My son and his wife’s divorce

It sounds as though they need an independent intermediary to help to sort things out.
As for what you do to help, I would suggest just being there for your son, but don't try to help unless asked.
It's difficult, I know, to take a step back, but it'll be best for them. They need to sort this out for themselves as much as possible.

Let your son know you’re there to help and leave it at that, keep it general not specific. At some point shared care will be sorted, either voluntarily by your son and DIL or with the help of an impartial intermediary. Your time to help will come, it’s just not now I suspect.

So sorry to hear this. Do you and your daughter in law get on? It will be hard to not get involved, but just let both know you are there if needed. I do hope you get to see the baby. I pray things work out for you.

They need to go to mediation. They'll probably have to anyway if they want to divorce sooner rather than later. Mediation will give them both a chance to explain how they would like things to be. DS found it painful but helpful.

Isn't this just a new marriage ,a new baby and two new parents under pressure to be perfect ?
Lots of folk find the first couple of years of married life hard ,my friends used to tell me that her husband and her fought about something stupid nearly every day .Then when it came to bill paying there were fieworks!
I think having a baby so soon after marriage might be a bit more than they can cope with .Might be an age/maturity thing ,but if they can agree to just take a step back and keep quiet until they've thought about the issue they might get through this.
I think people throw in the towel far to easily nowadays ,Take time to asess if he loveshis wife and child or if its just simpler to walk away like a lot of folk seem to do .Marriage is always a work in progress

I am going through this with my DS&DIL at the moment I think they will have to arrange mediation for visiting/access to my 4yr old DGD. we are two weeks from the marital home completing on the sale and things are strained at the minute she is taking all contents of the house which I personally think is most unfair but I have kept my thoughts to myself these past 6 months and just been there for my boy when he wants to talk

Step back - they will make the divorce arrangements with the help of their lawyers

Ask your son how you can help him

Be there for your son, it’s down to them to sort things out, of course it’s sad but they won’t be the first or last to find it difficult with a new baby, I don’t know how long they have been together before they had a baby but I know how difficult it can be, babies however sweet can be hard work, obv I can’t answer as to why she doesn’t want you to babysit op but sounds like she doesn’t want you to help maybe, just stand back op and let them sort things out for themselves, it’s very sad though when baby is so young that they are separating, but who knows what goes on in another couples marriage only those in it do, I hope they can manage to sort things out though for everyone’s sake

Leave this to your son to sort, just be near as his ear.

All you can do, really.

About 3/4 years back my youngest daughter told me she was getting a divorce after 16 odd years, she said she didn’t want to talk about it. I told I was here when she did , from that day to this she has never said a word The children were all teens and old enough to chose ….one lives with the dad and visits the mum one lives with the mum and visits the dad and the youngest goes between the two having a room at each The adults as far as I know have no contact at all
It is what it is let them work it out and offer a shoulder …IF NEEDED
It’s sad but it’s life

I appreciate everyone’s comments. It’s hard to stand by and do nothing when i know they are hurting, though that is what what I’ll do.

When my marriage was falling apart I visited my Mum as usual and said absolutely nothing, she 6th sensed I was troubled but
said nothing. I used her for visits of sanctuary and this she
gave me without a word. It was what I needed and I was gratefull. I now treat my own AC the same way.