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Arguing.. I've given up

(10 Posts)
Lucyloo12 Thu 03-Jun-21 12:21:01

Hi all, long story short.... I have been estranged from my daughters, one for 2 years and the other on and off for ages... the latest being 3 months, neither want to speak to me due to them not liking my partner, the last time she spoke I didn't, she just ranted calling me all the names she could think of, put the phone down and blocked me on all social sites. Partner and I recently separated for a couple of months so I have been on my own for that time. Partner has now come back, which I am happy about. However for some reason I have given up arguing with anyone... I usually have something to say! Partner tried to argue last night and I just switched off, didn't rise to the bait at all... he is confused, so am I. I've just given up with the hassle and stress and havnt the energy to retaliate. Is this normal... I feel I've taken so much abuse there is nothing left. Anyone else got to this stage in life? I'm so calm its freaky!

Newatthis Thu 03-Jun-21 12:28:03

It is exhausting I must admit. DH is very non confrontational which means I am the one who always has to speak up and argue our case (whatever that might be). Therefore I am seen as the bad cop he being the good cop. You say you split with your partner then recently got back - might your daughters be a little right about your relationship with him? Sometimes our children see more than we can when it comes to relationships.

Hithere Thu 03-Jun-21 13:10:27

Do you think they have valid concerns about the relationship?

Without you sharing details, there are red flags on the relationship

Have your daughters try to talk about what bothers them?

geekesse Thu 03-Jun-21 13:20:22

Consider whether you may have depression. Some people are calm by nature, but if you find yourself unable to arouse emotion when that is not normal for you, it may suggest the kind of change in personality associated with depression. See your GP, perhaps?

Lucyloo12 Thu 03-Jun-21 13:22:11

My daughters have objected to my every move since my husband died 15 years ago. I am blamed for all perceived wrongdoings throughout their lives, obviously husband was a Saint. The bullying has been relentless all that time and I'm worn out. No matter what I do its wrong and I've given up.

Hithere Thu 03-Jun-21 16:08:43

So this has been going on for more than a decade.

A word of caution: perceived wrongdoings on one side are the reality of the other side.

welbeck Thu 03-Jun-21 16:21:03

i presume your husband who died was the girls' father.
interesting that you do not refer to him as that.

luluaugust Thu 03-Jun-21 16:56:22

Presumably your girls loved Dad and I know this can lead to unreasonable behaviour when you want to move on but your relationship with your partner doesn't sound that great, with him coming and going. Where could he go in Lockdown? I would have to sit down and chat to my daughters and find out why they feel as they do 10 years on, it could be enlightening. I am not sure if you are depressed but not caring one way or the other about things is not great.

DiscoDancer1975 Thu 03-Jun-21 17:02:04

You sound exhausted and bored with it all to be honest. If it were me, I definitely wouldn’t want to lose my daughters, and would fight tooth and nail to get to the bottom of why they don’t like your partner. However, I’d still want my own life too. How does your partner feel about this? Does he care? If he doesn’t, it could be a good indication as to why he not liked.

Smileless2012 Thu 03-Jun-21 17:07:05

If your D's do have genuine concerns about your partner Lucyloo that certainly doesn't excuse you being verbally abused and bullying is completely unacceptable.

You have the right to choose your partner, just as they have the right to choose theirs. I wonder how they'd have felt if you estranged them and/or verbally bullied them because you disapproved of their choice of partner.

To still be behaving this way 15 years after the death of your H, their father IMO, shows they have some growing up to do.

As for no longer wishing to argue, I'm not surprised as you've probably had enough of that now to last a life time. It would be an idea to discuss with your GP in case you are depressed but certainly have a chat to your partner about it and explain how you feel and why. flowers.