggling with no job or no home, I find being upset about the lack of a birthday card as very childish. If it was a child who had not had a birthday card I could understand it - but a grown man - or woman. If that was all I had to worry about I would thank my lucky stars.
However, it is as well we are not all the same!

My children never forget mine but I do remind them about other birthdays- perhaps you cd try ‘forgetting’ hers and if she asks then you cd respond that you thought she’d decided not to mark birthdays

I think our generation rightly or wrongly soof expect a call or some sort of contact on special occasions - try not to be too hurt with young children and a very hectic time recently it could be she literally forgot x

I always send a text to all my sons reminding them of so and so’s birthdays and they don’t mind but whoever gets a card or message at least . My husband has even been known to ask me when his birthday is ! ?

Must admit I'd be very hurt if my daughter forgot either my or her dad's birthdays. And she never has. On the excuses side, maybe she just lost track of the date - it is easy to do, and I've often done that myself. But really, that's why we have calendars and diaries to remind us of important dates. And two years running is bad. What happens when you send her cards/presents on her birthday? Does she respond and thank you? Or ignore it?

Phone her or text if you do not want to speak to her, and tell her how disappointed you are that she did not remember her father's birthday. I nearly always send reminders out when it is birthday time for any of my kids. Even grown up children are very selfish and should be reminded of etiquette.

Well saying a reminder is passive agressive is a bit much imho.
Passive agressive was my mil sending cards and even gifts in our name to people she thoight we should send them too. Making us feel stuoid when someone thanked us for a gift or wondered why we had sent them two cards!!

I think she has stopped. Although our son regularly gets cards from her next door neighbours and friends and strangely they all have the same handwriting as mil!!

How sad. It's not difficulty to remember birthdays. You simply make a note in your diary and send a card, present, email or even a text.

I think birthdays are important, it's your one personal day of the year and I think you have every right be upset on behalf of your husband.

Maybe forget your daughters birthday next time and when she asks you about it say 'oh I thought you thought birthdays aren't important given that you ignored your Dads.' I bet she thinks twice next time.

My dad forgets my birthday every single year. Or is out by a month or so either way! He apologies (If I remind him he's missed it!). He only has two children (54 and 57), but never remembers my brother's, either. It is hurtful and upsetting. I don't want a present, just a card, to let me know he has thought about me. If it is the other way round, all hell would break loose! He says at 90, he can't remember things, but he is as sharp as a tack, and I buy him a calendar every year, and put on all the dates that he may want to remember, but it still doesn't help. So I can feel your sadness.

I would also be upset- in fact I have this with one of my adult children.
Like you a card would suffice, but it is so rude and thoughtless in my opinion to just not bother.
I'm waiting to see if I get a Mother's day card, and if not then I'm afraid I'm just going to act the same way. Why bother if they don't.

My DH & I don't really celebrate our birthdays - we see it as something for children so it wouldn;t have bothered us. I generally remember my children/grandchildrens birthdays but only the DGC get cards- the adults get a text

This is very upsetting for your husband that the daughter you love has ignored his birthday. There are no excuses of busy/slipped my mind etc. It is hurtful and unacceptable. It is not just about kids we all have a birthday and to most people it is special. You are right to be upset and if this was my daughter I would ask why and be concerned that there was a reason for it.

Next time you speak to her, just drop into the conversation that you had a nice meal together at home for Dad's birthday, shame you couldn't go out / Dad had a strange birthday as no one could visit etc.
There is no excuse that she missed it! She can easily put a reminder on her phone/ computer. I mean, all he wanted was a phone call! Just a quick call so he could have heard the GC and she could have said "Sorry, haven't been able to get out to buy a present" you can send a card via post from several websites too!
Forget the passive/aggressive psycho babble, she is in the wrong!

Sending your dh an air hug for his birthday, albeit belated.

Luckygirl, you said “Phrases like "passive-aggressive", "respecting boundaries" and "narcissistic" are all the rage now - take a peek at Mumsnet.

This sort of cod psychology simply consists of slapping a random label on someone when they do something that you do not like”

Yes, yes yes! I get so cross about this.

My daughter genuinely used to forget so I used to send her a reminder. She still forgot sometimes but it didn’t really matter. She was just very busy.

Adult children can be self centred pompous gits tbh. I was pulled up last week for missing the stepson's girlfriend's birthday - she's a lovely girl and I wouldn't have deliberately forgotten it, we just never knew it! I did struggle not to be affronted by the reminder especially as I have only ever received a bday card once in over 20 years from SS, and that was only because he was invited to dinner on my birthday. I'm not particularly bothered by the lack of gestures over the years but the double standard seriously hacked me off.

So you have my sympathy and happy birthday to your husband - you have every right to be angry and upset on his behalf and it's not passive aggression. It's honest feeling.

No excuse, None of us or adult children forget parents birthday or our children’s, everything’s written on a calendar , I can understand why he would be hurt, it takes seconds to text

to your husband from me. xx

Again excuses are made for adult children and their often thoughtless behaviour. I'm sorry your husband felt so disappointed Pumpkinpie, considering your daughter lives such a short distance away it was inexcusable.
Don't fret about it though enjoy your birthday tea together, tomorrow is another day.