How is a mother-in-law addressed?

My DIL asked to call me mum when she was going through a bad time. However, she always found this difficult, which I understood, so I suggested she call me by my first name, which she also found difficult!. No, she wanted to call me mum, but it still wouldn't come naturally. I would rather she called me by my christian name.

It's a difficult line to tread sometimes. I would still like to be called by my christian name as I feel it is more friendly, but I can't go through it all again! So now we are nanny and grandad which I am not particularly keen on.

I called mine by her first name, my DILs call me by mine. My brother in law always called my mother MIL and I never heard my DH call my mother anything!

I felt compelled to call my in laws Mr & Mrs **.

Was expected to call her Mrs Surname, but I felt aggrieved at the formality of this so shortened it to Mrs S. She huffed and puffed at this, said it was awful and if I was going to call her that she'd rather I used her first name ?. My husband had always called my mum by her first name since meeting her. Of course my sons in law use my first name. Auntie was used as a child for neighbours etc but sounds dreadfully antiquated now. Respect is earned not endowed by a personal title.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=3-RZ8xHAKwI
Joyce Grenfell mentions it
5 mins 39 in

DDIL calls me & GraffaC by our 1st names though when talking to us with the grandsons about, it's Gramma & Graffa. When I got married, MIL was already a grandmother to DH's sister's daughters & just about everyone, including DH, referred to & addressed her as Oma so I did too.

I adore my DIL and we have a healthy love and respect for each other. Both of us are on first name terms.
I know others are not so fortunate, so I am mightily grateful for my situation.

As a mum inlaw to 2 daughter inlaws both call me by my first name to face not sure behind back ? my mother inlaw when I was married I used to call her by her first name too.

First name same as I called my own MIL.
My sister’s husband called my mum ‘mum’ which felt strange but maybe it was the done thing in his family.

My children call me Mum, their spouses/partners use my first name and my grandchild calls me Tess or Tessie. We're all happy with that arrangement!

I was expected to call my in laws mum and dad; I hated it a always tried to sidestep the issue. Father in law would say to me, “Your mother” when referring to her. I’d think, “She’s not my *€#%¥~¥ mother!”
He’s now gone and I have hardly anything to do with her as she can be very unkind. I really resent the ‘mum’ thing; I only had one and there was no comparison.

Shelflife

Don't think I called my MIL anything! In those days her first name may have been too familiar- sounds strange now and Mrs ...... was too fomal!!
My SIL s use my first name, .

Exactly! My late mother-in-law was 'mum' to the rather sycophantic husband of my wife's elder sister, but I declined to call any woman other than my biological mother 'mum'. M-i-L and I had a sort of cool relationship at the best of times and I carefully avoided giving her any name. Mrs x was too formal as shelflife said, and Florrie or any derivative of Florence would have been unacceptable to M-i-L. My daughter-in-law calls me and my wife by our first names as does my daughter's partner. We're happy with that.

My wife's family seemed to want to live in some sort of world concocted by the Bronte sisters - except father-in-law who wisely spent his time either at work or in the garden growing huge amounts of vegetables.

I, at her request, called my MIL 'MUM". My SIL calls me by my first name.

All my DILs use my first name. I simply let them choose whatever form of address they felt comfortable with, I had no preference. Cards sent to our DILs are signed with our first names, but if it's to them as a couple we sign 'Mum and Dad'. We also use nicknames a lot in our family so I might call them Twinkle Toes, Lofty or something else occasionally the same as we do with our sons. The important thing is that we are all happy with it and get along very well.

I never really called my own MIL anything. A few weeks after we married I answered the phone to her and without thinking said "Hello Mum.... etc" There was silence then she said very seriously "I'm not your Mum, I only have one child. Is he there?" Her feelings on the matter were very clear. When our children came along they called her Nanny, so I did the same, she didn't seem to mind. Although I liked her she never seemed to relax with me and we were never close. She simply couldn't get over the fact that I had 'stolen' her beloved son from her. Shortly before she died she remarked that I was a good wife and mother but she wished I had married someone else!! She also said our children had never really liked her, which was not true, they just found her rather formal and difficult to talk to, and they didn't fit into her idea of adoring seen-and-not-heard grandchildren. Generational differences I suppose. But now, as adults, they remember her warmly.

My DD refers to her MIL as Mum. Has done for 30 years. It jolts me each time I hear it. He DH calls me by my name.

My daughter in law calls me Mil

I called my in-laws Mr and Mrs Surname. It felt very strange to me but they were a fearsome pair and I would not have called them anything else (within their hearing!). My SIL calls me by my first name.

My elder DiL calls me Mum. That’s also what I called my MiL. My younger DiL always called me by my first name, she still does but has recently become my EX-DiL. A great shame as they were together 18 years, have 3 children aged 8, nearly 11 and 13 and she has taken my son for every penny she could get, far more than his solicitor said she would get if it went to court, but my son gave in to protect the children from additional stress and get a quick resolution. So sad as we all loved her to bits.

I was meant to call my mother in law mum but I didn’t nor her husband dad as they were not my parents and I disliked them they were so old fogy and had not changed with the times women went to. Work for pin money and husbands sat in chairs waiting for meals and did nought in the house Awful

I don't think I called my mother-in-law anything as I didn't feel like calling her Mother or Mum or her first name. However both my son-in-laws call me by my first name and always have done even though my daughters always call me Mum.

icanhandthemback

I called my MIL by her first name as she asked me to.
I don't think it matters what you call somebody as long as it is respectful and doesn't offend them. I don't subscribe to a theory that calling somebody by their Christian name makes a difference to the way they are treated. Most managerial problems tend to arise from the nature and attitudes of the people interacting with each other. A good manager will have less problems but if they are dealing with someone who doesn't take responsibility, has a chip on their shoulder or is work shy, then there is more likely to be a break down in working relations. It is the same with personal relationships, same faults, different circumstances.

Are we talking about what we called our mothers-in-law or how to manage people? If it's mothers in law then mine certainly did not step up to the mark to be lovingly called mother or mum, I already had one thank goodness.
So all the posters on here who had a poor relationship with their mother in law it was because they didn't take responsibility, were work-shy and had a chip on their shoulder. I don't think so
If it's managers then the first rule is you need to gain respect . You either manger by cohesion or division depending on the type of person you are.

I never called my MIL anything at all - always addressed her directly and referred to her as Mrs ....... husband did not get on with his mother at all.
She lived abroad and was married again, so different name. we met up in Corfu for a holiday nightmare and my husband let the holiday rep believe she was my mother!
Unfortunately she decided to return to the UK, but that's another story
My lovely sil calls me Mama.

I didn’t even call my own mother ‘mum’ (she hated it, thought it sounded fat!) so I could never have used it for my MiL. Though funnily enough, dh and his brothers had for years called their parents by their first names.

First name. What I’m called when I’m not there is another matter!

My DIL calls me by my first name or “Monster in Law” which she thinks is hilarious but which brasses me off big time