Annoyed But Need Tact

I know how you feel when you get 'help' which distresses you. There is no point in getting him to carry on cutting things for you as it distresses you, and you're on tenterhooks as to what he'll destroy next. You need to hire someone who will not cause you distress. Try it and see how YOU feel. Your son will be fine.

Your relationship with your son is far more important than any tree or shrub, Caleo

My nearly sixty son is the same. Anything that looks slightly. sad is cut down to ground level. That includes my lovely lupins and two ornamental trees. I was upset to say the least, but decided best to not make an issue of it. Mainly because, what is done is done.

You know how he’s going to do it - either let him get on with it or hire a gardener. But you have an overgrown (albeit deliberately) garden that you can’t manage yourself and it won’t take much to have it completely out of control. Accept that things have changed and that it’s no longer practical to have your garden the way you want.

If your son was doing you a favour, then shut up. He doesn't have to help. If you are not happy pay a professional gardener to weed your garden and trim shrubs. Then feel free to complain if he doesn't do it the way you want.

your firethorn's will be fine, I had one cut down by a handyman for access and it was full of blooms and berries the next year. It did it a power of good.

I think you are very blessed to have a 60 year old son who helps you a lot around the house and garden. Do you think he exists to serve you? Did you specify exactly what you would prefer for each plant? No, you let him do it without interruption so that you could be unhappy. You are being unbelievable. What do you do for him?

It is such good advice to say nothing about something that cannot be rectified, feel grateful for the work that has been done for you, and find a way to have a tactful and kind conversation about the general issue at another time. However I never do this myself in relation to my own husband. So I should also take this advice. Also I am so sorry about your plants. You obviously love them and it is hard on you. Hopefully they have shown themselves tough and will survive. This is life. We cannot always take difficulty away from those we love.

If they are your tools, hide them.

If they are his tools, laugh and say, oh no, my poor shrubs have been pruned enough, and confiscate them.

Show him what you typed here. I find if I have an issue I do write to my children and it seems to work for us. Honesty is the best for your relationship?

If they are pyracanthas they will need pruning ar some stage anyway unless you want them 20ft high and bushing out everywhere which is not ideal as they are very thorny. I cut mine back a couple of months ago and it has already put on at least 4ft. My neighbour rebuilt cuts his right back twice a year. If anything your ds needs to cut it back further.

I’d be pleased to have the ‘free’ help. My son could, but is just not interested in it…
Just gently ask him to take it easy and ask you before anything drastic. There’s a nice way of telling him.

When it's the week of the garden bin collection, my OH goes round with loppers and secateurs cutting down (he calls it pruning) everything in sight. His objective is purely to fill the bin with little regard to whether things will grow back or perish. Nothing I say seems to affect his gardening 'methods'.

just be glad you see him!

Howckind of your son, the shrubs will recover.

I think I would be thankful that your son helped. Tell him next time they just need a trim as they haven't grown much.

MerylStreep

Callistemon
My OH is so anti pruning that I literally have to do it when he’s gone out. ?

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Callistemon
My OH is so anti pruning that I literally have to do it when he’s gone out. ?

That one too Callistemon. Love it!

"You say it best when you say nothing at all"

I would be tempted to be out there with him, make yourself look busy but steer him away from whatever it is you don't want him to touch. It might also be a good idea to explain the growing cycle of some of your plants, that was he would have a clearer understanding.

We have quite a lot of lavenders and MrP is itching to set about them when the flowers fade.......'Not on your life' says I, that's my job. I know fine well that he will cut them too low and spoil them.

Somene who offered to help tidy my garden said to me as he flourished his new cordless chain saw, "I'll cut down that dead tree for you." The "dead tree" was my very healthy sugar maple. He thought its feature of peeling bark meant that it was dead. I stopped him just in time.

Caleo

"I'd say nothing rather than upset him."

I have a mind to get that framed.

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"You say it best when you say nothing at all"
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Redhead I agree with the wisdom of supervision but my son hates to be micromanaged.

"I'd say nothing rather than upset him."

I have a mind to get that framed.

Your son sounds like my DH nice but a neat freak maybe in future supervise him. My DH asked the other week does my herb garden need trimming. I pointed out to him all the bees and insects thriving on them. They are there to be enjoyed in our food etc and for wildlife to enjoy too.
If I want help in the garden I literally have to supervise or my DH would have a field day cutting everything neat and tidy.