Son in law

Ooh that’s a difficult one because having had a really good relationship with my now ex daughter inlaw loved her as a daughter then. For what she put my son through when they were getting divorced and fighting over my granddaughter at the time I would have said I would but knowing what I know now I’d said no way. My advice would be support your child be nice to him but don’t put yourself into that position.

Yes l would.
They are clearly both still very young and will move on eventually so it’s doubtful that he will stay forever. To offer him support and home comfort at a difficult time is the kindest thing you can do as he has no family.
I would let my daughter know that it’s how l want to support him and do it as your daughter sounds as if she’s already making a new life for herself. You will be supporting the whole family by your kindness.

Yes I would offer him accommodation and would explain this to my daughter. This is the father of your DG and so part of the family. It’s the Christian thing to do.
Best wishes in the future for your family.

Yes. As long as he hadn’t been violent or abusive. He’s still the father of your grandchildren. If the relationship has just simply run it’s course then no one is to blame, so why treat one party or the other like a criminal. We in fact have a very similar situation with one of our son in laws. He never came to live with us but still visits etc.

As your DD is aware of it and his plan to move in with you I would put a 6 month fixed time limit on it. Your DD will not want him there if she gets a new partner and not every divorce is amicable.
Their marriage sounds suffocating if neither had outside interests or friends for years.

Just to add there’s no harm in you having a positive relationship with him moving forward, in fact that should be encouraged but I think moving in is a step to far…and I stand by what I said about your daughter

I’m very surprised your son in law would even consider it appropriate. Has he accepted your offer?
There are all sorts of other ways you can support him and your daughter at this difficult time but him moving in with you isn’t one of them!
I’m thinking being non judgemental; zipping it; babysitting; financial help; a listening ear; positive encouragement to both and being there for grandchildren etc.

Your DD has no right to ask you to make sure he is ok! He’s not your responsibility.
So she wants you to make sure he’s ok while she’s goes out with her nee friends and possibly new man? Sorry but what a damn cheek she’s got

Make sure he’s ok but don’t have him move in…that’s just weird!

My ex and I divorced and my MIL asked me still visit her. I used to do everything for her and I think she would of thought that would continue. Also I disliked my ex so much and would of felt very uncomfortable if he was there.

When I left my ex I went to stay with my mil, loved her to bits and always had a good relationship with her which continued even when I remarried_. To be honest I would do it.

If the break up has no bad feelings I would still like to see them. I’d speak to your daughter about it to make sure she will be ok with it will be nice for their children to know their dad is still welcome

My answer is no in the first instance. If one of my children came to me in the and asked me to temporarily house their ex I would consider it but not long term.

I think that maybe you need to have a chat with your DD.
It depends on what the situation is with the break up . If it's amicable and there is no animosity, may be ok as a temporary measure but just be careful that DD doesn't think you are taking sides.

Be guided by your DD would be my advice.

Amandajs66 Thu 10-Feb-22 12:54:26 - Not sure if dd knows her husbands plans

It seems really odd that you would make such a huge offer without discussing it first with your dd

Maintain contact by all means and support him, but re- housing him and establishing him firmly as part of the family unit?

The son in law has no friends (odd), and resents his wife making any; (very suspect). She is worried about his mental health but is offloading the responsibility on to her parents.

No one will be able to move on from this situation.
There is no impetus for the son in law to examine his behaviour which has contributed to the breakdown of his marriage.

I understand totally that you hold your SIL very dear, BUT our home is your home would be a no no for me.

Obviously we don't know the ins and outs to it all and i say absolutely yes to maintained contacts, but as for him sharing your home, personally i think that is an awkward situation to avoid.

Good post Peasblossom.

I agree Peasblossom.

Well, I think it could work if everyone’s on board with it. I’ve known more than one “unconventional “ arrangement that worked to everyone’s benefit.

It’s particularly good that the children can come and spend their weekends there with him. Too many dads have to spend their weekends trying to make a relationship on outings and visits to tiny bedsits. There he can eat meals, play games and have bedtimes with them. Got to be better for them and him.

Our children, yes of course. But the spouse they have decided to leave?

Hithere
Sometimes in life our children need our help, even where upsetting emotional problems are concerned.
Our children know that we would move heaven and earth to help them with such problems.

Based on the update, there is more cooking than what it seems.

"My dd asked us to make sure our son in law will be alright as she fears he will go into a very dark place. Yes we offered and he jumped at the chance."
Then he needs professional support to make sure he doesnt go there.

"There’s nothing wrong with a bedsit if you’re in the right frame of mine but he would be there 24/7 as he works from home. I feel that he would benefit from having people around him if needed.'"
Then he could visit you right?

Separating is very sad and traumatic, but him unable to cope in an adult manner is worrisome.

I hope the crutch you are offering doesn't go to enabling territory

You are too involved in their personal life. Why not let them fix this themselves?

Daisymae

The only issue I can see is that you don't seem to have discussed this with your daughter. I would get your SiL to talk his plans with her then follow up. In fact it's odd that she does not seem to know. I would tread very carefully here.

OP. says My dd asked us to make sure our son in law will be alright as she fears he will go into a very dark place. Yes we offered and he jumped at the chance

I think it makes sense. It wont be permanent and it’s good for the children.

This might be the sort of family in which the daughter understands and accepts that her husband will remain welcome in the family. We have several examples of this in my own wider family - perhaps not going as far as to have the ex move in, but support and continued affection have always worked out happily for everyone concerned, with no one feeling betrayed.