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Feeling hurt

(14 Posts)
Sophie22 Mon 24-May-21 18:32:55

Hi all am i wrong to feel hurt and upset, there has been no affection in our marriage now for about a year but he always has time to cuddle our dog, i have tried to get close to him but he does not want to know so now we hardly talk let alone anything else any advice would be grateful
we have been together for 21 years.

Mouseybrown60 Mon 24-May-21 18:41:39

I hope someone else will come along to give you advice Sophie22, you sound so sad. Unfortunately I’m not much good at giving advice regarding relationships.

Harris27 Mon 24-May-21 18:47:48

If this is how it’s going you may be better off by yourself. I know as you get older it’s hard but if he won’t talk to you and doesn’t show affection what have you really got left?

mumofmadboys Mon 24-May-21 18:47:53

Can you try and get him to talk about it? How old is he and how is his health? Has he any worries?

Sophie22 Mon 24-May-21 18:51:43

he is 57 and i am 64 it seems the dog has always got to come first

mumofmadboys Mon 24-May-21 18:54:36

Does he have an problems with ED? Could he be avoiding being intimate because of worries he can't perform?

Sophie22 Mon 24-May-21 18:58:29

Sometimes he does i said to him if he his not able to could we not just have a cuddle instead but all he seems to want to cuddle his the dog and make a fuss of him

cornishpatsy Mon 24-May-21 18:59:05

It is him you should be talking to. Ask him if he wants the relationship to continue, sadly he may have stopped loving you.

mumofmadboys Mon 24-May-21 19:03:49

Can you try being more affectionate towards him in gentle ways ? You have probably tried this but he may be losing his holding hands, putting an arm around him, cuddling up in bed. You need to encourage him to talk when the moment is right. Good luck .

Nonogran Mon 24-May-21 20:05:49

See if you can get him on his own over a meal out. Sometimes being "off site" & relaxed with a few drinks might get him to open up. If your efforts continue to fail and after a suitably appropriate period of time trying, don't waste your life on a lost & lonely cause. Look at your options & maybe separate? Sounds like you're as lonely with him as you would be without him. I wish you strength as you face what needs to be done. Life is too short .....

TrendyNannie6 Mon 24-May-21 20:19:15

Why don’t you ask him what’s wrong, how he feels etc , it’s not a new relationship you have been together 21 years, if he has problems with ED then I think maybe it just might have something to do with it, of course it doesn’t make it right, and he should still be showing you affection, he might not want to talk of course, but there’s more than him in your relationship and he owes you an explanation Sophie, of course you will feel hurt, I would too if my DH was taking more notice of the dog! Wishing you all the best and hoping you find out what’s going on x

Sparkling Tue 25-May-21 07:19:17

Why don't you make a date with him, get a take away and concentrate on each other, failing that ask him if he can give you fifteen minutes, without dog to talk to him, tell him how you feel, only the two if you can sort this out, it. won't just get better on its own. He might have worries about something that's weighing on him, the dog doesn't ask anything of him, just there to walk and cuddle. You can't go on as it is, best to know what is wrong.

AGAA4 Tue 25-May-21 08:00:21

Could he be having an affair? This behaviour may point to that possibility.

grandtanteJE65 Wed 26-May-21 13:10:48

This started a year ago, you say, so think back.

Something significant must have happened about then to cause this.

Could it be due to lockdown?

Once when I asked my husband what was wrong, it transpired he felt I had turned him down flat when he felt like sex. I had genuinely no recollection of the incident he was referring to. Finally, he accepted that I just had not realised what he was hinting on that day. It happened while my sister was dying, which probably contributed to my not cottoning on to what he really was saying.

Could your husband be feeling "put down" in the same way?

Can you get him to talk about what is bothering him?

Have you tried walking around the bedroom in whatever you know turns him on?

I am not trying to say this is your fault, but somewhere something has gone wrong, and if it is just a case of crossed wires then it pays to get it sorted out.

Sorry, just re-read your post and see you have tried to get close to him.

Have you also tried telling him that you are worried about him?

Finally, has anything similar happened earlier on in your marriage and how did you cope/ solve the problem then?

Not looking for an answer - it's none of my business, but might help you to find out what is going on.

Has his behaviour changed in other ways too?