Cannabis smoking neighbour

Just to add, I agree the cannabis is not good for the children, so is it possible to work with him to maybe suggest how he can get some support to cut down. All part of your friendly chats of course.

NotSpaghetti, I agree about the barbeques - and all the choking fumes. Several neighbours smoke weed. I just wish they'd all show some consideration and move well away from the buildings, as we have large gardens here.

The op should mention the problem, as he's probably unaware of the nuisance he's causing. I'm not sure what he can do about it, though, if the outside space is small - apart from getting a shed with an air filter!

If the neighbour was female, would so many posters be expressing sympathy for the pressures she’d face

Historically women seem better able to cope with raising children on their own. Maybe they are better mentally equipped to deal with the demands? Many people on this website have said how their mothers coped with raising children on their own, working two jobs and providing for them. I would say women are better able to survive without a man than visa versa. On the whole men usually need a woman to anchor them, and maybe flounder around a bit on their own.

Iam64

If the neighbour was female, would so many posters be expressing sympathy for the pressures she’d face

My thoughts exactly…

Is it illegal to smoke joints in your own home for your own use I thought it wasn’t any more ? I ll stand corrected if I m wrong

I m not keen on the smell of cannabis but don’t find it as dreadful as you describe
I m not sure what you can do I don’t think the police will do anything
So many people even those in high places smoke weed
I tried it once and it did absolutely nothing apart from make me feel sick

Iam64, sweeping generalisation I know, but many single mums have the support of other similar mums, whereas I guess single dads are less common and less likely to have much of a support network.
Agree with other posters that apart from his weed smoking, he is a very pleasant chap, my son and he were companionably both washing their cars the other day and getting along well.
I think he may have been thinking I was going to say something the other day after a particularly long and loud shouting episode audible to one and all, as he looked apprehensive when I spoke to him, but I just made the offer of a bit of relief from the kids, or emergency backup, which he declined, saying his mum will help him out in the summer holidays. (I believe she doesn't live in the area), but I said the offer was still there if needed. The children's mother is not involved in their care and from our conversation I think he is just feeling the weight of caring alone for 3 lively pre-teen children.

Iam64

If the neighbour was female, would so many posters be expressing sympathy for the pressures she’d face

Hell yes!

Speaking for myself only, of course.

Me too! I look after one child, my 4 year old DGS. It is exhausting. I can't imagine trying to do it with three of 'em.

I should stress I’d be sympathetic to a single mum- in fact all single mums. It’s tough and my experience personally and professionally Is single mums are more likely to be criticised than dads - sweeping generalisations are ok on this thread ?

Shandy57

My poor friend's husband is now being peg fed due to throat cancer after a lifetime of weed smoking. It is a reasonable request to ask him to smoke away from your house.

How much of each joint was tobacco?

It is illegal, but the police will usually just confiscate it and issue a warning or fine.
Drug driving is another matter, and they do seem to be testing for that more now.

It smells like cat wee to me for some reason...

Just tell him the smell is bothering you, can he please smoke away from your windows...

No need to worry about falling out

Iam64

If the neighbour was female, would so many posters be expressing sympathy for the pressures she’d face

No, they wouldn't.
My thought too.

What, isn't (s)he working? Is (s)he on benefits then??

Some of what he smokes must be just tobacco, he could not smoke 10-12 joints of skunk and still be standing.

Elizabeth27

Some of what he smokes must be just tobacco, he could not smoke 10-12 joints of skunk and still be standing.

Exactly so. It’s rare for people to smoke weed on its own, unless using a pipe ( so friends tell me)

I would have a word with him. Speaking from a place where cannabis use is legal, I 'm not as offended by the use, but I don't like the smell either. I do think that is an awful lot of pot he's smoking, and yes I do think it could affect his parenting.

While reluctant to say anything about his lifestyle choices, I would say something about the amount of smelly smoke drifting your way, and your right to enjoy your back garden.

Elizabeth and Iam64, I'm afraid that he indeed could smoke that much pot. People get accustomed to it and the effect is lessened on heavy users. It would be a very expensive habit, unless he is growing his own; which is another issue...

I live in the US and in one of the first state to legalize Marijuana, so I don't find it a big deal. However, of it bothers you you need to talk to him and let him know of the drifting smoke.

Just out of interest, imaround, do a lot of people smoke it there?

Firstly he isn't a criminal although he may have had a criminal past. You could report him, but neither the police nor social services are likely to do anything if the children are adequately cared for, fed, clothed and attending school regularly. He might be sent on a course which would make caring for the children even more difficult for him. www.release.org.uk/law/possession
It is also possible that he has recognised your husband and is stressed at the thought of living next door to you and that is one reason he doesn't want you to watch the children.
I think you should try to ignore it and close your windows. If you continue to be friendly and chatty it is possible that he might come to trust you more and you might one day be able to deal with things. But if you try now it may cause a rift.

In your position, I would scour the internet for a Cannabis Recipe Book; wrap it in giftwrap, attach a gift card with the words, "For The Sake Of Your Health", and drop it through his letterbox.

Tell him that the stink of it is making your husband unwell! He seems a nice man and yet needs to be told that he needs not to ever do it any more near your home. Also the children must not be exposed to the fumes.

No dilemma here, just support him or leave him alone.