Narcissism

Hi Minxie

Narcissism is challenging to diagnose. Psychologists must consider several factors before deciding if a person is a narcissist—their history, including childhood and adolescence, for example.

Even then, to be on the safe side, they might prefer to diagnose the person with a borderline personality disorder to make a diagnosis and give them more leeway in the future. Doing this places them within cluster B personality disorders.

A personality disorder is a long-established pattern of behavior with specific characteristics. Plus, to make it a bit more complicated, there are subcategories. Covert, communal, etc.,

There is a real danger in diagnosing people with a personality disorder because narcissism is a real buzzword. Personality disorders are just that; disorders within the personality and behavior. They are not mental illnesses. Some people can have a mental illness that mimics narcissism, for example. So it would be sad to misdiagnose someone. Even when diagnosed, it is better not to see them as a label but instead deal with the problematic behaviors. (Like any relationship).

Excuse my English - it is American English, not British English.

It doesn’t sound like narcissism but two people not getting on, how can everything be your fault? I would make time to sit and talk to each other, no blame games, you could say you don’t feeling listened to and always end up in the wrong and how that makes you feel.
A Narcissist controls everything, anyone who says that the behaviour of one can be changed isn’t with one. everything is about them. I would read up and see their behaviour patterns. . Do hope you have that talk with your partner and things get sorted.

If you think you are dealing with one, OP, back away as much as you reasonably can, or you will learn the hard way that they cannot change, and nothing you can do will be enough.

Good advice.

I agree, LRavenscroft.

Yes, it is a term that is bandied about a lot, but that doesn't mean it doesn't exist, or that victims of narcissists don't suffer terribly. I know that some say you shouldn't use the word to describe someone who hasn't been diagnosed, but the nature of narcissism is that those who have it don't think they are in the wrong (pretty much ever!) and don't seek help. Even if they did, they don't like what they see as being 'told what to do', so can't easily accept advice. This means that most of them are out there, undiagnosed, and the rest of us have to deal with them one way or another.

Red flags include making everything about them, never accepting responsibility for broken relationships, the love bomb/devalue/discard cycle (as described on other threads), and triangulation (bringing in others to appear to back them up). They often, but not always, also have addictions (drink, drugs, gambling, sex) and feel that nobody understands them, as they are somehow not like other people.

If you think you are dealing with one, OP, back away as much as you reasonably can, or you will learn the hard way that they cannot change, and nothing you can do will be enough.

sodapop

Luckygirl3

This is the latest label that is being used. Please do not try and diagnose someone else with this - it is all the rage and therefore suspect. I have know people use this label about people they do not like with no justification.

Seek help from a counsellor if you have relationship difficulties.

Spot on Luckygirl I have seen this label used so many times recently.

Personally, I would check out from accredited websites the true definition of narcissistic personality disorder. Having had a relative who destroyed 3 generations of people and a co-worker who destroyed a whole office atmosphere, I feel it is important to be armed with the necessary knowledge to recognise the red flags and keep well away or put up the necessary boundaries to protect yourself and those you care about.

Controlling might be part of what you are experiencing minxie. Hard to live with so my sympathies to you.

Thank you all

Luckygirl3

This is the latest label that is being used. Please do not try and diagnose someone else with this - it is all the rage and therefore suspect. I have know people use this label about people they do not like with no justification.

Seek help from a counsellor if you have relationship difficulties.

Quite. I think it's a popular and oft misused term.

Help from a counsellor might be better than internet strangers.

Do not fall into the trap of taking the blame for every row minxie. I used to do this. Some people are not very good at seeing the other persons viewpoint.
I think you should talk to a counsellor.

Luckygirl3

This is the latest label that is being used. Please do not try and diagnose someone else with this - it is all the rage and therefore suspect. I have know people use this label about people they do not like with no justification.

Seek help from a counsellor if you have relationship difficulties.

Spot on Luckygirl I have seen this label used so many times recently.

Narcissism is a personality disorder that is believed to be caused by poor parenting that 're-wires' the brain at a very young age. It is often used to describe people who are 'full of themselves' or see themselves as at the centre of everything, but there is a lot more to it than that.

There are a few recent threads in the relationship forum that discuss it and go into some detail about how it manifests. You could have a look for those?

Hello minxie a Narcissist is someone who has a sense of entitlement, lacks empathy, needs to be admired and has an inflated sense of their own importance. Unless the other person demonstrates these traits then it is as Lathyrus says just 2 people not listening to each other and not prepared to compromise.

That isn’t

That sent narcissism.

That’s two people, neither not listening to what the other is saying.

And neither prepared to compromise or change.

Every time there is a disagreement, and lots of analysis from the other person. It boils down to always being my fault, that someone got really angry and thats why the disagreement took place. I end up believing that as well.

This is the latest label that is being used. Please do not try and diagnose someone else with this - it is all the rage and therefore suspect. I have know people use this label about people they do not like with no justification.

Seek help from a counsellor if you have relationship difficulties.

What makes you think you might be, minxie? There are so many possible red flags that it would make more sense to answer a particular question.