Have you ever been the other woman?

One of my mother’s friends was the ‘other’ other woman. Yes, her married lover had a wife in one town, a mistress elsewhere and when he visited Manchester he stayed with my mum’s friend who was besotted with him for twenty years or more. She lived a very hand-to-mouth existence, but when Bill came calling she bought the most expensive ingredients for his meals and waited on him hand and foot. He never took her out, never bought her gifts, and made no financial contribution to her food bill.

He was open about his marriage from day one, of course his wife ‘didn’t understand’ him - but it was only after ten years or so that he ‘confided’ in her that he also had a long-term mistress who was very ‘demanding’. Mum’s friend broke off the relationship many times, but he kept turning up and she never once turned him away. Then one day he stopped coming and it took years for her to discover he’d died.

Of course, it's silly to expect things to work out in your marriage. If you feel that the problems for a long time are not solved and your partner does not want to listen to you, then of course the best solution for you is to just leave.

My friend was widowed in her 40s. She had to be very firm with several of her friends husbands who called to see her. I was surprised when she told me who they were as they seemed very happily married.

Yes it’s true the men are often portrayed as innocent. I have never been attracted to married men but have had quite a few advances from them. Pretty much lose lose I’d say. They’d have to be separated and living alone for at least six months before I would be at all interested and that’s never happened.
Emotional betrayal is very damaging. But some people love power over others more than anything and both sexes enjoy that it seems. In the end they will all justify themselves.
My last partner, though we were not married had lived together for years and he was my children’s step dad. He wandered a bit, being a musician and very attractive to women which was hurtful sometimes. If ever I went away women would be round, but not seriously I thought. Then an old flame (single) got in touch with me and I met him and was a bit entranced, and...that was it, my partner flew, girlfriends flocked round him, one of them got him, I was seriously dumped. My old flame flickered again. Everyone has their excuses. Mine is that I was always attracted to dangerously attractive men so how stupid was that?

eazybee

I taught two boys in the same class; the father of one was living with the mother of the other; both boys were passionate about football, but the mistress's son was the better player so her lover devoted all his energy to supporting his football, at the expense of his own son.

I taught two boys in the same class; the father of one was living with the mother of the other; both boys were passionate about football, but the mistress's son was the better player so her lover devoted all his energy to supporting his football, at the expense of his own son.

M0ira

I often think about “ Hand on cock” the fact that for two peoples pleasure there are now eight peoples pain.

My husbands attitude was ‘this is nothing to do with our children’. The woman’s children went to my children school.

No, so could not comment on this thread.

I often think about “ Hand on cock” the fact that for two peoples pleasure there are now eight peoples pain.

Thanks JaneJudge, daughter knows her rights and is working towards making her and son's future more secure.
Just hoping any separation doesn't end up a long bitter battle.

Out walking with hubby a few years ago we met our doctor. Surprised to see him as the walk was not near his home. He told us quite openly that he was on his way to visit a lady friend whose husband always went to golf on Sundays.

It sounds like depression is being used as an excuse for his own behaviour. I understand you are angry diygran but your SIL is to blame for what he does or does not do. If I was your daughter I would be seeking legal advice to ring fence assets/money.

He is entirely responsible for his own actions.
Obviously not too depressed to start up and maintain a sexual relationship with someone else.

Agreed Freda65, a woman who sets out to pursue a married man with young family is the lowest of the low.
Elizabeth 27 he is very stressed in job and depressed, and will not seek treatment. He says he isn't seeing OW and she has left firm. Scared whole company would know she had affair with boss. Daughter still loves him but can't live with him until he gets treatment.
It's up to him if he wants to save marriage.
sodapop of course he is to blame as well as OW but she saw him as an easy target when they worked together every day. The fact she left her husband to deliberately make a play for him says everything about her. This was about money not love. He has always been a loving loyal husband but changed when depression hit.

Yes I have, but I didn't know. When I was in my early twenties I had a relationship with a work colleague. I really liked him. Then one evening as I was leaving work I was confronted by a strange woman who told me that my 'boyfriend' was married to her sister. They had a child with another on the way! I can still remember how sick and humiliated I felt. Needless to say I ended things with him and got a new job as soon as I could.

The other woman is getting a lot of stick from you diygran surely your son in law is equally to blame for this situation. Not quite sure what you mean by stating she is taking advantage of a man who is depressed.
It does seem there are an awful lot of wicked women about seducing poor innocent men.

When I was 20 I had a brief fling with a married man - but he bought his child along with him once and I realised how wrong it was. Broke it off there and then.

Timetogo 2016 just because it happens once it doesn’t mean it will happen again, that is just silly not every relationship works like that!

Yes I was the OW I always thought it would never happen to me! We were both married to other people! And while we weren’t proud of the fact we had fell in love, we both left our marriages and have now been together and very very happy for 40 years! So until it happens to you, you cannot possibly say! We have actually lasted a lot longer together than some marriages! You don’t know what goes on behind closed doors!

Are you saying that a pursed person will eventually ‘ succumb to an affair purely because they have been pursued? (Genuine question & no wish to offend anyone)

I think the blame should be on the husband, he is the one that made the vows, the one that is lying and cheating. The other woman owes the wife no allegiance. Who knows what lies the husband told the other woman.

diygranwhy is your daughter waiting for him to decide, surely she will not have him back?

Of course the husband is responsible for his betrayal however any woman who pursues a married man really stoops to the lowest of levels. The pain and destruction is frankly irreparable, the impact to the wife’s ( or husband if the other way around) mental and physical health shouldn’t be underestimated. Often it’s a life sentence...
So for anyone out there playing with fire and knowingly having an affair with a married man or woman ... think again eh

Posts about priests blaming the wife for a straying husband remind me of a friends husband who went on a retreat while he decided between his wife and the OW.

On the day he was leaving the priest asked his what he had decided. He said that he intended to leave his wife. The priest told him to go back to his room until he came to a better decision.

I should have added, he is vulnerable by being clinically depressed and the OW has taken advantage.

Daughter's husband has been having affair with work colleague. This OW should know better. She has three kids and has separated from her husband to make a deliberate play for son-in-law. He has a very good job and she is seeing £££s with big house, lots of holidays and wants that life.
Daughter is spitting mad. She met husband when they were both trainees and lived a simple life for many years.
They now have a gorgeous young son, but are living separately while he 'decides'
what future he wants. All the family are devastated, and you can imagine our feelings towards this conniving OW.