Cancelling date with friend

I can't believe the fuss over this. When I meet up with my friends, we put a date in our diaries to meet again on a date around our usual gap between meetings (that varies from friend to friend). These are always "place markers" so that we meet up. Otherwise, time passes with the gaps lengthening. However, one or other of us touches base before that date. We both know we can change it, decide we want to do something different together, etc.

Not one of them would unfriend me, nor would I unfriend them just because we had to miss a coffee/lunch, etc., or change the date.

The reaction of the OP seems excessive - unless I have missed something. Why, oh why could the OP not contact the friend? What does it matter who does it?

You may not be looking forward to it but she may be and it could make her day.Wouldn’t you consider doing it for her?

I agree nandad it’s not kind at all why make arrangements with someone you’re ‘not keen on’

So basically you’re stringing this person along? You don’t particularly like her but you make plans to see her then you let her down at the last minute. Life is too short especially when you come across people like you who feel they are more important than others.

Notjustaprettyface

Hi Smudgie
Thanks for advice
No it’s not a friendship I am that keen on
Hence my indicesion
I think I will do what you suggest

Call it off asap then and hope you don't hear from her again.
Don't arrange to meet people you don't like.

Is that person really a friend if this is a friendship you are not keen on?

I would go this time and decline future invites

Giving an excuse will come off as flaky and rude

Hi Smudgie
Thanks for advice
No it’s not a friendship I am that keen on
Hence my indicesion
I think I will do what you suggest

I think it’s mean to drop out at the last minute without a genuine reason and I think it’s even meaner to pretend to be ill if you’re aren’t really ill
I d go but don’t make any further dates unless you want to see her

nandad

Sorry, I have friends who have let me down a couple of times because they weren’t feeling up to it, I thinking it’s wrong and makes them questionable friends.

I agree with nandad. Either tell the truth or go.

I have had the "I don't feel like it" excuse. I had turned down another friend as I always honour the first appointment.
I think if you are able you should go. It's annoying to be let down with a feeble excuse.

I would go this time. Text her and have a chat it’ll make you feel better about tomorrow. We couldn’t go anywhere for such a long time it’s a shame not to go now.

Sorry, I have friends who have let me down a couple of times because they weren’t feeling up to it, I thinking it’s wrong and makes them questionable friends.

Did same today. Said I was ill. Love but didn't hurt her

RichmondPark1

My friend cancelled lunch with me this week. I was driving the hour to her house so it would have been an easy couple of hours right on her doorstep.

She gave me a couple of hours notice and the reason that she had lots of housework and was weary.

It was pretty hurtful and a bit selfish I think...although you might think me oversensitive. At least I know where I stand with her now and won't be going out of my way for her any time soon.

I agree that that was selfish, and I would have been annoyed, too.

Life happens, and sometimes things come up that can't be helped, but it's a bit off to tell someone that they come second to the housework! It also assumes that the other person had nothing better that they could have been doing if the arrangement had never been made, which is also rude.

I wouldn't blame you if you kept her on the back burner for a while.

If your genuinely not well you wouldn't think twice of cancelling...Are you secretly hoping your friend has forgotten or doesn't want to go either?? Why not just text her and put your mind at ease...

I think you should go now. It seems ridiculous to cancel because you "don't feel like it".

I would much rather hear the real reason than an excuse. Excuses are usually obvious to the listener and they often come with a solution to the reason given or rearrange the date.

It is so easy to text if you cannot face speaking to her. Just say sorry for late cancellation but you do not feel like going out and will contact her when you do want to meet up.

My friend cancelled lunch with me this week. I was driving the hour to her house so it would have been an easy couple of hours right on her doorstep.

She gave me a couple of hours notice and the reason that she had lots of housework and was weary.

It was pretty hurtful and a bit selfish I think...although you might think me oversensitive. At least I know where I stand with her now and won't be going out of my way for her any time soon.

Have you been in touch with her to confirm the arrangement? If you message her you will know if it's still on.

I agree. Just go. All social contact is good for you and worth its weight in gold after the lockdowns. I always feel better when I’ve forced myself to get up and out.

I really don't think it's fair to drop out at this stage. Your friend's life is short too, and you don't know whether she's turned down other options to keep the date free for you, or what other arrangements she's had to make to be able to come.

Why not call her to make sure that she's ok and still expecting to meet you? She might be wondering why you haven't confirmed, too.

Sometimes I don't feel like some sort of social event like that but I make myself go and am invariably glad that I did. Why not just go? You might really enjoy it.

Agree with Henetha, I think it's better for there to be an element of the truth of you are making an excuse. It would be perfectly reasonable to say that you don't feel too well and therefore not really up to it this time. Leave it open to mutually rearrange when you feel better. Is it a friendship that you actually want to let go? In which case wait for her to ring, maybe she feels the same as you in which case you won't hear anything. Sorted!

That is a shame Notjustaprettyface but if she is a good friend I am sure she will understand and hopefully you can re-arrange another time to meet soon.