I'm desperately in love with my partner (ex as of yesterday ?)
Together almost 3 years. both have kids. live in separate houses but with planning application in at his .
I have never felt so in love (I'm in my 40's) or so comfortable or happy with anyone.
His daughter has been difficult for day one
As expected at 13/14. I could list some awful situations but picking out 3 off top of my head she poisoned something that belonged to me with bleach, breaks things I've brought over for her (weirdly any drink we have when out always falls over or the glass breaks, and she told my daughter who was 8, that she had a life threatening illness that we had been told not to discuss ?)
She lies, and one of the worst was her accusing me of standing over her intimidating her. I asked her for more detail as wanted to clarify when this was and then of course would apologise...but there wasn't really a time in the past months that we had been in the same room. I was baffled.
This specifically worried me as I'm in a profession where an accusation like this could cause career issues. She would know this.
After a particularly difficult few hours with her, I quietly stopped going over to my partners house. It was easier without the conflift and also it is her home.
Her dad is scared of her. There is also a slightly uncofmy dynamic in that she tries to act like a mini wife . I actually understand this as her mum is not around
.it's a very difficult situation for her.
At 16 she is not a young lady and incredibly mixed up.
I found her some counseling but she had a few and convinced them she was fine and didn't need support.
Locally, friends mum's keep their children away from her. I actually (genuinely )feel sorry for her) she is very troubled and it doesn't appear that anyone can help her
She is difficult to like and I am very aware that this must be utterly miserable for her.
She can also, be incredibly charming ...tall, elegant and interesting but she works a room finding someone vulnerable, either drunk or naive and will try to separate them from the group. It's difficult to explain but I've seen it happen pretty much everytime I am with her. To start with I thought maybe she was shy and felt more comfortable with one person but it invariably ends with drama, big rows, other parents sending her home etc etc.
Gradually over the last few months I realised that my time with my ex was being squeezed away. She always, without fail (I think because of attachment issues) phones her dad within 45 mins of us being together. A child absolutely should have free access to a parent but when it was happening when we were in bed together..I had to gently say it was making feel uncomfortable.
He has tried to bring in some boundaries and we then used to only see eachother when kids weren't around.
I also, importantly never asked him to stay over when she was home. I have tried to minimise any reason for her to be threatened by me or the kdis presence.
She must have picked up on this and now and for last 12 months won't let her dad know where she is staying (she has family dotted around locally but notably grandparents and her mum) so come 7.30 on a Friday night I still won't know if I'm seeing my partner. I know I Brought that one myself but it's got to the point I feel like I'm having an affair. I can't, because of limits I've put in place to prevent coming into contact with her, Actually maintain a normal relationship with my partner.
Thursday we had a row. It was my fault. I know that. However I thought I'd leave it quiet a bit as tbh fed up talking issues over. There is always something...usually related to his daughter. I left it just messaging a morning and a bit in the day and a good night. Nothing like the contact we usually have. I know bit childish of me but I'm quite stressed with my work, I'm a single mum myself with no family within 100miles... actually I'd like a partner that I can meet for a cuppa without his 16year pod daughter throwing a tantrum.
I have done an awful thing and told him I can't stand her or her behavior.
I also told him if anyone had said that about one of my kids, that I'd be showing them the door. I would!!
It's not really her fault. The parenting is.
I blame myself for not having more confidence, day one, to say her behaviour wasn't ok. Also maybe I shld have kept entirely out of it...thing is very difficult as he constantly spills into the snatched hours we have togther.
I can't envisage a life where it is dominated by his daughter. I have such a lovely life with my two children. How can I bring chaos to my children's life which is what happens whenever she is there.
Last night my partner, now ex said he was crying in bed and had lost the love of his life. I feel the same but don't know how to remedy it. I think for both sets of children's sake it's better we are apart but I am heartbroken
Thoughts appreciated?
