Driving- does it affect your relationship?

No problems with us both been driving for years but DH is more confident on complicated motorway journeys. He took an Advanced Driving Course with the police some years ago so I am happy to hand over the keys for some trips - also i can have a nap.

Enjoy your freedom Carenza123.
You will love having your own car!

I have just bought myself a car because I was fed up with being controlled by husband. HE drove me to where I wanted to go and picked me up again, I often missed out on stopping for a cup of coffee because he was picking me up! I feel his driving is not as good as it was but he hates any criticism. Now I have freedom to use my own car.

It's a guide though. My DM was a nervous driver. In the 1950s, a widow in her 30s when it was rare to be a woman driver, she passed her test after 8 lessons all she could afford and drove to work in central London!

As soon as we, her 3 DC could drive she literally took a back seat.
Perhaps more of us, including the men, should be more like her.

My DFiL was still drove in his 90s. But he was very scary.

I suppose I had in my mind one particular friend who is not at all confident as a driver. Because of her “careful” driving she is actually a hazard. Things like braking sharply on the motorway when a car is joining from a slip road, overtaking a tractor on a country road slowly,

She wouldn’t feel safe when I accelerated and overtook the tractor in seconds, or when I continued at a constant speed on the motorway.

She drives down the central lane of the motorway at her 50 ish speed because then she doesn’t have to move from the slow lane to overtake, which she doesn’t feel is a safe thing to do.

She would only feel safe if I drove like her. So a passenger feeling safe isn’t really a valid measure of good driving.

How is a driver not a good one if her passengers feel safe?
Grammaretto you can feel safe and not actually be safe.
Quote from your last post "my definition of a good driver is one whose passengers feel and are safe."
Overconfident I agree is not a good characteristic. But you can be made to feel nervous by the driver.

I don't understand. How is a driver not a good one if her passengers feel safe?

I have been a passenger in cars where I haven't felt safe and the drivers were definitely not good.
You can drive fast, if the conditions are right, or slow but my definition of a good driver is one whose passengers feel and are safe.
Being overconfident or nervous are not good characteristics.
Some bus drivers are awful.
I have had to complain twice recently when the driver started up before his elderly passengers were seated.

Being rude and impatient to other road users is too common nowadays.
I hope none of you or your partners are guilty of that.

I lost confidence driving on motorways I don’t like the speed. When we go anywhere for a trip or to our daughters my DH drives. He always sets up the speed limiter and the sat nav but he doesn’t need too. He knows the journey off by heart and he never ever speeds it’s become a habit.
So we are driving along listening to the Aussie guy on the sat nav giving directions it drives me mad. If I say anything my DH overreacts and we end up having a stupid argument. He is stubborn and set in his ways and obviously likes a routine.

A driver whose passenger feels safe isn't necessarily a good driver.
But a skilful driver is not always a good driver.
Being good involves more than just good driving skills. It's about being a considerate person whilst behind the wheel.

nadateturbe

Lathyrus it depends on your definition of "good".

I guess one measure of good is not causing accidents, which doesn’t necessarily mean not being involved in one?.Another would be not relying on other drivers to compensate for poor driving.

Both fast and slow hesitant drivers are guilty of those two.

What would your criteria be for “good” driving??

Always have had my own car. And yes, he always has had the 'better' car, for all sorts of (probably good) reasons. And we both drive on holiday, but the truth is I only do about 1/3rd.

We both have the occasional remarks- but very rarely. He is a very good driver, and ... so am I very lucky.

Lathyrus it depends on your definition of "good".

Not in the sense you mean, though I do occasionally feel that dh is too close to the car in front - usually at speed on motorways - and do sometimes say so. But he will then pull back a bit.

Where he does annoy me, is when he virtually always takes my (smaller, easier to park) car for very short trips into town, when we have a fantastic, free bus service.

It’s not that I mind the taking of it, it’s the principle. Particularly after the other night, when we were watching yet another documentary largely about global warming, and I said couldn’t we watch something else, it was so depressing.

He had the gall to say I ought to watch it - it was important! Cue a flare up from me - ‘You can talk! Why do you take my car every single time you go into town (twice just the other day) when you could so easily get the bus?’ As I nearly always do - only exceptions are the rare occasions now, when I know I’m going to have a lot of heavy shopping.

I have been a passenger in cars where I think the driver is too fast and doesn’t anticipate, relying on reactions, braking too
late.

I’ve also been a passenger in cars where the driver is nervous and hesitant, slows down when there is oncoming traffic, brakes when approaching slip roads, even stops on a roundabout if they think another car is coming on to it?

I’ve also been a driver where my passenger has almost caused accidents by constant jumpiness. I don’t agree that a good driver is always one where the passenger feels safe. Some passengers would need you to drive in the way I’ve outlined above. Their own bad driving, in fact.

Difficult to tell, unless you can actually see the driving, who is the poor driver.

I was told by my driving instructor nearly 60 years ago that a good driver was one whose passengers felt completely safe .

