So, I started dating a girl, we clicked straight away everything was going so so well. At this point two months in I realized that I wanted to be in my first relationship with her. However after those two months (lets say August time) she told me that she was having family issues on her side and it meant she could not put the energy into building a relationship between us. It hurt but I had to respect it. During that time we would have small conversations catching up with each other to make sure that we are both okay but she wouldn't give into giving us both a try.
One day we then had a phone call and she basically said that I should go and pursue a relationship elsewhere because she couldn't give me any guarantees. Again, I had to respect it. So I decided to put myself out there and met someone who I was FWB with but both mutually agreed we was not in it for a relationship. This was in October. During this time me and the girl started speaking on the phone more and more and she asked me if I had been on dates with anyone else I said yes at the time. She said it made her a little bit angry inside but at this point I think she was warming more towards coming back and giving it a go, which was the case around December. We had a phone conversation into the night and she asked me a question "Was I sexually active with anyone during the time we weren't together". At this point I said, I can lie about this and take it with me to the grave or be honest and transparent (like all relationships should be) and she reacted completely opposite, she was taken aback from it. She said that she needed a few days to think about this as she couldn't see me the same way. At this point my hands are shaking, my mind mentally is all over the place. I remember the morning after she put up a post in her language translated to "Good Morning to everyone apart from some" which made me feel it was directed towards me. I was so heartbroken by all this but at the same time she called me as well to check on me and my anxiety which gave me hope. But then a few days later she called me to say that she's not going to pursue our relationship any further. Worst news I could have hoped for. During the call we are going back and forth but what stood out to me was the fact I was made to feel belittled and a shit human being. She told me never to contact her again. She is quite a cut-throat person who doesn't hold back with their words so I knew she meant every word.
I was so hurt inside but angry too because of how she spoke to me. I understand how she feels but I just hate the way she spoke to me and my mind was in a gutter these past few days waiting for her answer only to be talked to like that. My reactionary response was to go back on dating app a day after this happened but then happened to get a message from her with a screenshot of my profile and she commented saying I am full of shit and that "How do I know you doing other things until I was available for you". I simply said "We can agree to disagree but we will go nowhere. It hurts me you made your decision final and very apparent which I will respect and learning how to accept it. Wish you all the best" with a few more personal stuff to it. I believe she deleted my number and never heard from her again.
It has been around 7 months since this incident. I am currently seeing someone now and its going good. Its been approx. 3 months. But recently I had a dream about her reaching out to me after someone I knew in real life passed away. Since then its been playing on my mind. Then a few days after that I was on Instagram and on my suggested accounts she popped up (She created a new account). I don't know if this is a sign but right now my head is in a very weird space. I feel like I want to reach out to her, not necessarily with an aim, but more so to get this 'hate' off my chest. I would want at least one final conversation to really talk about why this happened. I'm not the type of guy to end on bad notes with people and this was the worst I've had with anyone. What's worse is that because I am seeing someone this is a distraction that I want to settle on my mind once and for all because I don't want it to get in the way of both of us.
What should I do? Deep down in the heart I want to reach out regardless of the response
