Where have all the dads gone?

And Allsorts, the morning after pill doesn't always work- I have a lovely nine years old grandson as proof. Nothing to do with absent fathers, just that my ( responsible) daughter and son in law had a contraceptive failure, they acted swiftly. The little chap was swifter!

BlueBelle?

Are there vast droves of men wandering around fathering children and taking no responsibility for them
Ask Boris Johnson ?

A parent has no right not to pay towards their child's financial support.

Alot of times it's better if the absent parent doesn't get involved.
Also people have the right to not become involved in a child's life if they don't want to..women included.

People need to think about all of this before they decide to bring children selfishly into the world.

That they may be financially supporting this child alone.

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

I think many of these posts show a lot of prejudice and belief in stereotypes.

The majority of single person households are the result of marriage and long term partnerships breaking down, and like it or not, even if the father is contributing, the cost of running 2 homes with associated costs such as council tax, rent, utilities is much more exensive than when the family are together and that is going to tax the majority of families.

Of course there are a group of society, who come from broken homes, violent homes, dysfunctional homes, who have been neglected and unloved and to these having a baby who will love you is a lovely thought. But babies have to be loved and cared for to show love and neglected and abused babies cannot show love and the cycle re-occurs.

One thing I have noticed recently is the frequency with which a baby quickly follows a new relationship, in a way one didn't hear of in the past, where new and possibly transient partners seemed to not want children. Is their a belief by some young men that they need to prove their virility and power by getting the women in their lives pregnant, or is it a power play, 'You have had my child' you can never get me out of your life even if we split up'?

That's been acknowledged throughout the thread.
Of course there are extremes at both ends of the scale, but most parents just want a relationship with their child.

I've stumbled across this site. I'm taking it as read that all contributing to this thread think it's important that both parents are emotionally, physically and financially involved in a child's life (even after a separation) unless there are serious reasons for this not to be the case.

From first hand experience I can testify that it can be a struggle for a Dad to remain in a child's life. There can be many barriers and if your ex partner is difficult / vindictive can often involve significant cost to obtain a relatively small amount of contact time, an every other weekend arrangement being pretty typical with a bit of additional time in holidays etc.

If you don't have the resources or wherewithall it's quite easy to see how a Dad is sidelined and phased out of a child's life.

I appreciate that a lot of men don't make the effort and I'm not disputing that. But there are a lot of men also struggling to maintain a relationship for reasons which aren't fair, reasonable or in the kids interest.

I agree men need to contribute financially but as much emphasis should be placed on them also having an active role in the child's life. The current system doesn't support this (the process you need to go through to secure child access if need be).

MissAdventure

JaneJudge

you do a marvellous job, your daughter would be proud of you x

Sadly I won't be up for any accolades this year in terms of my nurturing skills.
They seem to have disappeared of late.

I agree, you do.

Besides the fact that you don't feel well, teenagers are not the easiest creatures to nurture anyway.
Sometimes impossible, well usually impossible.

Grandmasue
That’s a heartwarming story Sue.
I think you can congratulate yourself on a job well done.

I’m a bit late to this discussion but wanted to share my single-parent tale. This is from 34 years ago. My ex-husband decided to walk out on me, our 3 year old son and I was 3 months pregnant. He said he didn’t want the responsibility of a family any more. We had been married for 8 years and he took the car, the dog and went to live with a woman with 3 children. He lost his licence and his job shortly after and never worked again. He never paid me a penny or came to see the children after he moved away. After a few years he moved nearby and used to walk past the house occasionally to the local pub.
He died through drink related illnesses about 10 years ago. My children have good jobs, and my son is happily married with 2 sons. I told him how proud I was of him because he is a brilliant dad and had no male role model in the family. His reply was that he didn’t need one because had learned how to be a Parent from me. I managed to pay the mortgage on my own, got a degree, a teaching job and now have my own business. It wasn’t always easy and we didn’t have a lot of money. Our DIY efforts were very laughable and we certainly learned a lot through trial and error. Luckily we still love and like each other very much.

Grammeretto, Hormones get in the way is a no excuse. There’s the day after pill, it’s totally irresponsible to get pregnant under those circumstances, others have to pick up the tab, the child loses out a father figure, fathers are as important as mothers. Know a lot of mothers think they aren’t but they are. My dad was great and I miss him every day,. I’m fed up of people making excuses for selfish and silly women.

Miss A, if you need the food bank vouchers, get them.Please don’t let the small mean minded few on here put you off.
You do a wonderful job with your Grandson. It’s just an absolute disgrace that you should need the food bank

What area would that be, please?
People wait 10 or more years, here to even move up on the ever increasing list.

You are certainly not going to be shot down in flames by me OP as you are absolutely right,

The daughter of a friend of mine is married in her early thirties and in a two bedroom flat. In the flat above is a young woman with three small children and expecting a fourth.
No husband/father on the scene.
The woman delightedly told my friend’s daughter that she is soon being moved into a three bedroom house, complete with benefits of course.
My friend’s daughter would love to start a family but they are doing everything right by waiting until they can afford to, so it’s extremely galling to hear about this feckless young woman getting a house handed to her on a plate.

There’s something very wrong with a system that effectively rewards the irresponsible in society.

Oh and all the children have different ‘fathers’ of course,

JaneJudge

you do a marvellous job, your daughter would be proud of you x

Sadly I won't be up for any accolades this year in terms of my nurturing skills.
They seem to have disappeared of late.

He is like it.
The only thing he can reliably do is spend hours at the hall mirror, squeezing his spots.

Not saying that your ray of ? is like that, MissA
I was thinking of my DGC

MissAdventure

Yes, the baby can turn into a huge, stroppy teen.
My little ray of sunshine has just come in, full of the joys of spring.

"Grunt, grunt, I have to do everything round here" when asked to lay the table

you do a marvellous job, your daughter would be proud of you x

Yes, the baby can turn into a huge, stroppy teen.
My little ray of sunshine has just come in, full of the joys of spring.

My Mum has always said the same too, it is just a baby - worse things can happen than someone having a baby

3 children, 2 partners.
Considering the divorce rate these days it's no different for many people, as I have said, including people on here and their own family dynamics.

I was absolutely furious with my girl when she was pregnant.

It was one of the residents in the home I worked in who said "It's only a little baby. That's all. She hasn't killed anyone, or beaten them up. She's having a baby, that's all"

You mustn't kick yourself over what you could have said or done but didn't Sara54 You love her, you wanted what you thought was best and that is all you can do.

On the subject of food banks . Here we have a community fridge, funded by the climate challenge fund, which is filled with left over, supermarket, almost out of date food. I feel I am doing the planet a favour to use it though I am not in receipt of any "benefits" apart from my pension. The alternative for the food is compost or possibly pig feed.
The supermarkets then don't have to declare this as food waste. A third of all food worldwide is wasted which is a climate calamity.