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Opinions needed

(23 Posts)
flamenco Tue 28-Sep-21 17:45:41

I would really value some opinions. I have recently lost my partner of 12 years, the last two I have looked after him with a terminal illness, I have moved so he could be near his family. I have been very unhappy there, so far from friends and relatives. We lived most of our time in Spain and had a happy time there. We discussed where I would live when he was no longer here. I said I would like to return to Spain. I have been allowed to stay in the U.K. house for a year I had always said I would leave this house the family said I could have the flat in Spain for a year only. I am quite upset about it all, am I being unreasonable? I have to move out of my home there. It’s bad enough losing my partner and again have to move, the 3rd time in 2 years..

Cabbie21 Tue 28-Sep-21 17:53:26

Sorry for your loss. It is early days for you to have to mAke major decisions.
Could you clarify who owns the house in UK and the flat in Spain, if it is not you? Is there a need to sell because of your partner’s will? If you could clarify, it would help advise.

Dont forget to check for any new regulations for ex pats in Spain since Brexit, as some rules may have changed eg pensions, access to health care etc.

FlexibleFriend Tue 28-Sep-21 18:14:05

Sorry for your loss, are you saying your partner has not provided for you in a will? Are you saying after a year whether in UK or Spain you will be homeless? Surely not after you cared for him for two years through his illness.

flamenco Tue 28-Sep-21 18:26:30

I meant to add , the two houses where left to his children in his will, I was left some money but not enough to buy a property. I had hoped I would get mote time in the Spanish property.

Hithere Tue 28-Sep-21 18:33:46

Sorry your partner did not leave you the home in Spain - his children letting you live there for a year is generous.

Visgir1 Tue 28-Sep-21 18:48:05

What a shame your in this situation, so sorry for your loss.
Agree rules might have changed now, but one hears that selling homes in Spain is difficult and prices have dropped significantly.
Do you think you could Rent or you never know someone by word of mouth might have a small affordable apartment, they desperately want to sale.
My chum picked up one in Majorca for a bargain price, just one bed but perfect.
Give yourself time to think, take up the year offer.
Best of luck and hope it turns out well in the end.

CafeAuLait Tue 28-Sep-21 23:51:11

I'm sorry for your loss. In the circumstances, as the home doesn't belong to you, giving you a year is a sign the children are being thoughtful towards you. They could probably ask you to leave within weeks, if they had wanted. It's a shame your partner didn't leave you the property.

It's early days to have to make decisions and changes but you will need to eventually. Can you talk to the children about renting the home longer term? Can you buy them out of the home?

welbeck Wed 29-Sep-21 02:12:26

i don't quite understand.
where do you want to live, i mean which country.
if it is uk, can you go to the local council ass a homeless person, but it might depend on how long you have lived in uk, whether you are a uk national/have leave to remain, and what age you are.
i don't know if there is something similar in spain.
sorry for your loss, and that you find yourself in this situation.

BlueBelle Wed 29-Sep-21 05:47:39

So sorry you ve lost your partner it’s obviously early days
I echo what others have said if the houses were left to his children they have been kind to offer you a year in it
I have to move out of my home there I m a bit puzzled what home? where? England /Spain
By the facts you ve given us it seems the children have been fair to you you weren’t his wife and obviously 12 years isn’t that long …..can you not go back to the area where you moved from and where your family and friends are while you decide what you want to do

NotSpaghetti Wed 29-Sep-21 07:40:34

Didn't want to pass by. I hope you can find somewhere that will suit you. My feeling is to move back to the house in Spain for a year. It will be easier to look "on the spot" - but I'd definitely start looking early rather than waiting till month 11.

Good look. ?

Polarbear2 Wed 29-Sep-21 08:41:37

I’m sorry for your loss and I do feel for you. This will possibly be me in time to come. I know I’ll be made homeless and I’m pretty sure my OHs children won’t give me a year. It’ll be 6 months if I’m lucky. I’ve started putting my ducks in rows already although it feels like in doing so I’m creating the beginning of a divide between us. I’m not sure we’ll last this out as I feel his lack of recognition for my security is a sign he doesn’t care enough. As for the poster above who says 12 years isn’t long - I have no suitable words. How unpleasant and heartless.

