Were we so busy that we had no time for parents

Actually I can remember that stage of my life when my teenagers wanted me to run them about and listen to their woes, when work made demands on me, when my husband wanted time with me, when I had friendships that were important to sustain, when my parents and parents-in-law wanted me to spend time with them.

It wasn’t that I didn’t want to see them or spend time with any of them.

It was just that there wasn’t enough me to go round.

Both DC live within an hour's drive so see them quite regularly. My problem is I don't like to intrude on their busy lives so feel that even phone calls are intrusive.lippyqueen I do agree that our opinions are seen as less relevant by our adult children. I could never have take that attitude with my parents.

We get messages and the occasional visit from the one nearest to us. The other one we get messages fairly regularly with the occasional long phone call at weekends. I would like more contact from both of them but I know they are busy with their own lives and I certainly do not want to appear needy, so I never say anything. We did see more of them when the grandchildren were young, for which I am grateful.

Yes, I try to stay fiercely independent and make no demands on my children. I wouldn't dream of telling them if I was poorly. Much as my Mum was the most generous and loving of me, she was a little demanding of my time. I think it was a little understandable in that she had retired and had more time on her hands whereas I was in the thick of family life and all that that entails. Furthermore she had few outside interests and just !lived for seeing my children (I came a reasonable second!). Difficult indeed. I have one son who calls regularly and we have an amicable chat whereas the other one texts me spasmodically as and when I pop into his head. That's rather nice too. I make no demands and I admit I would love to see much more of them but what I get is quality and of the heart. That'll do for me every time.

Well, I hear from my two in the UK two or three times a week for a chat or to have a moan or to discuss their issues. Daughter in NZ calls monthly for a long chat and catch up at a time of her choosing but usually my Friday night at about 8.30 pm.

I’m a very lucky person.

My children have busy lives and very stressful careers to manage but are very good at juggling their time. My husband is ill and I have noticed a difference in the way they look us. We need managing now. Not too sure how I feel, about that.

I talk to my Dad abroad a few times a week on average. Before I estranged I saw my mum once a week and did all the running around and usually called her at least twice a week.

My children all have busy lives but they do keep in touch mainly by text and I am grateful to hear from them. I try not to expect calls and texts as I had a mother who demanded phone calls at certain times of the day to suit her not me and my sister.
This became a duty rather than a pleasure for both of us so my children know that I am happy to hear from them whenever it's convenient for them

I have one in the UK and one abroad. We mostly all communicate by wattsapp, FaceTime and phone calls. I appreciate they are at work all week, need times to relax and unwind at weekends as I did myself when I was working full time and bringing them up. It’s not that they don’t care because I know they do. I saw my own mum once a week for a few hours after work and communicated by landline the rest of the time. Things change, there are more demands on their time nowadays I think. I know they care, they know we care and really what more can you want.

I really resented the 'duty calls' to parents taking up precious time when I was younger. They moved away yet expected us to travel to see them - pretty difficult with a young family and limited funds.

I do regret not spending more time with my much-loved father. I disliked my mother (it was mutual) so only made an effort for the sake of my siblings. I had to develop much patience. (If she weren't my mother, I'd have had nothing to do with her.)

I never wanted my children to feel duty bound to call and visit - but I'm sure that they do. Therefore, I'm fiercely independent, cheerful, capable, never needy.

For example, last week I really hurt my elbow, had to strap up my arm and couldn't use it for three days, yet said not a word - as they'd dash round to help and look after me - my worst nightmare.

I’m afraid I can’t agree with our children’s generation not all children are like that.
My daughter phones me most days. Not necessarily to see how I am but more often than not to discuss some news item, advice on something. More often than not we have a good laugh.
Most of my friends children are much the same to their mums. I’m also aware that my ‘older’ neighbours get visits every week from their children

Haven't really found the same thing lippyqueen unfortunately my parents died when I was young. My own children visited and kept in touch when I lived in UK. Not so much now as I live in France and my grandchildren are grown up now. I am happy for them to get on with their own lives. They don't treat me as incapable of anything apart from technical phone and computer stuff. We all often ask for advice or support in our WhatsApp group.
I'm sorry you feel a bit neglected, as you say your cold is making things worse. Hope you feel better soon.

I think if people are honest many would say the same. Certainly the people I know feel as you do but it’s how it is. Try not to dwell and feel it’s just you, it isn’t. Be wary of sounding needy when you do speak to them though. Looking back at my own life and parents, I was very busy and now see I didn’t realise that their life was pretty empty in their later years because of health and age. Now I’m in that spot as one day our kids will be! But it will be too late for them to say to you ‘now I know how you felt’