Gransnet forums

Relationships

Top 11 ways to have a healthy relationship in married life

(81 Posts)
muthublogger Sat 04-Sep-21 03:07:33

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

AGAA4 Mon 22-Nov-21 15:54:40

One of my colleagues said the secret to a happy marriage was to hardly ever meet.
She and her husband had totally separate lives and she said they were both happy with this.
Wouldn't have worked for me.

Puzzled Mon 22-Nov-21 15:48:35

Notice that early someone mentioned sox
Or did I misread that?

Redhead56 Fri 19-Nov-21 10:26:23

Melanie123 💐 I agree about the separate bedroom I made the move to mine about two years ago. It’s nice to have my own space and sleep until the aches and pains wake me up rather than constant snoring.

Allsorts Fri 19-Nov-21 07:49:29

Sense of humour and be kind, don’t let yourself go. Love his mother.

FannyCornforth Fri 19-Nov-21 07:46:11

Good luck by the way, things sound very difficult for you thanks
Make sure that you start that thread, you will get lots of advice and support

FannyCornforth Fri 19-Nov-21 07:43:54

Melanie123 hello, you need to start a new thread about your situation, your post is going to get lost here

M0nica Fri 19-Nov-21 07:31:49

I do not think there are any rules, each couple have to work out their own rules. I have friends, male and female, who clearly live happily in marriages and with partners who would drive me to murder. And, at one point, had a friend who almost perched on our garden fence like a vulture, waiting for our marriage to break-up, because we conducted it in a way that flouted every rule she thought governed marriage.

Melanie123 Fri 19-Nov-21 06:37:59

Has anyone started again in what might be considered late mid life?
I’ve been with my second husband for 10 years now, starting a relationship with him immediately after the break up of my first marriage where we had been together nearly 30 years with two daughters.
I can see in retrospect that this was a mistake and should have had some alone time to “find myself” first, but the love bomb he beguiled me with was irresistible.
How I long for those early days now.
We now sleep on separate rooms, he complains and makes a drama about everything. It’s all poor me and only does what he wants without any concession to others. I have a good relationship with his family whilst he constantly finds fault with mine. It’s causing a wedge between me and my eldest daughter who has my first grandchild.
I now watch tv in a different room as I can’t stand his obsession with news channels where he constantly rants at the commentators with his rather strong views on the world in general.
I retired early with a tiny pension but have agreed on an amount of money which would allow me to buy my own property. I wouldn’t have enough to live on so would have to find work until I qualify for my state retirement pension at 67 which is 10 years time.
I feel overwhelmed at the prospect and not how I imagined my life would turn out. I can see that I need to change things. How have others fared?

henetha Sun 12-Sep-21 11:26:27

Live apart.

Callistemon Sun 12-Sep-21 10:23:18

Hetty58

What exactly is 'mindfulness' - I'd love to know?

If you want to know, you could do no better than to buy this book, Hetty58:
www.amazon.co.uk/Ladybird-Book-Mindfulness-Ladybirds-Grown-Ups/dp/0718183525?tag=gransnetforum-21
I bought it for a DD who is into mindfulness, she found it very useful 😀

Other retailers are available.

Lucca Sun 12-Sep-21 09:52:39

Hetty58

What exactly is 'mindfulness' - I'd love to know?

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mindfulness

Oopsadaisy1 Sun 12-Sep-21 08:47:58

Be kind to each other.

Hetty58 Sun 12-Sep-21 08:45:29

What exactly is 'mindfulness' - I'd love to know?

Ashcombe Sun 12-Sep-21 08:44:39

A wonderfully positive post, Puzzled! Thank you! 🙏

Puzzled Sun 12-Sep-21 08:36:40

We have interests that we each pursue alone, and other things that we do together, (Although not always devastatingly interesting on some occasions, but go for the companionship)

We help each other, and show interest in what the other is doing or wearing.
We are interested in what our DD and GC are doing and try together or individually, to help them in whatever way we can.
And, yes, after nearly 58 years of marriage, we still enjoy making love.

Overall, probably you'd call it sharing our lives?

Cabbie21 Sun 05-Sep-21 19:42:34

At a wedding recently, the oldest couple had been married for 63 years. Asked the secret of their success, the wife replied
“ just keep going.” Having reached 39 myself, I think there is a lot of truth in that, certainly these last 18 months.

annodomini Sun 05-Sep-21 19:04:11

Meet his parents before you commit to him!

Harris27 Sun 05-Sep-21 18:12:03

Laugh a lot and keep talking.

FannyCornforth Sun 05-Sep-21 18:07:04

But not ‘easy’!

FannyCornforth Sun 05-Sep-21 18:06:23

lemongrove

The best way to keep a marriage going?
Easy....remember ( both of you) to use the three magic words regularly.... ‘you’re right dear!’😁

That is actually so true

Ashcombe Sun 05-Sep-21 17:49:29

Some have suggested separate bedrooms, others separate houses or living 150 miles apart. We've made a success of living in separate countries since we married nearly six years ago, with DH already having a home in rural France and me living in Torbay.

Each of us would regularly travel to visit the other. Covid put paid to these visits for several months and now Brexit has made it less straightforward for me to stay in France. My vicar describes it as a semi-detached marriage and seemed quite taken with the idea! It works for us. 💕

grannylyn65 Sun 05-Sep-21 17:15:02

And I’ve been on many many!

grannylyn65 Sun 05-Sep-21 17:14:02

Mindfulness was the most excruciatingly boring course I was sent on 😖

Grannybags Sun 05-Sep-21 16:57:59

LauraNorder

Just had to look up Gimlet Grannybags, lots of gin and lime…
Works for me!

Sorry to disappoint LauraNorder she meant a very sharp tool (difficult to swallow!!) not the cocktail!

lemongrove Sun 05-Sep-21 16:40:12

The best way to keep a marriage going?
Easy....remember ( both of you) to use the three magic words regularly.... ‘you’re right dear!’😁