Flying monkey - anyone aware of the term?

I'm pleased this thread has been resurrected, I think it's useful and supportive and as I said before, I think it would be good if there was a 'support throughout abuse' thread on GN but it's too much to hope for.

As others have said, no one can know what living with a Narcissist is like unless they've survived it themselves. The Narcissist hides behind a mask of lies, which they've spent their lives perfecting, only at a late stage do they show their true face to their victim (and it is victim). I'm at the Flying Monkey stage, a frightening and insecure place to be.

It would be helpful if this condition were to be recognised. I've had to involve the police and social workers (violent ex Narc) but they won't/can't do anything (it's a domestic/civil case) unless his hands are round my neck, then I could phone for assistance ('excuse me, but would you mind letting go of my throat so I can get my phone to call the police'). I'm on a Police Protection list and thankfully he's moved out, but only down the road.

It would help so much to have someone out there to talk to. Yes, I go online, Quora are helpful, but actually having someone 'closer' that has or is experiencing the same living hell, would be a great mutual (hopefully) support...

i was brought up by npds, not until my mid 50s did i realise why i could not make sense of my family, far too long.I thought i had the experiences to keep away from npds or at least learn how to deal with them,not so, i recently was a flying monkey for an npd who was very clever in his ways, only last week i realised his game, the result- he switched to being a victim!

Allsorts

Surely people that do that have some mental disorder. Think most people would know if they were being used.

Allsorts you've obviously not come into close contact with a Narcissist then!

Bohemian - hope you’re ok and get good support in

This is actually really helpful too. It explains when and how to go No Contact with an abusive person so that you can protect yourself and heal.

It also mentions flying monkeys

Hope it helps someone

www.supportiv.com/healing/go-no-contact-nc-without-guilt

I know how you feel Doodledog. My mantra is if they can't say it to my face, then I have no interest in what's being said behind my back, but it can be hard.

Mr. S. worries about what our GC have been and will be told about us, but since we moved away and never see them as we pass by, that doesn't bother me like it used too.

There's nothing we can do about it and TBH we're better off not knowing.

I just wanted to share this with anyone who needs it.

We don't have to give our emotions to the narcissists in life. We don't have to internalise their thoughts about us. We dont have to let them tell us who we are.

Stay strong, be authentic, love yourself

narcwise.com/2018/01/20/break-free-from-abuse-by-emotionally-unhooking-starving-the-narcissist-heres-how/

What a thoughtful and interesting thread, thank you.

boheminan

Did you get the Flying Monkey treatment Doodledog?
Nothing to do with the neighbours Welbeck

I don't know (and try not to think about) what has been said behind my back since I 'got out'. As I'm not there to defend myself it could be anything, but at the same time as I'm not there I dare say fewer people will be interested. It does prey on my mind at times, but there is nothing I can do about it.

I have tried to stop unwanted contact, unfortunately for me, I got an awful police officer who didn't agree you get to end a relationship with abusive parents and thought that "grandparents have rights".

Those rights apparently include setting up multiple online profiles to stalk and harass an entire family, because its in the"public" domain. I ended up deleting most social media.

I wasn't strong enough at the time to ask to see someone else.

So of you dont get help, please don't give up, fight for it.

Did you get the Flying Monkey treatment Doodledog?
Nothing to do with the neighbours Welbeck

is this a neighbour dispute, bohemian, or some kind of domestic abuse/control and coercion ?

No, I was lucky in that 'my' narc wasn't a spouse or close relation, so I was better able to put some distance between us. It was difficult though.

As I think this thread has been supportive to a lot of GN'rs, I'm reinstating it. My latest foray into the murky world of NPD is an upcoming second trip to the police station, this time to give a statement. Has anyone on GN travelled this far down the line?

A flying monkey is a piece of rope across a stream or chasm that kids grab and swing over on as far as I’m concerned.

f77ms Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

Thanks Yammy. Much appreciated and good to be back.

Sago

Yep, I know the expression well.
My late mother had NPD, she had lots of flying monkeys.

NPD ?

Years ago when new to GN I read about so much estrangement by AC I had a look at Mumsnet and was shocked by the vitriolic threads about toxic mothers ( grans). There was pages of guidance and encouragement on how to go No contact.
My understanding was that Flying monkeys were people ( usually friends/close family) who must be estranged as well because if you kept contact with them while estranging toxic granny, they would report back to her with all your business.
Found the whole thing a real eye opener.

Doodledog

It is a term used mostly in discussions of people with personality disorders, and refers to people in their lives who either believe their version of events or are somehow in their thrall. They then, knowingly or unwittingly, act on behalf of the disordered person by spreading gossip or ‘doing down’ their victims.

Genuinely disordered people aren’t as thick on the ground as many think they are, but even so, most of us will probably have been in the orbit of some of them at some point. I have known two narcissists, and probably was a flying monkey at one time. They can be very convincing in their victimhood and when someone who you see as a friend (or sibling, lover. colleague or whatever) tells you something you tend to believe their version of events and try to help them out. It’s not until much later (if ever) that you realise what was going on - usually after you have become a victim yourself.

That is what happened to me. For years always believed my husband's accounts of incidents when he saw himself as the victim and defended him to the hilt. I would not do that now.

Yes it is worth the effort it takes allsortsofbaggs even when like it's been for us, it's taken several years.

FannyCornforth

*Shep*! You’re back! ?
I’ve pmed you x

Good on you Fanny.You speak for a lot of us.

I have heard and used the phrase "Flying Monkeys"

As many of you GNers have pointed out they can be as damaging or more so that the (NPD) person winding them up and setting them off.

I do believe there are fewer people with "full on NPD" than there seems to be but there does seem to be far more Narcissistic Behaviour around now than when I was younger.

I remember buying Christopher Lasch's `'The Culture of Narcissism (1979)" in a bargain bin in 1992 to read on holiday and thinking he's exaggerating, but he was so right in his analysis/prediction.

DH used to ask the rhetorical Q "why do ... lie?" He got fed up of me saying because they are Narcissist. Eventually, after my thumb nail explanation, he researched it and said "you are right" :-). Well thank goodness for that or I've wasted 7 years of training and a small fortune in books :-)

People with NPD and their "flying monkeys" really do so much damage that I am grateful there is so much information available now to help people identify and deal with the NPD's and their weapons.

However, I am saddened that so many people have been hurt and are still being hurt by these behaviours /actions.

For those of you who are working towards healing from the hurts caused by a Narcissist or the "flying monkey" it's a painful process but worth the effort it takes.

Could well be Baggs.

Ah... that may be what I'm thinking of too, smiley.