Husband becoming obsessed with much younger single neighbour

True I am not up to date on divorce law , but see I'm wrong, which is a shame for anyone in this position. Like others say, the best thing is to get a professional evaluation and then make a decision based on that. I agree that it's best not to be alone with him. Yes we have seen posts where the person would not have got the help they were due if their spouse accepted them home. I agree, they both do need help of different types.

PS I don't buy magazines. I gave them up years ago. I seem to remember Hello magazine being a glossy celebrity type magazine, if my memory serves me well.

Yes, you are right, I only read the second one.
I dont agree with divorcing him but OP shouldn't be with him unsupervised, just in case, for her own safety

She certainly did. Post of 10.07. Suspect you only read her second one.

She did not mention...

I understand where Upwardsandownwards is coming from
She said not mention divorce in her post at all.

OP's DH needs to be cared by professionals.
He is clearly dangerous to himself and others.

We have seen too many threads where the poster had to insist that the patient wasnt coming home with her.

OnwardandUpward, this man is clearly ill and with treatment may return to his former self. We don’t know. Only a qualified doctor can give a diagnosis and prognosis. Bettinalove may find that, with treatment, things get back to normal.
If she does eventually decide she wants a divorce she will not get a ‘great settlement’ because of his behaviour. The judge will take account of the respective parties’ needs, among other things, not what the husband did whilst ill. You really have no idea (as a solicitor I do) and sound like you’ve been reading too many Hello type magazines.

Oh dear onwardandupward this ladies husband is obviously mentally unwell and with the correct diagnosis and medication and family help there may be no need for your extreme remedies
It is all out in the open now and if it turns out there is no mental condition then Bettina has to seriously think about what to do in the way of leaving BUT if as most people on here believe he is diagnosed with a mental illness that can be controlled (Alzheimer’s or Parkinson’s or whatever) then he needs care and understanding too

You are not taking into consideration that he possibly isn’t in his right mind isn’t a normal thinking person at the moment you are talking as if he is a cheating, wife beating man there is nothing at all to suggest that he’s ever been a bad husband in their married life
They both need help but in very different ways

PS don't let the hospital discharge him to you. Refuse on the basis that he is violent (he has shown he has the propensity to be violent when challenged) Don't put yourself at risk, Bettinalove.
This is not someone you should be with, for your own protection and self esteem.

Oh Bettinalove, I am so sorry for all your troubles!
It almost seems poetic that your husband is in hospital after his admission to your son that he was looking for someone else. I'm so sorry for your hurt and for the embarassment but I feel sure your neighbours are not laughing at you, how could anyone laugh at this devastating situation? They would have to be inhuman.

I'm glad your Daughter in law stayed with you and really , really hope that your husband gets a mental health assessment when he's in the hospital. Make sure you tell the medical staff everything or get your sons to. I think divorce might be a good way to protect your future now and because of his admitted unreasonable behaviour I think you would get a great settlement. You should not worry about what he would get seeing as he has not thought about you. I imagine your sons are pretty disgusted with him as well.

Everyone here is rooting for you

Any updates Bettinalove? We were all so concerned about you and your predicament. I hope your DH is still in hospital.

Oh Bettinalove I hope you realise that everyone is sympathetic and supportive especially here. SO glad you have a supportive family-shows what a good job you’ve done raising them, well done. Hope you and your DH get the help you now both need-not in a few months; shame on that GP! All the best dear, hang on in there ?

Only just read this thread and I’m so sorry for your situation. As others have said it’s so good you have a supportive family. It’s awful that this problem escalated so quickly but it’s out in the open now and hopefully your husband and you will get the help you both need.

As for neighbours laughing at you - I very much doubt they are. They probably feel very sympathetic towards you so don’t worry about that and take care

Another who wanted to reassure you that I'm sure no-one is laughing. Most likely they are all aware that they, too, will age and who knows what that brings them?

I'm sorry you're going through this. It's a hard thing to have to deal with.

I’m sure none of us expected this to escalate as quickly as it has, thankfully your family has rallied around you. In conjunction with them insist on proper diagnosis and medication for your husband before he comes home and make sure a proper care package is in place. You are going to need help to some extent.

