My daughter blames me.

Goodness me! What makes her think it is reasonable to land herself on you with two cats and a puppy!!! ???? Just say NO, to get a dog when the tenancy agreement says no , is indicative of her sense of entitlement!!

I always think of it this way: I have a son who is a little similar. Every time we save them from their actions, we cut off their opportunity to become adults.

There is a bit more to this, though, if you consider she actually phoned people to slander you. I'd get professional help. She sounds somewhat dangerous, and I'd personally never invite her to stay in my home, not even for one night.

I hope you can manage to stay firm about your daughter staying with you. To give in now would ensure that every time she wanted something which you didn't want to give would just make her act unkindly to get it.
Whilst you can't give your daughter a home, you can signpost her in the right direction. Shelter and the Citizens Advice can give advice and the local Housing Authority can help her find a property to rent. The Landlord could only give her a s21 notice at certain points with her lease so it might well be that the puppy is a red herring!
As to your newly found family, just concentrate on building a relationship with them and avoid discussing your daughter's woes. I found that trying to build relationships with long lost family plus trying to keep my relationship with my daughter together, took quite an emotional toll and I would encourage to you to find someone to talk through your feelings with. All sorts of things came up for me like resentment that I had lost a lifetime of memories with my half brother and sister which I found so hard. It just helped talked with somebody who wasn't emotionally involved.

she can take them to a shelter for re-homing.
it's not your problem anyway. don't get involved.

Oh yes my other children are 100% in support of me and will support me.
The two eldest she won’t contact because they would put her in her place , youngest will talk to her a but still a bit cautious.
She actually said to him today has mum stopped throwing a wobbly now and calmed down. They think they have found a place but apparently it won’t accept cats but will accept the dog. Yea weird how they accept one but not the other, so she is wanting me now to unblock her and so she can chat to me, we know what its going to be about and that is us having her cats which I am not doing.
I am not unblocking her either.

I hope that you keep your resolve Sammy it sounds like your DD is trying too hard to get her own way this time . Everyone, even her own mother, has their limits
I can't imagine anything much worse than sharing with an ungrateful bitch adultchild her DH, 2 cats and a large dog and a fish.
Maybe you could offer to keep the animals at least they wouldn't be unkind
How mean of her to try to spoil your relationship with your newly found family.
Does she have a personality disorder?

As others have said, it may not be too late to go to her landlord, apologise, send the animals away and retain the lease. She could try.

Well done, sammy15, hard times ahead, but you will come through. Will your other children be able to support you emotionally on this journey? It could be that they will be happy to see you finally prepared to put your foot down with your errant daughter.

Thank you for all your replies it certainly does give me the extra strength to not go back on my word.
As one person said she has probably done this before and they are correct.
She would move out when she had met a new guy and when it broke down she would come running back home this happened more then once.
She has always had a nasty selfish side to her.

Growing up my mother cared more for my brother then she did for me I believe she felt this way because she hated my birthfather who left my mother when I was 9 months old and she then married my stepdad who officially adopted me I was 7 years old after they had a son.
My father could not be found at the time of adoption ( but that is another story) my grandmother and auntie on my mother’s side said to me they could always see she ( my mother) treated me differently to my half brother so I vowed never ever to be like that with my own children and my daughter hasn’t known this as i have always mentioned it.
So i feel she had used my upbringing and hurt i suffered and the vow i made and used it against me.
I have not spoken to my mother nearly two years now but guess who is the only one who does yes my daughter.
I know she has said thinks about me behind my back.
My mother cut my other 3 children out of her life because they didn’t see her often but they have busy lives and my mother never ever made any effort with them , she only meet her great granddaughter 3/4 times in 6 years and she lives 10 mins away from her.

So yea I am going to be strong I am prepared for times when I will miss her and think i should make a effort but no definitely not she has gone to far this time.

Gracious, I wonder what your daughter thought she would achieve by going to your new relatives and saying such unkind (and untrue) things!

It's pure manipulation. If your daughter contacts you again please ask her what her motive was in trying to break that relationship. Don't get angry, or upset - well, try not to - Did your daughter think you'd say "Oh, well, perhaps I'd better let you stay" after doing such an unkind thing.

It is, again, manipulation from her. As others have said, she'd made plans and you aren't dancing to her tune. You have a perfect right to say "that doesn't work for me/us". Terribly rude of your daughter to blow up. She's probably scared and anxious, but it's absolutely not fair to take it out on you.