An American truck driver who had won an award for his great driving was asked how he had never had an accident.

"I drive like everyone else on the road is crazy!"

Thanks Withoutroots. Nicely put, "no skin off your back" so why wouldn't you?

DH used to comment on my driving occasionally but since I became qualified in blue light driving and drive an ambulance/response car for work he is noticeably silent on the subject. We share driving on long journeys, and I am confident driving in unfamiliar surroundings, when you've done a few blue light transfers to London relying on sat nav it becomes easier.
I do hate driving DH's car, it is a very old and clunky Volvo estate, and I prefer my nippy, responsive fiesta. We normally take mine on long journeys as it's cheaper with good fuel consumption.

DH loved driving and I preferred to be a passenger but we shared the driving and drove all over Europe on our camping holidays with tent and children. I was the better driver!! he forgot to change gear
I was a backseat driver. He was the map reader so I had to drive when the going got tricky
I have driven around Paris, Rome and London long before GPS.
Now on my own, with cataracts forming I don't drive nearly so much and lent my car to my DS for 2 months recently and didn't miss it.
I can't believe cars are still the male perogative, and wince when I remember the words of a woman who had accepted a lift saying " does your husband let you drive the car?" This was 40 years ago.

When I’m driving, DH is fine until we enter a car park. He seems to be suddenly convinced I have turned temporarily blind and starts saying things like “there’s one over there on the left”, or “He’s just coming out of that space on the right” or “There are quite a few down there”. Even “You could pull over into this one” (pointing!) OR that one there” (pointing again!). It’s most distracting. I swear he will cause me to have an accident one day! I know he’s only trying to be helpful, and I’ve told him to leave me to choose my own parking space, but he seems unable to stop!

nadateturbe

I started a similar thread some time ago about how I'm a nervous passenger and my OH won't take this into consideration. I didn't get much sympathy.
In my opinion even if the driver is skilful, they need to consider what the other person needs, within reason of course. It's what you do if you care about someone.
My OH didn't like me driving in the outside lane of the dual carriageway, so I don't. But he does.
I do most of the driving now. I've no intention of letting him drive me if he isn't going to be considerate.
When we do the long journey to the caravan we drive in separate cars.

I suppose the answer to your question is a definite yes!

I very much agree with you here nadateturbe. In those situations, when doing so results in no skin off your back, the desires of your other half should be taken into account and accommodated. It's the little things that matter in a big way, like your remembering that your partner is uncomfortable with you driving in the outside lane. I wish more people realized this.

I rarely drive when my husband is in the car with me. I don’t like the white knuckles and intakes of breath! Seriously though, he likes driving, I don’t and only use it as a means to an end. I have my own little Corolla which I like to drive, can’t stand his big thing which is hard to park anyway. We never argue about it, he knows I don’t like driving and that’s that.

I passed my driving test first time when I was just 17 and I have had access to a car since then, so I've had a licence for 50 years. I bought my first car with my own money and have had a car for decades.

The only thing my partner and I have seriously argued about was when we were discussing arrangements for when I go to live with him and he suggested we just have one car. No way! Having my own car is an important form of independence to me. I've been saving for two years for a new one and I intend to save for another two years to replace my current car when it conks out, so I'm not asking for a hand out.

I didn't take my test until in my late 30's, and as a result I have never been a confident driver, not improved by my DH's suggestions/comments on my driving when he is a passenger! Since moving a year ago, I have been glad to give up driving apart from local journeys, and I am quite frankly terrified of having to drive into our nearest big town with its multitude of roundabouts, lanes and unfamiliar lay-out. This makes me dependent on my "chauffeur" and vulnerable to life changes in the future (I'm 74 now), but I don't know how to overcome my real anxiety about driving on these busy roads.

How about getting your husband to take an advanced driving course, offered by IAM or RoSPA. These courses encourage safer driving and are taken by all sorts of people, from airline pilots and military men who want to be 'the best drivers they can be' to young women travelling for work and grandmothers wanting to drive their families safely. Excellent courses that help people change their driving habits for the better.

Ohhhhh drives me mad ( oooops, excuse the pun) my husband is a HGV mechanic and is finely tuned to a vehicles noise/movement/blah, blah. He will divert the route to avoid potholes etc ( annoys me )

So picture the scene, I'm driving, Mr S is sat in passenger seat, off we go, small talk taking place, then suddenly MIND THAT POTHOLE I swiftly check my mirror for any vehicle behind me and oooooòps TOOO LATE .... ive driven over the pothole.

Soooooo considering that scenario has taken place 1 too many times, when Mr S is in the car I now resemble someone who has guzzled a BARREL if beer and 20,00000 times over alcohol limit ( the breathalyser would blow up hahahaha ) the car is steered allllllll over the damn road with all intents and purposes of avoiding potholes, he is thrown left and right in the passenger seat and once the car is stationary, he exits the car rather unsteadily....

Well !!!!! He did say MIND THE POTHOLE/S