Relationship problem - verbosity!

Buttonjugs

I think the problem might be looking after grandchildren AND working full time? That sounds like a ridiculous responsibility, no wonder you crave quiet.. but it not his fault.

I do think Gagajo is possibly stressed doing so much, but she should still be able to ask for some quiet. I think she's being too nice about it. You can be firm without being rude.

Unless we are talking about, who is that? Isn't that thingy from thingy? You know that movie where they went on that bus and it blew up and there was that guy in an orange hat, what was that movie called?

VioletSky that did make me laugh - we have that conversation through just about everything we watch ??

I think the problem might be looking after grandchildren AND working full time? That sounds like a ridiculous responsibility, no wonder you crave quiet.. but it not his fault.

You have my sympathies GaraJo, I would have to ask him to shut up for a bit or take a lot of solitary walk and sit in coffee bars.

Either have a talk to him or don a pair of ear muffs is my advice.
My husband wasn't a mixer with outsiders he didn't like people knowing our business. He used to say to me is there anyone around here you don't know I did the dog walking then.
When he retired he took over the main dog walking because I was helping with grandchildren.
He has come out of his shell since and made lots of friends. It's lovely in the morning I am sitting in bed with my iPad and a mug of tea. He stands at the door telling me everyone he's met and what the dogs were up too. I can't complain I get my quiet time while he is out.

I just tell my husband if he's talking too much, which he does frequently. I think honesty is the best approach. I tell him what he's saying is very interesting but sometimes I just need quietness.
He and I can both disappear to our own rooms for hours too. No offence taken.

Violetsky my husband does those things. He will also say while we're watching something, I saw that actor in a film and then proceed to tell me all about the film he saw. I have actually lost patience with him, but I can't cope with all the interruptions.

Just a thought, but does he respect your personal space and need for silence if you ask him?

There are people who despite living alone and being lonely a lot, are able to respect other people's needs and wishes. If he does not, cannot, or wants more than you can give, perhaps he's not the one for you. Usually relationships are better at the beginning , so if there are huge differences like this, it could be a red flag if it can't be resolved with good communication.

Chess?
It can involve a lot of quiet thinking.

I'm trying really hard to think of activities you could do that don't work with talking lol

Does he talk through movies? That would drive me crazy...

Unless we are talking about, who is that? Isn't that thingy from thingy? You know that movie where they went on that bus and it blew up and there was that guy in an orange hat, what was that movie called?

Can't seem to help that one and then miss the film trying to Google with only "thingy from thingy" to go on

Living with a moody silent partner is another 'hell on earth' situation believe me.
We are in our 80s but DH still works so he sees and talks to people all day long, I'm disabled and alone at home all day long, every day, apart from one afternoon a week when I attend a hydrotherapy pool.
Evenings are spent in silence in front of the TV, questions are answered by grunts or monosyllabic yes/no. I could scream just to fill the silence at times. I long for someone to talk to.

Could you buy earphones and pretend to plug into your computer for some peace and quiet?

I know someone like that, ME! I'm sure the Glesca Grannies, will testify to that!

I drive Mr MD mad, especially as he is a man of no words.

I’m afraid I’m one of those people who talks a lot! I have learnt to shut up sometimes to let others get a word in so I hope I’m not too awful to be with but I do babble away! I even talk in my sleep, my sisters used to complain about me when we shared a room!

I can’t blame it on living alone, even when married with a family I talked a lot. It’s odd really as I do enjoy silence around me and don’t have the radio or tv on as background noise when alone, I’m happy to just read or go on my iPad.

I know exactly where you are coming from GagaJo.
I have actually told Dh that he will never suffer from lockjaw as it hasn`t time to lock.
I also had a sister who would phone and i could never get a word in, to the degree that i could go into the kitchen,make tea and toast and she never noticed.

GagaJo I love me time and be very happy being on my own,my next door neighbour however calls in and then for the next couple of hours she never stops to draw breath I sometimes think when she goes home that I may have gone deaf.

Should say, I love a bit of alone time.

Oh no, I know that Casdon. Love a bit But it would be nice for him if I spent more time with him, because he lives alone. But sometimes I just need a bit of silence!

It’s not sad to want to spend time on your own though GagaJo, it’s quite normal, most people do.

Some people have to fill the silence for some reason.
I quite like companionable silence sometimes.
Well, a lot of the time.

I know someone like that annoying when ur trying to listen to music and just want to chill out in the garden. It’s because he has been alone a lot and gets over enthusiastic with having u to chat to.

My sympathies Gagajo I know exactly what you mean ?

MrA has spates when he chats about everything and nothing, and I don't do small talk and general chit-chat. I can sit very happily for hours and not say a word. Sometimes he just gets 'the look' and he says 'Am I babbling? OK I'll shut up now' and laughs. In return for his understanding and good humour I try to listen 95% of the time and be interested ?

That's a shame. Have you tried explaining this?

It is exhausting being around people who talk at you or dont take emotional cues.

It is sometimes the case that I have free time, but I don't spend it with him, because I need some peace and quiet. Which I find very sad.

It is wearing isn't it? I have someone like that who visits and I realise when she's gone that I haven't said anything. At least she does go but on a regular basis it would be hard going.

I know, I know. But honestly, he could talk through anything (and does!). He even talks at me while I'm trying to lesson plan.

He's a kind man, but...

Oh be careful what you wish for! I would much prefer a chatty affable partner, than a moody, silent one!