Not sure if I like my brother

Regardless of who is telling the truth or not, do you want to go and see him? Do you want a relationship with him? If you do, then go. If you don't, then don't go. I wouldn't bother bringing up the past as 'recollections can vary'.

All those years ago, what made you feel that your brother was to blame? Why has he told you this this now?

After 25 years, does it really matter why your brother and his wife split up? You've enjoyed a wonderful friendship with your ex sister in law and nothing that your brother has just told you needs to change that. As for going out to see him at his home; as Grandmabatty says, go if you'd like to. But personally, I'd be booking into a hotel rather than staying at his house. At least for the first visit anyway.

Well brothers don’t grow on trees I would say go to him if your sister in law was seeing someone else a week after they split you can bet your bottom dollar she was seeing him before they parted so your brothers story stands up Poor man if he’s taken the flack all these years or perhaps they were both seeing other people, it happens
All a long time ago enjoy your brothers company now and make up for lost time if you would like to

I think the clue to the truth is sister in law who was " devastated" being with someone else 1 week after the split.

I think you need to ask yourself some hard questions here..

Why did the whole family assume it was his fault?

Why don't you like him?

When he waited to tell you the truth, could he have felt you wouldn't take his side at the time or was he trying to not hurt you by risking you losing an important friendship?

His wife not coming to the funeral, I don't think is important...

A tough situation

You don't have to do anything just because he's changed his stance. If you've never really got on with him and you are happy with the occasional chat on the phone then stick with that.

'Brothers don't grow on trees' sounds like one of those things like 'You've only got one mum' which is mentioned on the thread about what not to say to estranged people.

I think what happened in the past is no longer important Betty25 you say you were never close to your brother, do you see a need to change that now.
If you want to visit I think Chewbacca had a good idea, stay in a hotel and make it just part of a holiday so you can move on when you want to.
I wish you well whatever you decide.

Don't think (judge) anything. Just accept the past happened and carry on with the present. If your sister-in-law is still a friend, then she's still a friend. If you've never really been close to your brother, then that's the same now too.

Perhaps take on board the notion of no-fault divorce as a way of coping with your surprise at what your brother has said now. Why has he said anything?

Grandmabatty

Regardless of who is telling the truth or not, do you want to go and see him? Do you want a relationship with him? If you do, then go. If you don't, then don't go. I wouldn't bother bringing up the past as 'recollections can vary'.

I agree

It looks as if he waited until your Mum had died to tell you the truth. Not sure why or what effect it should have on you. If it was me I would probably go to find out why he kept the secret so long. As far as the ex SIL goes, I wouldn't tell her (unless you already have), and go on as normal.

No-one lives in the past,move on and be happy your brother wants a relation with you.
Only they know the truth and tbh,its none of your business either way

I agree with Chewbacca and Grandmabatty. You have a close relationship with your ex s.i.l. which you've sustained for 25 years since the divorce.

Separate the two. You say you've never been close to your brother, so need to decide if you would like this to change but even if you do, that shouldn't impact on the relationship you have with your s.i.l. regardless of the 'truth' as to why the marriage ended.

Maybe your brother didn’t want to bad mouth the mother of his children when he left.
I would feel betrayed by my ex SiL. She’s the one that hasn’t been honest for the past 25 years. You say even now she wonders what she did wrong, well, let me think… have an affair maybe? Her devastation lasted a whole week, so I suspect she was seeing this person before she split with your brother.
If you are happy to continue with the little contact you have with your brother, then don’t feel you have to visit him. If it were me, I would go but stay in a local hotel.

I would go but stay at a hotel if one is available.