Is Anyone Else a Recluse?

I do have reclusive tendencies - I can enjoy socialising up to a point, as long as it’s not a party where I know hardly anyone - but need plenty of quiet time in between.

We are 100% obliged to go to a big, very smart, dressed-up do in early September - dinner and dancing. I’m dreading it already since more sociable dh will v likely want to stay until the bitter end, so I’m already wimpily thinking of calling an Uber to take me home on my own by around 10.30. Memo to self, remember to take door keys!

I went into the pandemic with friends and they just stopped talking. I tried talking but was ignored. I have no idea what happened to those two, but assume I was on the periphery and they decided I was excess.
During the pandemic I found out that other people who I thought were friends just didn't want to talk at all. Now, I think a lot of people are in the same boat because friendships have changed as people have changed in tough times. You either grow together or apart I suppose.

I am still working age, so I don't have much time for socialising and not much energy to go places to meet new people. It's a good thing I've always been ok with my own company. I'm learning to be my own best friend- and when I do meet actual friends then I'll be in a better place to be a friend, I suppose.

Ah, that's horrible for you, Humbley.
Perhaps you may feel like joining in when some of the people here meet up at some point?
You can always have a chin chinwag on here in the meantime.
People are very supportive, and almost all have faced bereavement.

I feel lonely I live on my own I have 2 best mates but since the pandemic I haven't seen them much. Now I feel self conscious going out of my flat on my own I'm anxious and pick the skin off my thumbs I don't even know I'm doing it anymore I also lost my dad this year and finding it difficult to come to terms with losing him too feel very isolated

girly days? ???

I belong to a couple of women's groups.
However, our lively 83 year old friend who did refer to us as The Girls died last year. I would never have taken issue with her over calling us girls.

No auditions for the choirs I've been in Callistemon. They accept anyone (Thank goodness)

I can echo that, trisher, apart from being the life and soul of the party! Or a choir (I wouldn't pass the audition.)

One of my U3A groups has met under social distancing rules, wearing masks, but as it was in a village hall I decided not to go, although I have met people outdoors.

I like my own company and survive quite well without seeing people, but I do enjoy some social occasions, and I have been known to be the life and soul of the party. Some of the friends I had before lockdown have slipped away but others have become closer. One thing I did do before lockdown was try to fill my week with activities (exercise classes, choirs, volunteering) but they all ended and now I'm not so sure I want to take up any of them again.

GagaJo, this is normal behavior. Or do you still want to fix it?

I always have been a bit of a recluse. I don't have many true friends but when I go out I smile and talk to everyone, so I have a lot of acquaintances. People probably think I'm more popular than I am.
I'm happy with my own company, having been in some distastrous friendships. At least I know where I am with myself. I would like to make good friends, but if it never happens I will be my own best friend.

Given that none of us are in the first flush, I’m a bit amused by the fact that every single poster who has a problem going out with a group of women has referred to such outings as ‘girly days’. While I would regard myself as a part time loner I do love the company of good friends who I have had for many years. Some are married, some not, but all are kind intelligent women with a lot of wit and wisdom. I certainly don’t think of our times together as ‘girly’!! I rather enjoy the company of women. They tend to have less ego and are more inclined to actively listen than many men. That said, I also enjoy the company of men now and then, but there is an awful lot to be said for a day on my own in the garden, especially with this lovely weather!!

I also became a covid recluse, although I was an introvert before, but now it has intensified. But I have no regrets. I like. If everything suits you, why not?

If you like this kind of life, you must stick to it. Good luck!

I too have become a covid recluse, and find that I am reticent to get out there and do more. I sort of feel as if I am waiting for something to happen, and I don’t know what. Maybe I have just lost confidence

I have enjoyed reading about everyone and finding that there are other people like me. The only person I have known who came close to being like me was my Dad. He hated socialising in large groups and didn't enjoy holidays. At weddings we would sit in the corner together. The service and a sit down meal I could cope with it's after that and the evening do that I hate. I get my enjoyment from sitting and people watching but others can't leave you alone and constantly want you to come and 'enjoy yourself' on the dance floor with them! I have enjoyed lockdown and the knowledge that I wouldn't have any unexpected visitors turning up. I don't mind visitors as long as I have invited them or I know that they are coming and they fit in with my plans for the day but can only stand so long before I am wishing that they would go. I am okay with my close family and husband but do love any chance that I get to be on my own.

