Husband becoming obsessed with much younger single neighbour

Perhaps her son has told her not to put anything on GN as it is a family matter. If she has told him that is.

So no bettina it’s now two days since she was going to talk it through with her son ?

It is pointless talking to a GP as the husband does not see he is doing anything wrong so will not visit a GP. As for reporting to the police, he has not committed an offence and it would be impossible to live together after.

I hope the family come up with some realistic solutions.

I am pretty sure you cannot film someone secretly and then show the film to that person's doctor, even if you are related to him. The camera does lie, all the time.

OnwardandUpward you can certainly make the GP aware of your concerns and the GP can listen to what you have to say. What he cannot do is discuss the patient unless you have the right Power of Attorney.

At least a video would be proof of his troubling behaviour and is undeniable. I think he would apologise if he had previously been unaware of just how badly he was acting.
The camera never lies! Of course, its up to Bettinalove to do what she feels is right.

I think that some have been cooped up in lockdown for so long that they have actually forgotten how to function in society and lost their social boundaries. It sounds like he is unaware of his actions and I think if he could see what his wife sees he may be sorry (if it isn't health related)

And madder still upon learning that he his nearest and dearest has been secretly videoing him.

If he goes mad not made, typo!

I don't think you can "report" someone to the GP as such, because any information you give them is revealed to the patient. That's why I suggested filming his activities. That way, if he goes made at having his activities talked about to the GP, Bettinalove can show him just how unreasonable his actions have been.

I do so hope Bettinalove has found the support of her family and will come back here.

Polarbear2

That’s all ok if he keeps his activities legal. If he oversteps - which it sounds as if he’s on the verge of doing - and his wife has done nothing- is she not guilty also in some way? Whatever this lady shouldn’t have to put up with this. It’s hurtful in the extreme. Report him to the GP I’d say. They’ll asssess and take action. If they don’t then police is next step. If you don’t do anything and something bad happens you’ll not forgive yourself. Good luck. I really feel for you.

Sorry Polarbear2, I dont think your assessment of the situation is fair.

Bettinalove was talking to her son and family this weekend, so may be there is a lot to discuss before she feels like coming back?
I do hope she does.

I fear OP may have left the building, but if you are there, please read what I said about Frontotemporal Dementia and talk to a doctor.

Please come back Bettinalove once you have chatted to your son.

I'm really hoping this is resolved.

That’s all ok if he keeps his activities legal. If he oversteps - which it sounds as if he’s on the verge of doing - and his wife has done nothing- is she not guilty also in some way? Whatever this lady shouldn’t have to put up with this. It’s hurtful in the extreme. Report him to the GP I’d say. They’ll asssess and take action. If they don’t then police is next step. If you don’t do anything and something bad happens you’ll not forgive yourself. Good luck. I really feel for you.

I am not sure i would be comfortable with the wife talking to me about it.

It could be a dangerous move too.
If the neighbour is already angry about it, any words could be misinterpreted and add fuel to the fire.
Sometimes, messages do not come accross as intended.

I would just appreciate if he would stop his behaviour and relieved he would be getting the medical attention he needed.

I do appreciate why lots of people think Bettinalove should speak to her neighbour, but I'm afraid I dont think it is wise to do so.

This is none of her doing, and although he is her husband, I would ask the question, is his behaviour necessarily her responsibility?

There is no way of knowing how the neighbour would respond to her conversation anyway.

Just my pov. Not meant to be argumentative.

I would have appreciated it too, having been made uncomfortable on more than one occasion by men who should have known better or been less selfish.

Not all of them have wives, so in this case it's good that you're aware and available Bettinalove

I would have a quiet word with your neighbour NOW.

Ask her to keep the matter between you and her.

Like others, I cannot feel that she is likely to be romantically interested in your husband, but you never know.

I find the prospect that a woman of 44 feels harrassed or stalked by a man your husband's age far more worrying. She may well be hesitiating to approach you or go to the police, but be worrying about this situation.

Looking back, I would have appreciated the wife of a man behaving like this to me, to have let me know that she knew what her husband was up to, did not approve, and was trying to stop him making a nusiance of himself.

That kind of oversharing is pretty common after trauma. That said, it’s not very respectful of someone else’s boundaries and I’d have moved away.

OnwardandUpward

When I was sitting down in the shade outside a shop when a lady came out of the shop, lit up a cigarette and started chatting about her late Dad.
She said he had become very inappropriate to her and described some very unsettling things. I listened to her and felt very surprised she was so open seeing as I'd never met her before- but I could tell she was really bothered a long time after the event.

It's just so sad for all concerned with anything like this.

Sometimes it's easier to talk to a stranger who you're unlikely to see again..

PS obsessing about an attractive person is possible at any age. and it is not a sign of dementia more a sign of temporary mania, no matter the age of the sufferer.

For his own sake he needs you to make him understand what is happening to him. Obviously he lacks the insight into his own feelings and you have insight. So in fairness to him you need to try to make him understand he needs to control his feelings at least for his own sake.

Is there anyone else whose opinions he values who could talk to him?

I hope you get some support from your family Bettin.

MawBe has it right - this sort of inappropriate behaviour is common in dementia, PD and Lewy Bodies - I know of what I speak. It is very hard indeed for the families of those to whom this happens.

This man needs a proper medical assessment.

One of the drugs used in PD can cause this; but this drug is also used for other non-PD problems, like restless leg syndrome. He needs his medication (if any) reviewed and a proper diagnosis.

I am sorry OP that you are facing this challenge.

When I was sitting down in the shade outside a shop when a lady came out of the shop, lit up a cigarette and started chatting about her late Dad.
She said he had become very inappropriate to her and described some very unsettling things. I listened to her and felt very surprised she was so open seeing as I'd never met her before- but I could tell she was really bothered a long time after the event.

It's just so sad for all concerned with anything like this.

Sadly, we knew of someone this happened to, he was in his 80s but kept trying to proposition his home help.