Family unforging

There is more to the story, for sure

Forgive does not equal forget and go back to where it was before.

You can forgive somebody and still remember what they did and choose not to associate with them due to their actions.

Forgive does not erase the damage and hurt

Surely this is also about the context he used it in? If he called his wife or daughter this word and used aggressively it can hurt and TBH I am not surprised they are not letting it go. The fact that he was drunk does not excuse his action as to me that means the alcohol just loosened the tongue and he was obviously thinking it to start. How he goes about correcting this is another matter perhaps family counselling . I would try and find out the whole story before being sympathetic to him.

A great friend fell out with her dad (and for very good reasons, which I won't mention here) at the beginning of the year and has not talked to him since.

2 weeks ago she got the call- he had died suddenly and totally unexpectedly. She is distrought because she didn't make it up with him and will never be able to do so now.

I have never heard my husband use the C-word, and if I did I’d be pretty astonished and wouldn’t like it.

If he was drunk and used it in front of my grandchildren, I think my daughters would be pretty disgusted with him.

I don’t think they would estrange him, so I agree something else is going on, but definitely pretty bad behaviour.

Maybe an overreaction, but I don’t think a daughter would feel comfortable hearing her dad use that word, best to give her a bit of time.

I agree with the consensus- there is another side to this story that you haven’t heard.

I do not think this is really about a one-off C word. It speaks to something else I'm afraid.
Have you had a conversation with your sister-in-law or your neice?

If forgiving meant just that, yes, but if it meant inviting him again, probably not. I wouldn’t be inviting again any grown man - or woman, come to that - who can’t hold their drink and would forget him/herself so far as to use the C word in front of children.
I’m no prude - I swear myself, quite a lot sometimes - but there are limits.

Obviously they can’t be sure it won’t happen again.

Drunk and abusive whilst visiting grandchildren? He has a drink problem that needs to be addressed.

Like others, I cannot believe that this was all. It may have been the straw that broke the camel's back, and/or you have only heard a much redacted version of what happened.

If they cannot forgive something so trivial they cannot have liked him much anyway.

Big old overreaction there the c word whilst nasty is not the end of the world or the reason to forgo a loving father daughter relationships
Very weird

I agree Folornhope seems like an over reaction otherwise.

I too think there is more to this and you should keep an open mind.

People do forgive but often not until certain behaviours change and they feel safe it won't happen again

Lots of us behave badly from time to time for whatever reason. As he has apologised I think the family should gently find out why he behaved like that….always more going on in people’s lives than we know about.

This - he was morose,drank too much and said the c word sounds very thin for the reaction generated.
There is more to it, as others have said.

You weren't there. I think you have a particular view because maybe the info is not complete.

You ask "why does no one forgive?" - maybe you should ask "what has happened" to make forgiveness so very difficult/impossible for several people including his wife?

How strange. I don't like the c word, but it's hardly the end of the world, nor should it be the end of any relationship. Especially as he seems genuinely sorry. There might be more to it than appears.

PS. Are you sure that that was all that happened? Have you spoken to your Niece?

Poor chap, what a terrible over reaction.