Old Friend

DanniRae

Chestnut

PollyDolly

I recently introduced someone to a social group that I am a member of. They came along to an meeting an there was plenty of opportunity for interaction with lots of people. After the meeting I asked them if they had enjoyed it but they said 'no, not really, nobody spoke to me'.

I then asked them 'did you make the effort to speak to anyone?' to which they replied.......'well, no, I didn't'.

I have seen this countless times over the years that I have been involved with this social group. I am not denying, there can be an element of what appears to be cliquiness but all too often an established group of individuals will recognise a new person as being standoffish and distant.

Communication is a two way thing.

I think it's up to the group to welcome new people. The new person may feel awkward going up to people who are chatting. I think someone in the group should talk to them, introduce them to people and try to make them welcome. Normally that would be the person who introduced them, but if that's not possible for any reason then they should ask someone else in the group to take them under their wing and look after them. I really don't feel the newcomer should have to go round barging into other people's conversations.

I was going to come on here and say the same as you but you did it for me - Thank you!

Just to give my comments some clarity........the group comprises of posts of people involved an a number of activities, someone specifically sits around, huddled up in groups of friends excluding other people.

The dynamics of the social group are for individuals. to meet new people and make new friends both of which have to be a 'two way effort'.

No body was deliberately. ignoring the person I referred to, and actually several did try to engage her in conversation by asking her about her interests and hobbies etc. I also introduced her to countless people but she simply would not engage with the group at all.

Chestnut

PollyDolly

I recently introduced someone to a social group that I am a member of. They came along to an meeting an there was plenty of opportunity for interaction with lots of people. After the meeting I asked them if they had enjoyed it but they said 'no, not really, nobody spoke to me'.

I then asked them 'did you make the effort to speak to anyone?' to which they replied.......'well, no, I didn't'.

I have seen this countless times over the years that I have been involved with this social group. I am not denying, there can be an element of what appears to be cliquiness but all too often an established group of individuals will recognise a new person as being standoffish and distant.

Communication is a two way thing.

I think it's up to the group to welcome new people. The new person may feel awkward going up to people who are chatting. I think someone in the group should talk to them, introduce them to people and try to make them welcome. Normally that would be the person who introduced them, but if that's not possible for any reason then they should ask someone else in the group to take them under their wing and look after them. I really don't feel the newcomer should have to go round barging into other people's conversations.

I was going to come on here and say the same as you but you did it for me - Thank you!

Thank you all. I am going to look at Meet Up as well as the Craft groups.

Allsorts Crafting where you have something to occupy you and don’t need to push yourself / others to speak seems to me a great idea ?

I think Teacheranne is spot on. I've recently joined a new club and have found it to be most enjoyable. This thread has made me think about what actually happened on my first few times.
I think I was lucky that the other members seem to be polite enough to be welcoming to a new person. Like Teacheranne I can chat away quite confidently and that seems to make it easier for everyone. The club's main activity means that everyone has to play in pairs but pairs are selected by blind picking numbers hence a real mix up and chance to meet lots of the members.
Summary of my thoughts: a) pick an activity which involves meeting people in the course of it. b) be prepared to be chatty and friendly yourself. c) give it time!
Good luck.

I’m in two different WIs which gives me lots of opportunities to socialise outside the main meetings - craft group, book group, walking group, cooking group, gardening club and my favourite one, gin club.

I’m also in the NWR but it’s a small group of 15 and everyone is probably 10 to 15 years older than me but our meetings are fun and it’s easy to chat to people in a small group.

I also do some Meet-up groups, mainly dining groups as I enjoy going out for meals instead of cooking for just me. These groups are only getting going again after Covid but I probably go out once a week for a meal. You have to be fairly confident and social to enjoy them as often there might be no one there who I know well but I can chat away to anyone!

i agree a newcomer should be welcomed into a group.
the leader should look out for them.

Another vote for U3A. Our branch has several arts and craft groups and I have made many friends since I joined.

A lady who very recently joined our NWR group is good at craft and all manner of sewing skills. She soon started a Craft Group as another off shoot of the main group.

It's easy to get used to staying in Allsorts, I have a tendency to do that too. As you know, I joined a choir last October and having told a friend I'd go, almost talked myself out of it but am so pleased I didn't.

I really enjoy it and the concerts we've done but even so, have to kick myself up the bum sometimes to go.

Your crafting skills are so good, I'm sure if you joined a group you'd be able to give some tips and advice to others as well as maybe learning some new skills yourself.

It can take time to feel comfortable and part of an established group especially if you don't know anyone to begin with.

PollyDolly

I recently introduced someone to a social group that I am a member of. They came along to an meeting an there was plenty of opportunity for interaction with lots of people. After the meeting I asked them if they had enjoyed it but they said 'no, not really, nobody spoke to me'.

I then asked them 'did you make the effort to speak to anyone?' to which they replied.......'well, no, I didn't'.

I have seen this countless times over the years that I have been involved with this social group. I am not denying, there can be an element of what appears to be cliquiness but all too often an established group of individuals will recognise a new person as being standoffish and distant.

Communication is a two way thing.

I think it's up to the group to welcome new people. The new person may feel awkward going up to people who are chatting. I think someone in the group should talk to them, introduce them to people and try to make them welcome. Normally that would be the person who introduced them, but if that's not possible for any reason then they should ask someone else in the group to take them under their wing and look after them. I really don't feel the newcomer should have to go round barging into other people's conversations.

A choir really wouldn’t want me? I should make more effort to get out there, I do chat to people but it was all quite superficial with the groups I dipped into. I think I will take up craft and art as I enjoy those things on my own so it would be nice to do it in a group. Thank you,

I second U3A, I think you need to go to a group that’s for something you’re already passionate about and want to learn more about, that way you will enjoy going regardless of not knowing people and will fall into conversation about the subject more naturally. I’m a really keen gardener, and there’s a great community out there, shared interests is a great way to make friends.

I am sorry you have lost your dear friends.
It isn't surprising you feel a bit lost.
I reluctantly joined U3A as I had avoided age defined groups but find I love the walking group.
I am quite recently widowed with family rather spread out.
I have many friends but no Best friend.
I volunteer and I belong to a crafting group too. I'm also learning a language.
I don't feel lonely but I do miss my DH.
I hope you find a something to help fill the hole.

I second joining an NWR group, if you are fortunate enough to have one in your area. NWR groups meet in each others houses. The groups are small, so getting to know people is much easier. There are groups within the group, ie gardening group, walking group, French group etc. I love belonging to NWR. We're a mix of women, some married, some divorced and others widowed. Best wishes.

I recently introduced someone to a social group that I am a member of. They came along to an meeting an there was plenty of opportunity for interaction with lots of people. After the meeting I asked them if they had enjoyed it but they said 'no, not really, nobody spoke to me'.

I then asked them 'did you make the effort to speak to anyone?' to which they replied.......'well, no, I didn't'.

I have seen this countless times over the years that I have been involved with this social group. I am not denying, there can be an element of what appears to be cliquiness but all too often an established group of individuals will recognise a new person as being standoffish and distant.

Communication is a two way thing.

First of all sending sympathy and please forgive me if my syggestions are 'not for you'. Have you tried joining a choir ? They can be friendly and there's quite a few in this area at least so you coukd try different ones ,usually the first one is free . Secondly have you thought about getting a dog . I know it might sound silly but people are very chatty when you're out and about walking the dog . Just hope you find the right thing for your own personality.

Not every group is cliquey. I joined NWR (National Woman’s Register) and made wonderful friends.
What about volunteering in a charity shop or joining a group at U3A on a topic which interests you?