Friend who overwhelms me with talking so much

think yourself lucky you don't live with this...lol

Hi Riete thx for advice. We always meet at a cafe or forest etc but yr idea is a good one. Love her really so must learn to be more assertive in a nice way!!!

I have a friend like that, she is lonely but it's not surprising as people avoid her. She talks about herself and her life and family the whole time and of course her family adore her (she tells us). I don't want to hurt her but she hurts herself.

Sorry Hetry57 were you replying to my post?
I was actually replying to the OP.
I hadn't actually read yours.

it's not a conversation, she's just 'broadcasting' to anyone. My mother did that in her later years, and woe betide anyone interrupting 'I haven't finished telling you yet!'

Never did it occur to her that I simply didn't have time for a two hour phone call - not with four kids and several pets needing attention.

My phone became 'dodgy' and kept cutting off (funny that). She bought me a new one. Still it happened (must have been the connection, then) so she often phoned BT to complain!

BrandyGran

No she is not lonely . She has a lot of friends. It's difficult as we know each other so well. I just don't want to hurt her.

If you have people to share conversations about your own life with, just let her rattle on. Pop to the toilet or coffee shop counter when you need a break!
See if she notices. Then you can tell her how you feel.
Or, tell her out right you dont feel the conversation is very balanced.
If she really isnt I terested in what you have to say, you can decide if you want the relationship to continue.

I have a neighbour just like that - where you really can't get a word in edgeways! I have to use hand signals, hold up both my palms and shout 'I'm going now, I'm late for a meeting, bye' then just walk away.

My sympathies for you Baggs. Same thing happens to me too!

Isummer along with missadventure just wanted to offer my support.

I agree, it is your sil who is the one being cruel (& selfish). Having been in the position you are in with my DH last year I know how difficult it is. Of course friends & family want to come and visit but some of them often don’t understand just how exhausting and emotionally draining it is for the person who is terminally ill to sit chatting and putting on a brave front. Eventually I just had to tell them that DH was no longer well enough for visitors, most understood and by this time he had seen everyone that he wanted to.

Our DC & GC continued to visit, supporting me & spending time with him but we still made sure we had time when it was just the two of us alone together.

If your sil’s visits are stressing you both out they need to be reigned in. Don’t let her cause you & your DH all this angst, spoiling what precious time you have left, sadly it’s time that you can never get back. Wishing you well.

Missingmoominmama, my son is in the process of being assessed for ADHD and he says that one of things that makes him anxious is running through the things that he has said (whilst trying to get to sleep) to see if he has irritated/offended somebody. I have suggested that his good friends will understand and the love they have for him should see him through. I am sure the people in your life will be accepting. I know I can over talk (its a nervous, excitement thing) so I make fun of myself to my friends and family who seem to tolerate it because they keep coming back!

hi brandygran,
how about taking up knitting, or embroidery, or something? you could do this while she's chatting away, so that at least you wouldn't feel it was time wasted while your friend chats endlessly.
but if you genuinely don't have the time, then when your time's up you should politely interrupt and say, i have to leave now, as i have an appointment at half past two.
best wishes

I have ADHD and I do this. I know I do though, so I try my best not to. It upsets me to think that I might irritate people. It’s a real struggle, especially when I’m nervous about doing it.

I do have one friend that goes on forever. The only time it really bothers me is if I am out with her, she will stop to chat with someone else she knows,

CanadianGran, my friend is a bit like that but she also chats to people she doesn't know. It's a good job I love her!

I have a friend like that. It took her many years to tell me that she has bipolar disorder. I've tried hard to be more tolerant since then!

I used to go walking once a week with 4 friends, which had to stop during covid. One of the ladies had got friendly with a neighbour and asked, post covid, if this neighbour could join us. We all said yes, but she has totally changed the atmosphere by dominating the conversation, questioning everything , being bossy. I think she is a bit lonely but it's getting quite unpleasant to spend time with her.

Hearts of Gold do make a difference. I was once invited round to a friend's. Shortly after I arrived her mother-in-law phoned and my dear friend chatted to her for a Very Long Time and I just sat there. I hated it and really wanted to make myself get up and go but I didn't because this friend's heart of gold is what made her give her mil the time that had been allotted to my visit.

