OMG what a mess. I have no idea how you have put up with it all over the years.
It's very difficult for anyone outside of the family to really know the dynamics of the relationships between the people involved.
In my honest opinion:
I would not under any circumstances work round this women, she is a control freak.
Do not have any contact with this women or your x.
You don't say how old your children and grandchildren are but I'll assume your children are over 30 years old and the grandchildren over 15 years old.
You need to start having a life for yourself, you're 72 there are lots of things you can do.PM me for suggestions.
These suggestions are flexible:
Forget about arranging anything for Christmas she'll always block that.
Contact your children and grandchildren when you want to see them.
Say something like, I'd love you to come round for tea and cake and a chat, what time is best for you, or get back to me with a date and time. Leave the decision to them.
What about a day out together, depends on their interests, see what they say.
You could even suggest a weekend away.
Life can be short and we have to grab every moment we have filling our lives with things which make us happy.
Try and think positive, don't be despondent if these ideas don't work, just keep asking.
The main thing is improve your life outside of the family so you have other things which you look forward too.
Best of luck
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