Such a sad story you have my sincere sympathy

It is so sad that you have single-handedly faced this very difficult situation on your own for so long.
The responses of your family, the actions of your neighbour and the phone call from the woman across the road are expressions of the concern, compassion and desire to protect you which have been shown by the many posters here. No one could possibly laugh at you. Be swayed by the reactions on GN that those who live near you feel the same way.
Please be firm and insist upon receiving help without delay. Whilst your husband needs assessment, you need support.

Thank you for taking the time and energy to update - I am sure I am one of many who have been thinking of you.
So sorry you are going through this, it must be truly awful for you all, including your husband, and I do hope the time in hospital includes an assessment of his wider physical and mental health. Your family sound lovely and helpful and good that they are now 'in the picture' and can support you both.
I am sure your neighbours will be sympathetic and understanding, as a previous poster said 'having tests' is a good phrase to use. Try and rest and if you feel up to it maybe get some things on paper - events, dates - as that could perhaps help with a diagnosis.

PippaZ

What a lovely, supportive family you have Bettinalove. Although this must have felt so traumatic it should bring things to a head and allow the doctors to work out exactly what is going on. I do wish you well and I wish you peace.

This is exactly what I would have posted.

Hold your head up and if you can smile and pass the time of day with your neighbours.

Things have come to a head- not in a way you could have imagined. Your family sounds wonderfully supportive.

Rest assured nobody is laughing at you- as neighbours tend to be they are curious as to why it happened- and will be totally on board with the explanation that he is undergoing tests whilst he is in hospital.

What a lovely, supportive family you have Bettinalove. Although this must have felt so traumatic it should bring things to a head and allow the doctors to work out exactly what is going on. I do wish you well and I wish you peace.

So sorry Bettinaloveno one is laughing, it is very sad. I hope your husband gets the help he needs.

Dear Bettinalove, I’m so sorry you’ve been having such an awful time but thankfully you seem to have a supportive family. It must be so difficult for them too seeing their dad’s behaviour. I don’t think the neighbours will be laughing. It is good that the lady your OH has been fantasising about knows there may be a problem. It would be excellent if he can get the right sort of help now he’s in hospital. Best wishes.

Bettinalove I don't have any more to add to the excellent advice you've already been given by other friends on here.
Truly, there but for the grace of God go any number of us.
Hold your head up sweetheart x

Aww, bless you. I’m so sorry, but it kind of needed to happen. Now it’s all out there, you can start to plan your next steps. So glad your children are supporting you. It does sound like he’s ill doesn’t it? As someone else said, he’s in the best place to get assessed, and hopefully now he’ll get the help he needs. Look after yourself, and please come back and let us know how things go.

All the best?

Lots of good advice on this thread. I'm also sure nobody is laughing at you. If you've seen a smile or what looks like laughter, remember that it's almost certainly the kind of nervous response that we've all seen some have in stressful situations and not in any way directed to you!

Agree with all encouraging you to take advantage of this time to insist that your husband gets tested before he's able to come home and to gather your children around so you can have some much needed rest and support. Please don't worry about the neighbors. What they think is truly of no consequence!

Although his fall can’t have been pleasant for him, it’s good that he’s in hospital. It’s good that the police have been called. It’s good that there are witnesses to his behaviour. I promise, it may feel horrible but all of this will support you and him in making sure he gets help.

Bettinalove - I think you can see here that nobody is laughing at you and the terrible turn of events. Even without knowing you, we can all see that your husband is not himself and is suffering from mental ill-health.

His actions have been upsetting and perplexing for some time now, and though it must be hard to accept, he definitely needs help.

He seems to have moved beyond what is acceptable when talking to the people in the road, so I'm sure the person who called the police just wanted to try to prevent an accident occurring. I'm sure I would have done the same if someone was behaving in a volatile way and shouting too.

I am pleased you have a good strong family, and although I'm deeply sorry for his fall, it does as you say, give you an opportunity to settle and reevaluate the possibilities ahead, alongside your family.

Sending you
You will no doubt have a difficult time ahead, but with your family and friends will get through.