What I don't and never will understand is why friend couldn't have said to mil: "Let me call you back. I have a friend here right now and it would be rude to exclude her." I sure mil would have understood (I've met her several times) and also would have known that Friend would indeed have called her back at the first opportunity.

I think it's partly not being able to put yourself in someone else's shoes and yet.... the heart of gold in many many respects. Baffling.

I do have one friend that goes on forever. The only time it really bothers me is if I am out with her, she will stop to chat with someone else she knows, but not for just a few minutes, she will chat for 30 minutes while I stand patiently nearby. And she is the type that knows everyone in town!

This has put me in a awkward situation, in that I have another friend in the same group that I would like to invite to my book group, but I feel I can't ask one without the other.

I have a friend like that. She is as mad as a box of frogs, talks over the top of you and rarely listens to anybody but she is ADHD. Her husband tends to wear a glazed expression and occasionally makes funny comments about the way she is and she takes pleasure from them. I find her exhausting but I do understand that she has difficulties and she is also very entertaining sometimes. She has a heart of gold and so I am happy to spend time in her company. x

MissAdventure

Try to take no notice of ignorant people, Isummer.
It's just about the most difficult thing in the world to watch a loved one's health failing.
It's clear to see who is cruel, here, and it isn't you.

Thank you, I appreciate your support as I have noticed on my short time on here that you yourself are unwell.
Hope life is not too hard and you are also getting support.
Best wishes

It is really difficult isn’t it? When I was at university I had a friend who wanted to spend all day, every day with me. I enjoyed her company, but had other friends that I also wanted to spend time with. Being much younger and less mature than I am now, I decided to be honest with her. I tried to do it as gently as possible, but she was terribly hurt. I am not sure that you can be honest in these situations, but there are other steps you could take to maybe have smaller and more manageable visits which would not offend your friend. Next time you make arrangements could you say something like, “I really wanted to see you to catch up, but I have an appointment at … so we will have to cut it a little short today. I didn’t want to re-arrange as it’s been too long, so I thought we could have a quick catch up today. Might that work?

Try to take no notice of ignorant people, Isummer.
It's just about the most difficult thing in the world to watch a loved one's health failing.
It's clear to see who is cruel, here, and it isn't you.

SylviaPlathssister

To * isummer* the one with the terminally ill husband and his sister who keeps visiting him. How cruel you are. I have a sister in Law who rules the roust. If she answers the phone, she never asks if I would like to speak to my brother. She gets between me and my brother as much as possible.
If he was terminally ill, we would all be controlled by her control freakerer.
My Mother, who was such a easy going person really disliked her, as she complained about my brother to her. She also complains about him to me, we are his biggest fans. She has no idea what we think of her.
I think you should come out of his sick room ISummer and give the brother and sister some of time on their own.

How cruel am I!! I am devastated you call me cruel. I am definitely not a control freak. Its incredibly hard looking after someone you love very much who is terminally ill and I never ever complain about him. He is a very popular man with lots of friends and family who are all being wonderful and give us a lot of help.
His sister stresses him out though, he gets very tired and due to his brain tumours finds it hard to follow conversations so her talking to him non stop for hours exhausts him. His other sister did say to her she was coming to us too often but she took no notice. She has just been to our house, we had a two hour talk on her cataract operation and her hearing aids, and does my husband know someone to fix her shower. He fell asleep in his chair. My husband would be horrified if left alone with her.
Without knowing me or my situation I can’t believe you think you can judge me. I feel very sad ? ?

SparklyGrandma, my friend does this too - well the free hour anyway. One time it was quite late in the evening and l had been very busy and l actually fell asleep for about five minutes. My daughter thought it was hilarious.

I have a couple of friends like this - I love them as friends but one of them can talk continuously, not taking a breath for nearly two hours. On the phone.

I used to be able to deal with it - but having been through shielding lockdown, I can’t deal with it so well.

I interrupt by saying I have to eat, have someone popping around or at the door right now.

PhilippaIII expressed herself very well and I agree with her totally.