It's so good to realise I am not alone in preferring my company and not being consumed by the 'fear of missing out' by not having loads of 'friends'.
I was an only child brought up by parents who were publicans. I was left very much on my own to amuse myself. We moved often so making school friends was difficult. Then we lived in a small village quite away from my primary school, so there was no playing out. Secondary school was also miles away from home and still few other children in the area to play with. Went away to college and although there were others I felt no compatibility. Same when I started work. Then, despite living in the same place for over 30yrs with my DH, we never really fitted in to the social life in the village. So, here we are, back where we started, on our own. We have family (on his side) but because we were out of their lives for so many years, it's clear that they see no reason to change that. In fact one DN said she often forgets we live here!!
For most of the time I'm happy in my own skin, but sometimes I do feel pangs...of what I'm not sure!!

I've just realised, reading others comments, I am a recluse
My darling husband was diagnosed with LBD 2019. Covid has us in each others company 24/7. I needed to be there, he needed me to be there. He died in Nov 2020. I really have no interest in meeting up yet. The thought of getting ready to meet up gives me the jitters.
I've planted a butterfly/bee garden for him. Im happy to relax in my garden or home on my own. Yes, I do sometimes feel lonely but I'm lonely for him. My DD comes for a quick lunch once a week. Other DD messages or rings often. Sons...well..they are sons. I hear sporadically from them but they are there if I need them.
I think that many people realise that they don't have to run here there and everywhere. Just be.
A friend has filled almost every day meeting up with groups of people. I would hate that kind of commitment.

Flexagon, what good ideas! I believe you are right. Just as sexualisation has become the norm for teenagers, so the same for extraverted partying and having a lot of chums.

This social pressure must be the source of a lot of unhappiness among teenagers.

I don't find my own company onerous one little bit but I do so prefer social interaction of other human beings. I'm really happy our world is starting to open out a bit and I've had some joyful reunions this very week. This wonderful weather has really helped. Some of my friends are still a bit wary of meeting up. I'll leave them to emerge at their own pace, of course.

A weak Chair perhaps ? When I have been president of various organisations I told people like that to go outside to continue their conversations or zip up. Mostly they obey and didn’t realise how disruptive they were being.

As an only child I have always been used to my own company and have not found lockdown too hard, but I don't think I am reclusive. Yesterday I attended the AGM of an association to which I belong which has maintained activities via zoom during lockdown, mainly to show support.
I was quite shocked by the rudeness of some of my contemporaries, all sixty plus.
They talked continuously whilst the Chairman, Secretary and Treasurer were presenting their reports, interrupted people's conversations after the official meeting had concluded, barged into the socially distanced refreshments queue to help themselves and constantly re arranged the carefully arranged socially distanced seating arrangements to suit themselves.

This is the first AGM of this association I have attended so I don't know if this behaviour was the same pre-covid, but it is going to hard if people protected throughout the worst of covid behave like this once they regard the lifting of restrictions as an excuse for abandoning common sense and good manners.

Or is this just symptomatic of old age?

Nonogran

I too am a bit of a Covid recluse. Every time I think of meeting up with my friends, I get cold feet and don’t bother to contact them. I have to say, not many have made renewed contact with me either so maybe they’re the same? Was it something I said? Haha!
I’m happy on my own but do enjoy my chap being with me of course. We don’t live together all the time so that suits my reclusive tendencies too!
There’s nothing wrong with being a loner. Some might think it selfish but the freedom is heady stuff.

Exactly! Normally I would meet up for lunch with several ex colleagues every few weeks but we are losing touch and nobody seems to be stepping forward to arrange a meet up.

I have another friend and I seem to be losing touch with her too.

I am married and we do see another couple. We went to the pub this week for a meal and it was lovely. I even went to the bar to order food!

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

I usually go out several times a week with different friends and groups. You know what ? I’m getting to quite like not dressing up and putting makeup on etc. We are all in hard lockdown here and I’m actually starting to adapt and like it. As I write ,it is just after 11 am here and I am still in my PJs and it doesn’t matter. No one sees, no one cares. Except husband and he is watching the Olympics in his PJs.

*alone, flipping autocorrect!