Please heed all the advice Sammy. My sister did just this and it is still ongoing after seven years. she is extremely depressed and unhappy. It is just not worth it. Adult children need to manage their own lives, as we won't be around forever to pick up the pieces.

A section 21 eviction notice is a 'no fault' eviction so being in receipt of one is not regarded as making oneself homeless.

You are doing absolutely the right thing, and it would be illegal for your daughter and husband to use your loft room as a bedroom, never mind accommodating the pets.
Nearby neighbours are struggling with the return of their 35 year old daughter, plus large dog and a horse, (which is housed at very expensive livery stables nearby) and a horsebox, following a relationship breakup. The daughter works two and a half days a week, to pay the horse's living expenses, (nothing for the parents) and the rest of the week is devoted to schooling the horse. This family now have five cars, plus horsebox, as the adult son also lives at home, and daughter's car is almost permanently parked outside my house.
I don't know how these parents, a very pleasant couple, can be so foolish, particularly when I hear the daughter yelling at her father because he hasn't cleaned the horsebox to her exacting standards.
Don't accept any guilt for your daughter's mistakes.

Totally agree with the other posters Sammy, and am sorry that your daughter is behaving so badly. Please stay strong. I fear that if you allowed her to stay ( rent free presumably?) she would be very comfortable, and feel no need to move on - except, maybe, to the rest of the house...

There are disability benefits that do not get means-tested, so your OH's pension would not stop you or him getting it. Look at Attendance Allowance individually (PIP if either of you is below pension age).

As for your DD - she is 31 and an adult, so she must sort her life out herself. She has already bled your savings dry.

There is no way I would allow one of my DDs to stroll in with 2 cats and a puppy, especially without having the courtesy to ask you first! Stay strong - this is her moment to grow up.

You are absolutely doing the right thing. A woman in her 30s should be independent of her parents except in an emergency.

This isn't an emergency, the problems your daughter faces are self inflicted, and arise from selfishness and a belief that whatever she does someone will pick up the pieces, the tab or whatever and sort it out.

People like this tend to turn nasty when they are finally told to stand on their own two feet and you have my every sympathy. But you are doing the right thing and I doubt anyone on GN will say anything else.

The Section 21 is only the first stage in eviction. She may be able to keep that roof over her head if she gets rid of the pets and shows remorse to the landlord. She needs to be polite and apologetic, but she doesn't sound like that kind of person. If she stays aggressive and wilful then the landlord will not agree to her staying. Just make it clear to her this situation is in her hands, and if she does the right thing then she won't lose her home.

You are doing the right thing, stay strong and don’t give in. He has a family let them help

You are doing the right thing Sammy. It's hard to watch our adult kids make mistakes but they need to learn from them. They could get housing assoc property if they did not make themselves homeless. Not sure if getting a dog makes them intentionally homeless. Be resolute and as you have enough to cope with in your own life. Be firm.

You have done the right thing, even if you could have helped her you can’t manage with a partner and all the animals and shouldn’t have to She is only thinking of herself and is emotionally blackmailing you I think she has done it before and you ve caved in and done what she wanted but this is a step to far
Stick to your guns sometimes we can be too soft and it will not help her to help herself
It’s a real shame she has spoilt your new relationships I would keep any future information close to your chest and not talk to her about anything personal
I hope you can rekindle these new found relationships

she has a husband; let him badger his family to sponge off them.
you just have to go low contact, which it sounds as if you are already doing. keep it up.
do not be drawn into any discussions.
do not justify, excuse or explain.
just say no. and keep saying it.
good luck.

I'm sorry she is being so cruel to you

It's emotional blackmail Sammy15 so don't give in. You have helped them as much as you can and she must now stand on her own two feet. I always believe in the adage " decisions and consequences". She made the decision to get a dog, now she is reaping the consequences. If you let them move in your home won't be your own, when it doesn't work out how will you get them to leave? You can't issue a section 21!! Be strong.

Before I had any children a lady I worked with once said:

"When they're little they break your arms.
When they're bigger they break your heart."

At the time I thought how silly, but time often proves she was right.

You have made the right decision sammy15, don't weaken.

Stay strong Sammy. You are doing the right thing. Parenting is hard with young children but can be tougher when they are grown up. you may well have a rough time for a number of months but hopefully it will resolve and your DD will learn when you say no you mean it.

Good for you sammy.