How to let go of my adult children

When our children become adults it is time to let go. We have done our bit in raising them and giving all the advice and suggestions during this period of growth now it's their turn to walk into the future with hopefully some of this information rubbing off.
We are all different and our thoughts and needs for our future are important and hopefully our adult children will be part of this. This isn't always the case when they move for jobs or move away even live in another country. However it's their life to live in the way they want and our life to live doing all the things we wanted to do but didn't have the time . You should be enjoying your life doing all the things that are now available to you to do. Life can be short don't look back wishing you had done something when it's too late.

MerylStreep

I doubt if the OP is still reading this thread.

I resurrected this thread… because I needed to read all the advice on here….again

I doubt if the OP is still reading this thread.

Shinamae, you have the balance right, and respond to requests.

I had a phone call from my daughter in tears this morning. She wants me to go up for a few days so I managed to get time off work and I’m going up Thursday, she’s really struggling because her husband will not accept that she’s not going to go back to him…

This2willpass

That’s it really. I recognise that I need to let my adult children make their own decisions in life rather than me trying to persuade to take my decisions. Finding it so so hard not to interfere.

I also find it hard not to interfere, or at least to try and make the right decision between interfering and wanting them not to make big mistakes in life.Little mistakes, yes are alright, but sometimes I have strongly felt my children are doing the wrong thing, they are grown up and my grandchildren are also grown up, but I am still worrying!
I suppose it is a matter of waiting to be asked for our opinion by them, and not doling out advice which is unwanted.

Oh my word,I have four adult children and certainly don’t contact them every day nor would I expect them to contact me the same way! If I did they would be telling me I need to find some hobbies,they know where we are if we are needed and would only give advice if they asked for it, we certainly don’t interfere they all have their own family units. Both myself and my husband brought them up to be independent people and they are doing just fine. And we all know we appreciate each other.

When my children left home I undid my apron strings and burnt my apron.

We are aleways willing to give help and advice if requested, and it is, a surprising number of times, but otherwise they are big enough and ugly enough to look after themselves.

Blondiescot

Urmstongran

‘Suggestions’ are just that. They will take them or not. My late mum gave me wise advice many years ago. “All you can be now is a safety net. They will drop in it if needed”.

Absolutely this! One of the hardest parts about being a parent is taking that step back and letting them fly - letting them make their own way, make their own mistakes etc, but remaining there for them as and when needed.

I went in to search to find this thread. really need to read all this. my daughter finally separated from her husband three months ago after being unhappy for about three years, he wasn’t abusive or anything she just fell out of love with him I think. Anyway I know I have been texting her too much and phoning her, she works from home so that’s not always convenient and she has two children three and five so reading this thread will help me to let go and as one of the posters said to be a safety net, that is really really good advice.. thank you..(she has pointed out to me that she has a very busy life and a lot going on)

Grannie Another county is better than another country. Of course its difficult but once you factor flights in it stops any last minute ' spontaneous visits. Be brave.

This has been so very,very helpful to ME so thank you for all your advice, I really needed to hear it…

Grannie06 anyone loosing family moving from that close to that far away, would not be human if they did not find the parting very very difficult. Of course, you will feel really sad.

There is being part of someone's life because they are so close and there is constantly interfering in our adult children's lives whether they want us to or not. and you are in the first group not the second [flowers}

To be honest I have never found it a problem. They are grown-ups; they make their own decisions; I give advice when asked.

Finding it very hard as my son and family are moving to another County after living round the corner for the past two years.

It's really satisfying when someone takes on well intentioned advice and puts it into action.

I really admire people who are able to take it on the chin without getting defensive like I would

But how pleased your DD must be that you were prepared to take on the fact that you had a problem and were prepared to do something about it. Well done.

Well done! Yes there is a middle ground, don't stop contact altogether. I'm so pleased you're making progress.

Good progress! I am cheering for you

I have already been in touch with gp. Been given antidepressants to help with my sleep. I am now going to the opposite extreme by not contacting my daughter. She has just said there is a middle ground.

this2shallpass

When is your first appointment? Any progress with your GP?

Thanks for all your replies. I am very grateful wish I’d thought about this before.

Exactly Teacheranne,i could have written your post except for your loss,so sorry to read that.

Wanting to get a call or text maybe just needing reassurance that you are loved. I'm babysitting for our son once a week, but dont get much other contact, I sometimes start to feel taken for granted. Sometimes when son comes to pick GS up, he will sit for a short visit, and sometimes we or they suggest dinner together, which is nice. I know they are busy with work and friends and the GS, but sometimes I want to hear whats going on in his life. But now that covid confinement is lifted, my life is more active and I don't think about it as much. They always celebrate mother's and fathers day with all 4 grandparents nd birthdays and alternating Thanksgiving and Christmas between us and the inlaws.

Some of what our AC did and do worries us.
But DD and SIL (Our DS died, very sadly) are adults and parents.
When we are gone they will not have us to second guess them.
(our parents were only helpful, in all sorts of ways, not dictatorial or disapproving. If they were, they kept quiet!)

Majorie

How secure is this site...I want to comment but I have people scrolling my posts..??

If you can read posts without logging in, Marjorie, then anyone who has access to the internet can read yours too.