Family unforging

No, it’s not, but it’s not an estrangement situation.

Unless there is a back story,

I think it’s shocking using the c word in front of his grandchildren and being drunk, not a good combination I wouldn’t like that in front of ours, he’s apologised etc while I would forgive I wouldn’t forget it in a hurry, maybe he needs to curb his drinking

Oh me too Sara I hate the word. It could be the last straw or as Allsorts has said, it could be an excuse.

Smileless
Yes, I agree that to cut him out of their lives is extreme.
I think there must be a lot more to this, and as someone has said, it could be a last straw situation.
But regardless, I think to use that word within a family situation, is totally unacceptable.

Allsorts
Some people just enjoy being indignant. ?

How any anyone can comment not knowing the back story I don’t know. If it’s a one off, it’s a massive over reaction. No one likes swearing, that word particularly offensive, but to cut your flesh and blood off for that, is it an excuse and if so why, you have to think why, now at 75 is he past his sell by date? If it’s a constant reoccurrence, I still wouldn’t cut him off, he has a problem, just avoid social interaction until he changes, but I would have the talk with him and ask him to get help as it’s unacceptable. It’s life people mess up occasionally unless we are saints.

Yes, they're justified in being upset Sara but cutting him out of their lives for me is a massive overreaction.

Apart from death or injury, is there no valid reason to CO?

Really? Is the daughter just to put up with atrocious behaviour?

I disagree, I think they are justified in being quite upset, maybe not a case for cutting him out of their lives completely, but I would be upset if it was my husband, really out of order.

There could be more to this as you say DL but based on what we've been told by JPB I also think this is a massive overreaction.

If there is no back story, there is nothing to "forgive"

Simply a person, flawed like the rest of us, using an unpleasant word at the wrong time.

No one is injured, no one is dead. Massive overreaction.?

However, there could be much more to this.

Summerlove why are the women in his family not allowed to have this boundary?

Indeed, why are the wife and daughter held to solving bad behaviour they didn't cause? They may well need a very long time to "forgive" the man's atrocious, shameful actions - if ever.

It seems unlikely one incident led to estrangement. There’s a back story here.

DiamondLily
I think there is certainly a back story, but we are left to guess what it might be.
I’ve certainly been drunk and said things I wouldn’t normally say (not that word) but I’ve been forgiven, as I’ve graciously forgiven my husband for the odd overindulgence.
We used to have a lot of parties, so our children have definitely seen us and our friends a little merry. But you still remember where you are and who you are with, and moderate your behaviour.

I hate that word and would be pretty annoyed if someone used it around me. I would call them out in it.

But, unless there is a back story here, this is a huge over-reaction to one episode of using a word that's disliked.?

The family need to get over themselves - we all behave badly at times.

Some of us have even been known to imbibe a glass or two around the grandchildren.

I spent years working for the DWP and a child protection dept. I was called that word so many times, by "clients". in a working week, I thought it was my middle name before long lol ?

I hated being called it, but I didn't fall into a puddle of shock, clutching my pearls around me....?

Smudgie
I think it’s more to do with the circumstances, who was present, we still don’t really know the ins and outs of it,
I work in an office area, apart from an exasperated ‘Bloody Hell’ now and then no one swears, but I daresay down in the workshop it’s a different story.
But I wouldn’t expect a technician to come up and speak to a customer and use bad language, it’s all about what’s appropriate, and he obviously misjudged badly.
It’s just one of those words you really don’t want to hear your dad say, and once you have, you can’t just forget it.

I can't believe we are all still discussing this, fascinating as it is!! I'm quite often morose and I have one large gin and tonic with a bag of crisps every night of the week to help me out of it. In front of the grandchildren too, when they are here I make them a non alcoholic cocktail and at 6.00pm we sit and chat about their day. It seems to me that this family needs to calm down and discuss the episode now that the heat has hopefully gone out of it. How many more times must the father apologise? We all make mistakes and some of us have even got drunk, it's not the crime of the century unless you are driving a car of course. I've heard the C word many times, from women too and this was working in the NHS!! Swearing was rife, I don't condone it but maybe this family need to stop clutching their pearls and get to the bottom of why the father behaved as he did. Maybe he is ill or struggling with a personal problem?

Ms30

I would recommend you open your own thread so you can get the support you need

MerylStreep

Norah
The OP has never stated that he drinks to get drunk or that
they have asked him to quit
It’s one word, not a bloody hanging offence.

Sure, but why are the women in his family not allowed to have this boundary?

My son has not spoken to me for 2.5 years and I've not seen my grandchildren. His partner just doesn't want me around him or the kids. We were very close.... There is a lot of emotional abuse going on. He was a much loved boy. He blocked me from everything and wd never acknowledge me. I had lifesaving surgery in April and despite his sister saying it was serious he didn't believe it and didn't call. Having an angiogram tomorrow... His 91 year old gran. My mum messaged him and asked him to pray. He said OK... But it means nothing. Still nothing. They are having a third child and scan advertised on Instagram. Now he's opened the Instagram to me. He has rejected every advance and didn't care if I am alive or dead. He just wants me and my husband to praise him for having a third. But we know we won't see the child. I have nearly ended my life over this and the pain is unimaginable. Help

I think the OP and her brother are fixing on the c word because that doesn’t require either of them to actually look at his behaviour.

The OP herself uses “morose” “unsociable “. On a visit to his daughter he couldn’t be bothered to make the effort to be pleasant and good company.

Why can’t people forgive? I guess this grumpy, self-centred man has had a lifetime of of people “forgiving” his behaviour. So much so that his sister hardly notices it and thinks it must have been because he swore. What else could it be?

They’ve said enough. Good for them. Now it’s up to him.

Norah
who drinks with their grandchildren around
The late Queen Mother springs to mind. She imbibed every day starting at lunchtime with her beloved Dubonnet with a splash of gin.
And then there’s me, of course.

MerylStreep

Norah
The OP has never stated that he drinks to get drunk or that
they have asked him to quit
It’s one word, not a bloody hanging offence.

"Drank too much and said the c word" could easily mean he drinks too much, has before, has been asked to quit.

Who drinks with grandchildren around?

It's my guess. Nobody said it was a hanging offense.

Those with boundry crossed can estrange if they choose.

Thank you Meryl ! I did the Man of Laws Tale which was a torture but I managed to get a pass!! I may look up your references if only to keep my brain neurons working.

Smudgie
In The Miller’s Tale and the Wife of Bath the word was spelt differently. Obviously you didn’t ask ?