I can’t help my beloved daughter (all 3 of them are actually)

Thinking of you ayse you have alot going on. As old as they are you never stop worrying about your kids. All you can do is offer your support any way you can but give yourself some self love as well. I find taking Kalms helps me every now again when I’m overwhelmed.
We are going through a family issue with our youngest DS that’s causing my DH and I some considerable stress so they are on hand if I need them.

Thank you for your kind thoughts and Kalms. I might just do that. It’s so difficult when you can’t fix things or do anything but watch from the sidelines.

A tricky situation. I feel for you ayse and I hope you get some good suggestions.

For what it’s worth, I think I’d gently challenge your daughter who won’t see her doctor. I wonder why she’s against medication?

If she were my girl I’d be saying ‘look lovey, I appreciate your point of view and I do wish your way of doing things was working for you. But it isn’t. And it hasn’t been for a long time. You’re poorly and miserable. I hate to see you like this, it’s breaking my heart to be honest. Can we at least try together to explore the idea of chemical help for you? Maybe try it - I’ll come with you if you like - and let’s review how you’re feeling in say 6 months’ time? What have you got to lose? You’re certainly not in a good place now with your vitamins and suchlike. Surely it’s worth a change of tack now?”

Good luck ayse. Other than that it must be very hard. Your 2 daughters and your husband are struggling health wise and it is impacting on your health now. Maybe they’d all agree to a family pow-wow “how to help each other, what can we do to help?”

Good luck.
In the meantime, sleep well, walk in the fresh air a lot if you can. Talk to your doctor or practice nurse. Help is out there.

CHERISH YOUR HEALTH.
If it’s good, preserve it.
If it is unstable, improve it.
If it’s beyond what you can improve, GET HELP.

x

Thank you Urmstongran. I’ll be seeing her just after Christmas and I’ve thought that, as you suggest that I should try to say that all her remedies etc. haven’t worked so….

I’m so fearful that she will then refuse to talk to me as she’s done in the past. She lives at the other end of the country from us which doesn’t help.

I try to care for my mental and physical health and fortunately it’s quite good. I will do something joyful tomorrow to help.

Thank you for your kind thoughts and ideas.

Hello ayse, I’m so sorry to hear all this.
I don’t think there’s anything you can do other than listen, if as you say she won’t consider professional help.
As others have said it’s so hard seeing our grown up children struggle, especially when they’re far away. I hope things improve for her and for you.

Thank you Jane. All of you are confirming my feelings there’s little I can do other than to listen and hope. It’s all so very sad for her. Life can be very challenging.

Have you considered seeing a counsellor yourself just to get things off your chest?
It is draining being the emotional thinker and keeper for your whole family. I think people really underestimate how much Mums have to cope with mentally for the people in their family outside of their own needs

Hi JaneJ I call the Samaritans now and again when it all gets to me. I’ve found them very helpful when I felt really stressed by this whole thing. I know my lovely GP would give me antidepressants if I asked her. It just really got to me today as her work have now sussed she’s not ok. I’ve tried to call her back but she hasn’t picked up and it’s pointless to keep calling if she doesn’t want to engage. I expect she’s eating chocolate and feeling awful.

Lovely flowers x

I really feel for you, you are only ever as happy as your most miserable child!
Could happy daughter 1 mediate?
It may come better from her than you.

Sago Happy daughter lives in NZ and is a qualified counsellor. She and DD2 have had a problematic relationship for a long time. They’ve only just got back into contact and have a tenuous relationship. Lovely thought though, thank you.

Do not forget doctors do not only offer pills to resolve depression, they offer talking therapies, CBT and others. Suggest she visits her doctor and get a referral for free therapy. She might be more open to that as a route to a GP.

AyseI have been an asthma sufferer for 40-50 years and have gradually got worse during that time. When I was about 40 I had an appointment with a chest specialist and I told him that I was taking vitamins, had cut out dairy from my diet and didn't really like taking the drugs. He told my husband that the next time he saw me I would likely be outside (ie in the morgue) I had also tried homeopathy but that didn't work for me either.

Following that I did start taking the drugs but I sincerely wish that I had taken them sooner - my condition might not be as bad now if I had.

I am so sorry to hear about your daughter and think that you must take proper care of yourself. Have you contacted any of the mental health charities for advice on how you can help with your daughter.

Alistair Campbell, often reviled by some, suffers from depression and has written a book entitled "Living Better - How I learned to live with depression". I have not read it myself but understand that it has been well received and found to be helpful.

Good luck

JaneJudge

Have you considered seeing a counsellor yourself just to get things off your chest?
It is draining being the emotional thinker and keeper for your whole family. I think people really underestimate how much Mums have to cope with mentally for the people in their family outside of their own needs

I agree totally with this.

To help your daughter ayse first get yourself strong enough emotionally support her. You are weighed down with worry.

You are listening to her and perhaps that’s all she wants or needs at this time.

Ayse would your daughter see a homeopath I know there are great depths of opinion for and against but if it’s something she could believe in it could make a massive difference to her
I have seen people who believe in homeopathic powers get better from lots of things because they believe, the mind is the strongest organ
She needs something to convince her to heal herself

There is a very interesting book called Mutant mutants that I read years ago and I remember it having a big impact on me it is all about the Aborignies in Australia and their belief that every disease has a natural healer it’s just finding the right one
Good luck in this

Oh Ayse, you must be beside yourself. I understand completely, one of my AC suffers terribly from depression and it such a blight on their life and mine.

Trying Kalms may help you - I'll certainly give it a go next time I feel overwhelmed by it all. Urmstongran's advice is sound - it certainly can't hurt if you gently suggest speaking to and LISTENING to her GP, given that her remedies are not working. I know how hard it is, you're just accused of not understanding when you try to suggest alternatives.

I hope it helps to confide in us, lots of empathetic grans have your back - take care lovey

Ayse, I really feel for you, if you can do the listening, worrying never sorts or alters anything, your daughter is the only one who can change her thinking. Look after yourself as much as you can, treat yourself, if you can take yourself off for the day and think about yourself for a change.