I like my own space…

Since I started work full time I get very little alone time. My brain needs a break and doesn't get any peace now.

It isn't something I can do much about really.

I'm the main earner in my house though lol

Your sociable DH always gravitating to you M0nica reminds me of when we tried to create a playroom for the DC. It didn't work. They always wanted to bring their toys into the family hub.

When my DH was alive he was always busy out and about on his various projects and I have my studio to "play" in. We would sit together in the evenings each on our own laptop, chatting intermittently about our days. I miss that so much.

I like time to myself too, fortunately my husband understands this and takes himself off on his bike or works outdoors. We share some friends and have separate friends so go out with different groups as well. I do some voluntary work which gets me out of the house.

Agree with OP, we had to upsize so we had an office each on the top floor - but omg the stairs

we have a large enough house that we both have our own little offices at home, his is his music room and mine is my craft room so I have the best of both worlds, my own space and being with my husband.

I’m twice divorced, and now the youngest has moved out I love having the house to myself. Newly retired and my time is my own!

Tell me Ugh!!!

We moved to our ‘retirement bungalow’ when we retired. We only viewed properties that had 2 sitting rooms. The one we bought has a nice lounge, a snug and a sitting area in the kitchen . We don’t have to be in the same room as each other all the time. I read, my oh watches tv. I sew he goes in his workshop. It works well and really helped during lockdown.

When DH retired early it was not easy but we soon got into a rhythm and over the ‘what are we doing/eating today’ thing and him following me about like a lost puppy & tripping over the hoover. He discovered other occupations and I carried on as per and we met in the middle in a comfortable compromise. I am now used to the deafening silence to which I wake up each morning since he died and don’t think I could give up my space to anyone after 10 years, but, I wish he was here annoying the hell out of me and bringing me tea in bed and suggesting the day’s activity and being loved which is what you miss the most.

When DH retired over 10 years ago, it was almost a catastrophe. I'm younger so had to keep on working. At one point with 4 jobs at the same time..nightmare. Caused such resentment. He has no hobbies, friends so intruded into my space at home. I felt guilty if I did things by myself. Couldn't comfortably have friends round. It's a bit better but I long for him to go out, or babysit Grandchildren for my guilt free own time. There, that all sounds so nasty.. I try not to show my misery but sometimes!!!!

Yes, do like I’ve done - throw him out and divorce him !
If you wish, trade him in for a better model !

alone time is essential for most peoples well being,psychology bears this out.I think this would be a good post to pass on to people who think being in a relationship is the be all.......

The old adage “I married him for better and for worse, but not for lunch” is never truer until you get settled into the new routine… ?

All this discussion on how to, subtly or otherwise, make a retired man aware that he isn't welcome in his own home makes me very sad. You should be ashamed of yourselves.

I enjoy having him around- but very glad to 3 things

a) we have lots of space so we can each have our own

b) twice a week he has his own activities and I have time to myself

c) he has many interests and does not expect me to be velcroed to him, and never asks 'what's for lunch?'.

After my divorce I adopted a new mantra - I love a man in my life, but not in my house.

I am so much happier living life on my own terms. I cannot judge other female friends who have retired husbands at home… they have definitely learned to work out their arrangement. BTW - the husbands are absolutely wonderful people! Give it a chance.
Cheers!
USA Gundy

I agree totally with Maw. I used to get annoyed at my DH for always being there but now he isn't and life is so empty without him. Some of the comments above seem so harsh to me now although I probably said them myself in the past.

We're moving shortly (new house needed substantial intervention) and I have had a she-shed put in the back garden; a large insulated log cabin where I can do textile-y things. DH is lovely and will no doubt bombard me with cups of tea, but yes I need my own space too.

Tuskanini I do not think we are suggesting anything like that.

But most people need some element of alone time, not even 'me' time, you can be alone and content while scrubbing a floor. But on the whole husbands are older than wives and women, until recently, retired at a younger age, so had some years at home alone where they adjusted to patterns of everyday life that fitted in time on their own during the day when their DH's were at work, so that evenings, when their DH's were home, was family time.

When DH's retire and are at home ll the time, it quite naturally disrupts the pattern of how life used to run.

I felt exactly the same when my elder child no longer went for an afternoon sleep. The rythm of my day with 2 small chldren worked round the quiet period after lunch when they both had an afternoon sleep and I could be alone with myself, doing domestic chores, but alone.

Then DS no longer needed a midday sleep and my quiet time went and over the next few months until I finally adjusted to a new timetable for my life, I nearly had a nervous breakdown.

I expect any husband, retired before his wife, and pottering around the house to his own timetable, feels exactly the same when his wife retires.

I know exactly how you feel,we have never lived in each others pockets & our marriage probably wouldn't have survived if we did but my DH retired so I went from him being out 8am until 6pm Monday to Friday to being at home full time pottering around looking for things to do. I still work part time but it drives me crazy . I really miss time on my own at home which I know may sound selfish but it's what I was used to .After some really bad rows & me even considering separation he has now found some things to do & is out 2 full days a week & for a few hours in the afternoon's another couple of days when I'm at home, I still find it hard & feel like I have lost a part of myself & the me time I used to enjoy.

I have lived alone since my divorce for about seventeen years. Early on it was a time of adjustment as I learned to manage everything myself but now I don’t know how I’d be with anyone around me the majority of the time as I’m so used to pleasing myself! I think it must be lovely to have a like minded partner- a ‘soulmate’ if you will- as some lucky people I know do. But I’ve never had one of those and hearing from friends and acquaintances about the downsides of life together in retirement it makes me think…. but I’m sure there are lots of ‘upsides’ too!

I work from home and my OH retired during the pandemic so he's been at home for a couple of years now. Luckily he's happy to do most of the housework, which is great, but sometimes I just need some time to myself, not just for working, but, say, to be able to watch a show I prefer without him sitting there making comments as it's not something he would have picked. It's not aimed at me, but the screen. I know I can watch these things on a tablet any time, but it's not the same. Or when we're watching the news or breakfast TV he's constantly chat-chat-chatting away, which gets a bit irritating at times when I'd like to just concentrate on the news. I go for a walk most days on my own, a time that I really need to be by myself.

I take myself off to my computer for an hour or so after lunch, it's upstairs, and that just gives me that time to myself I need.

I start to feel quite unwell if I can't have space to just "be".
I haven't lived with another adult for 36 years (apart from emergency stays)

We have our own rooms for study and hobbies, etc., and our house is large enough that we don't get under each others' feet. Of course, it costs more to heat when you use more space but we've never regretted upsizing but we had to pay for it from our earnings - no inheritance freebies here!