Cancelling date with friend

I always feel being honest with oneself and others is the best policy in life. I wouldn't personally need confirmation of an arrangement but I might send a quick message on the day to say I was going. Maybe she doesn't want to go either.

If you don't want to go, don't go. Just tell her and sooner rather than later so that she can make other arrangements with how to spend her time.

I think 'people pleasing' ie doing something you don't want to do, with someone, is rather dishonest to yourself and the other person and is pleasing no one. So the question to self is why did you arrange something you knew you didn't want to do? I wouldn't want to meet up with someone who doesn't actually like me!

My friends and I can cancel any time...even on the day as sometimes we are just not in the right mood to speak to anyone, even our closest friends. We are all very happy with this arrangement. We don't need to tell white lies or make any big excuses. 'I'm just not up to chatting today', is enough. But if this were to happen several times in a row, which hasn't happened, it might be time for an honest chat.

I think I agree with SueDoku. The last two years of lockdown etc has had a very odd effect on us. It’s all too easy to sit at home. Do give her a ring .. she might be feeling the same as you!

You obviously don’t think much of her as a friend or you wouldn’t want to let her down. I would normally say tell the truth but on this occasion I think it would be kinder to tell a white lie and say you’re not feeling very well. If you don’t want to continue the friendship then don’t agree to another meeting and let the friendship gently fizzle out.

Why do you need an excuse, just be honest and tell the person you don't feel like meeting up.

I would actually go, wouldn't bother reminding her either. It wouldn't bother me having lunch alone and if she doesn't turn up you know that she isn't worth bothering with again.

For goodness sake....call or text to confirm. Why are you leaving it up to her?

ChocoholicSue

My MIL declined an outing with myself and my baby daughter years ago now. She didn't drive or use public transport, my FIL worked so she rarely went out. Her excuse was that it was her day for cleaning the bedrooms. I never asked again.

Maybe she was in a bit of a dark place? You never asking again was a bit er...cruel.benefit of the doubt at least in order and second chances allowed you know

henetha

Can you just tell her a gentle version of the truth? That you're not feeling quite up to it but hope to re-arrange sometime in the future?
I know how you feel. I get like this sometimes.

Best answer? the truth or a close version is always best.for them and ones conscience!

Someone cancelled on me once, similar sounding situation. I actually felt quite relieved! Maybe she's feeling the same as you.

My MIL declined an outing with myself and my baby daughter years ago now. She didn't drive or use public transport, my FIL worked so she rarely went out. Her excuse was that it was her day for cleaning the bedrooms. I never asked again.

…we can all be up & down some days maybe it’s a test in itself to keep friendships. There’s never anything wrong in postponing with a bit of notice

I can feel that way but when I go I enjoy as chatting good for the soul especially if live alone but really only you can know why you hesitate maybe do a bit of soul searching
I wonder if I don’t text to confirm will she text me? or will she just go regardless

Yes if someone let's you down like that are they really a friend
Regarding the question above its disappointing to be let down last minute and the friend may be looking forward to the company she may be lonely, may not have many friends, may not get out much , think carefully re cancelling

A friend said to me recently that we all got out of the habit of going out over the last two years - and I think that this is all too true. It just seems easier to sit at home than to make the effort to go out - even to see friends.
Unless, we make a really determined effort to get our social lives back, we shall lose them altogether - and that would be a great pity.
If you didn't go to meet your friend, why not give her a ring and arrange to meet up in a week or so - and then go...?

It depends on whether it is because you don’t want to see her, whether you’re genuinely too exhauseted to make the trip to a meeting place. If it is the latter, could you ask her to visit your home?

I agree with smugie tell her you don't feel up to it. If she sounds disappointed you will know she still values your friendship. Ask her to call another time and if she does you know she wants to continue the friendship.
We all feel like that at times and going half-heartedly is no good you will show it and come away disgruntled.
Once when I was down I cancelled a meeting with a friend. She guessed what was the matter and arrived unexpectantly on the day with cakes and made us coffees to take onto my patio. It was a good job my excuse was genuine.

I'm just glad you are not a 'friend' of mine. I wouldn't want to force my company on anybody so I'd prefer it if people who weren't that into me didn't make the arrangement in the first place. It is easy not to make arrangements, more difficult and hurtful to drop them once you have made them.
One thing I would say (being a person who always does what I have agreed to do) is that often the things I least feel like doing turn out to be the best experiences. I think it is a case of low expectations give high returns rather than high expectations leading to greater disappointment.

Again a lot of fuss about nothing. Just tell her you need to cancel.

I have been on the receiving end too many times. Last minute excuses and the like, and it is very hurtful. Put yourself in the other person's shoes and don't mess with other people's lives.

I don't think the world will end if you just say you are feeling a bit under the weather. It's not unkind, and going when you don't feel like it won't make for a happy outing for either of you. As someone else said, a true friend will be OK with that and if not, it might be time to do a bit of pruning anyhow.

If you don't feel like going somewhere, inform the other(s) as early as possible. If others do that to you and you feel like going out anyway - do so! Good Manners cost nothing - do not let people drag you down to their level. Asking us to help concoct an excuse (a lie, as it were) is not cool.

My DD has a friend that's always cancelling after arranging to meet. Various excuses over the years eg grandmother, grandfather both have died at least 6 times each over the years, dog is ill, mother is ill etc. Most are lies but she still stays friends with her. The latest was she has covid so couldn't come to DDs birthday. Perhaps that was true Idk. I couldn't stay friends with someone like that.
I think you should go as maybe your friend is lonely and needs someone to talk to. Xxxx

Sometimes you just know when a friendship is ending. Wonder if this is you now?

Be honest as there is nothing worse than dishonesty and you always get found out.

I would go to this one rather than cancel last minute, but don't make any more arrangements if you aren't really bothered with the friendship anymore. Your friend could be really looking forward to your catch up, but don't waste her time either.