Lucca Wed 29-Sep-21 09:12:35

Totally agree. How is 12 years not long ?

DiscoDancer1975 Wed 29-Sep-21 10:40:26

It’s sad, but unless you were married, you have no rights. I do hope you can restart your life. Your partner really should have made more provision for you.

So sorry?

Riverwalk Wed 29-Sep-21 11:19:01

I'm sorry that your partner has died - the past two years must have been difficult.

I know you are still grieving but you must now start relying on your own efforts and not be at the mercy of others, in the past your late partner and now his family. It's very unfortunate that he's left you effectively homeless.

I don't know your immigration status in Spain but since Brexit you're only allowed to stay 90 days at a time, so it might be difficult for you to settle there.

To add, this is a lesson for other women who rely on a man, particularly one not married to, to provide security and roof over their head. There have been quite a few on here who wonder what will happen when their partner dies. Never understood it myself.

Smileless2012 Wed 29-Sep-21 11:44:44

Sorry for your loss flamenco and for the situation you find yourself in. Such a pity that your H didn't make better provision for you in the event of his death, for example stating that you could live in one of the properties until your death or if you made the choice to leave.

TBH I would hope to be a lot more generous to my dad's partner if she'd been with him for 12 years and spent the last two caring for him with his terminal illnesssad.

Madgran77 Wed 29-Sep-21 12:02:11

TBH I would hope to be a lot more generous to my dad's partner if she'd been with him for 12 years and spent the last two caring for him with his terminal illnesss


Riverwalk Wed 29-Sep-21 12:19:39

All very well, but grown women, particularly of a certain age, shouldn't be relying on the generosity/otherwise of someone else's adult children.

Hithere Wed 29-Sep-21 12:20:31

Exactly, riverwalk

Smileless2012 Wed 29-Sep-21 14:08:52

Well I don't agree that the OP's is relying on the generosity her partner's AC, unfortunately she's not been given much of choice, and IMO allowing her to live in one or other of the properties for a year doesn't constitute generosity.

Maybe her partner thought his AC would be more generous than they're beinghmm.

Madgran77 Wed 29-Sep-21 14:13:58

All very well, but grown women, particularly of a certain age, shouldn't be relying on the generosity/otherwise of someone else's adult children

I agree that they should not be reliant on others generosity.

However I would still hope that many would be more generous in the circumstances as described. However I am aware that there may be a different perspective from the partners AC that we do not know about.

flamenco you have no rights in this situation, which is down to how your partner chose to leave his will ..that must be very hard for you but is the reality of the situation. So I suggest that you start working out a plan for your future with whatever money you do have available, and what you can manage without any recourse to or expectations from anyone else.

JenniferEccles Wed 29-Sep-21 14:31:27

Where were you living prior to being with your partner?
What happened to that property?
Were you under the impression that the flat in Spain would be left to you? You say you discussed with your partner where you would live, so what was the outcome of that conversation?

Sorry to be firing questions but there is a lot about this situation which is unclear.

Neen Thu 30-Sep-21 13:40:35

Ok gosh . Sorry for your loss firstly and looking after someone so I'll is traumatic so some time for you now is paramount.
If the children said you can stay in the Spanish fjat a year, take it and take the opportunity to ask while there about small rentals or sharing with another like yourself perhaps. Sometimes when one door closes another opens X

VioletSky Thu 30-Sep-21 13:56:49

I'm so sorry for your loss. I am glad he made some provision for you in his will even if it wasn't one of the homes you shared.

Have you asked his children if either would be willing to rent a property to you?

I am guessing they want to either sell the properties or make use of them for their own families which is understandable in this situation and I do think a year is kind. Maybe renting would appeal to them so that the property remains an investment.