Cannabis smoking neighbour

Iam64

If the neighbour was female, would so many posters be expressing sympathy for the pressures she’d face

Hell yes!

Iam64, sweeping generalisation I know, but many single mums have the support of other similar mums, whereas I guess single dads are less common and less likely to have much of a support network.
Agree with other posters that apart from his weed smoking, he is a very pleasant chap, my son and he were companionably both washing their cars the other day and getting along well.
I think he may have been thinking I was going to say something the other day after a particularly long and loud shouting episode audible to one and all, as he looked apprehensive when I spoke to him, but I just made the offer of a bit of relief from the kids, or emergency backup, which he declined, saying his mum will help him out in the summer holidays. (I believe she doesn't live in the area), but I said the offer was still there if needed. The children's mother is not involved in their care and from our conversation I think he is just feeling the weight of caring alone for 3 lively pre-teen children.

Is it illegal to smoke joints in your own home for your own use I thought it wasn’t any more ? I ll stand corrected if I m wrong

I m not keen on the smell of cannabis but don’t find it as dreadful as you describe
I m not sure what you can do I don’t think the police will do anything
So many people even those in high places smoke weed
I tried it once and it did absolutely nothing apart from make me feel sick

Iam64

If the neighbour was female, would so many posters be expressing sympathy for the pressures she’d face

My thoughts exactly…

Historically women seem better able to cope with raising children on their own. Maybe they are better mentally equipped to deal with the demands? Many people on this website have said how their mothers coped with raising children on their own, working two jobs and providing for them. I would say women are better able to survive without a man than visa versa. On the whole men usually need a woman to anchor them, and maybe flounder around a bit on their own.

If the neighbour was female, would so many posters be expressing sympathy for the pressures she’d face

NotSpaghetti, I agree about the barbeques - and all the choking fumes. Several neighbours smoke weed. I just wish they'd all show some consideration and move well away from the buildings, as we have large gardens here.

The op should mention the problem, as he's probably unaware of the nuisance he's causing. I'm not sure what he can do about it, though, if the outside space is small - apart from getting a shed with an air filter!

Just to add, I agree the cannabis is not good for the children, so is it possible to work with him to maybe suggest how he can get some support to cut down. All part of your friendly chats of course.

Riverwalk

Apart from the many spliffs, which is a big problem for you, he sounds like an ideal neighbour, and a great dad - heartening to hear that the children are polite, don't litter, and there's a routine of showers, mealtimes etc.

If it were me I'd have a chat along the lines of... you're doing a great job, it's lovely to have you and your children as neighbours but the smell from the spliffs is too much and causing us a lot of discomfort.

As an aside, does he not remember that your husband works for the Probations Service?

This post is spot on. I agree! Ask him over for a coffee and a friendly chat, I'm sure you have the skills to be kind about his fathering ability but firm about the smoking, away from your windows. But be understanding and sympathetic.

I do feel for the poor man. Bringing up three children on his own must be mentally and physically demanding. I wouldn't want to do anything to tip him over the edge and cause him to break down under the stress of it all. You should not offer to have the children because it would be understandable if he took advantage. Just be as supportive as you can with chats, that may give him a chance to vent his concerns which may help him.

Say you recognize his life stresses but could he please switch to edibles or move away from the house to smoke.
Good luck

My point, calli, as I'm sure you realise, is that there are lots of legal activities that are just as, or more dangerous, and that there are and have been for some time campaigns to decriminalise cannabis. I hold no strong views on that but can see the justification for that argument, as I'm sure most people can when you compare it with other readily available and much consumed legal, drug-containing products

Yes, I do know a fair bit although my information may be somewhat out-of-date.

Something being illegal doesn't automatically make it immoral. It's not good for the children to be brought up in an atmosphere like that, especially if it's skunk. We all know (or should) the consequences of secondhand smoke. That in itself is immoral as well as illegal.

My point, calli, as I'm sure you realise, is that there are lots of legal activities that are just as, or more dangerous, and that there are and have been for some time campaigns to decriminalise cannabis. I hold no strong views on that but can see the justification for that argument, as I'm sure most people can when you compare it with other readily available and much consumed legal, drug-containing products.

The man is apparently doing a good job of caring for his children and being, except when his weed fumes spread about, a good neighbour. Those are the most important things.

Apart from the many spliffs, which is a big problem for you, he sounds like an ideal neighbour, and a great dad - heartening to hear that the children are polite, don't litter, and there's a routine of showers, mealtimes etc.

If it were me I'd have a chat along the lines of... you're doing a great job, it's lovely to have you and your children as neighbours but the smell from the spliffs is too much and causing us a lot of discomfort.

As an aside, does he not remember that your husband works for the Probations Service?

Shandy57

My poor friend's husband is now being peg fed due to throat cancer after a lifetime of weed smoking. It is a reasonable request to ask him to smoke away from your house.

I agree about the reasonable request. Cigarette smoking causes cancer too so one could make the same request to a cigarette smoker, I suppose.

Asking him to move further away so that you don't have to close windows and it's not upsetting your DH shows him that you know but also, hopefully, shows him that you think he's a good enough neighbour to keep, so to speak.

MissAdventure

Well, it's still smoking a joint, I suppose.

MissAdventure

Well, it's still smoking a joint, I suppose.

?

At the risk of being too graphic, those of you who have been in close proximity to a dog which has let a real eye-watering deep-gut fart rip - it stinks like that.
Not nicknamed skunk for nothing!
Not that I or anyone I know uses it btw.

Well, it's still smoking a joint, I suppose.

I'm with you on horrible smells.
I have several people who live nearby who insist on meaty barbecues as soon as the sun raises it's head.
I find it to be a truly disgusting smell and resent closing my windows.
I know it's not the same.

You'd be surprised how many people smoke dope
No I wouldn't!

I wouldn't get offering to look after the children except in an emergency. You could be taking on more than you can cope with and getting too involved may cause difficulties later on.
You can be neighbourly without getting too involved.

Something being illegal doesn't automatically make it immoral
It's not good for the children to be brought up in an atmosphere like that, especially if it's skunk. We all know (or should) the consequences of secondhand smoke. That in itself is immoral as well as illegal.

Why should Growing0ldDisgracefully have to shut her doors and windows and stay indoors in summer?

I expect he is stressed but smoking marijuana all day is not going to help in the long-term.
I wouldn't say anything if it was an occasional spliff outside on a summer's evening but this is not.

Where's Mum - is she in the picture?

My poor friend's husband is now being peg fed due to throat cancer after a lifetime of weed smoking. It is a reasonable request to ask him to smoke away from your house.

I would say to him that he needs to be aware that you can smell it, and that probably other people can, too, so he will need to take measures to reduce the whiff.

That will probably be enough, as I expect he is wondering if anyone is "on to him".

Incidentally, I know a nursery worker who smokes weed, and it isn't particularly seen as a problem by the police or their employer, since she is a normal, functioning, intelligent person, and her children are well cared for.

I'd tell him he's doing a great job with his children. Be very positive.

I'd also just ask him to smoke his dope somewhere further away from your house.

There are many, many worse things he could be doing which wouldn't be illegal but would hurt his children more.

Drinking, having a range of girlfriends, are just two that come to mind.

You'd be surprised how many people smoke dope. I have a friend. Pilar of the community. An award winning teacher. Now retired. Has smoked it all his life.