Asking girls if they have a boyfriend

My reply would be along the lines of I have no idea if she has a partner or not she doesn't tell me much and thank goodness she doesnt. I might hear something I can't unhear! So what are your kids up to?

Crude attempts at small talk?

What has it got to do with them?
Just say NO IDEA and move on.

To think they are still doing it!

It was the bane of my teenage years, as no, I rarely had a boyfriend.

And guess what? When in my late twenties I began to despair of finding anyone who would want to marry me and have children, did any of those busybodies volunteer to introduce me to nice young men?

No, they did not!

I am willing to bet that if, OP, you hadn't given your friend an answer that politely told her to mind her own business, when the day comes that your daughter has a boyfriend, that good woman would be all over it with impertinent questions like, " are they getting married" or "is there a baby on the way".

I was constantly asked about boyfriends by friends of my Mums and elderly relations. Usually I just didn't answer. One particular aunt said one day 'Well you'd better get a move on or you'll be left on the shelf.' The next time she asked I said 'It's really none of your business is it?' It stopped her in her tracks but I got into trouble with my Mum for being so rude to her.

I have a lifelong friend whose eldest son was still living at home in his 30s. He's a lovely chap but was a bit shy and introvert and had only had two girlfriends, briefly. My friend was always being asked 'He's not still at home is he?' 'Doesn't he like girls?' 'Does he bat for the other side?' Eventually Cupid's arrow struck and he met that special person. He is now married with 2 children and they hope to have more. He's as happy as Larry and more confident and outgoing. Now my friend is asked 'They're still together then, not divorced yet?'

We never asked our children about their relationships, if they wanted us to know they'd tell us. Neither do we ask our grandchildren.

I’m 64, divorced 24 years, never met anyone special.
A friend I see maybe twice a year always asks if I’ve met anyone yet. Then looks at me full of pity!
I’m so happy with my life but I can’t say that to her as she will translate it as ‘protesting too much’!!!

I like to believe the best of people. So I’d laugh it off. And say “God knows! I certainly don’t!” Don’t take offence where none is intended.

I detest that sort of pesonal question. Sitting with my parents in a restaurant (I had been married for about two years) a person they knew slightly came over to the table, looked me up and down and said loudly 'and when are you going to make your Mother a Granny?' For once I had the answer, and replied 'Unfortunately, I cannot have children'. Why do people make these remarks when it is absolutely none of their business? Several years later I saw her again, when I had a toddler and a baby in in a pram, but she scuttled past pretending not to see me. I suppose had she enquired I could have said loudly that I had just abducted them - what a missed opportunity!

My mother in law used to ask my daughter a lot and DD hated it as she knew she was only interested in whether she would get any great grandchildren. Now my son has given her one, and another on the way, she seems to be leaving DD alone!

I don't mind friends taking an interest but I'd be fed up if they asked too frequently. Most of the enquiries about DD these days are about her recovery from a very bad ankle break in May when she had to be airlifted off a mountain! When friends enquire about her recovery it seems they actually care.

Mouse

I remember being asked when I was going to start a family. But an even more vivid memory is of being asked if my third pregnancy was a mistake! I already had a boy and a girl so the assumption was my family was complete.

Think this is not unusual - I was asked this, then groaned at 3rd daughter, when we were delighted! People who scarcely know you are too forward - neighbour asked did I not know what was causing it, butcher asked me was I a Catholic.
Best ignored.
A friend nearby had a fourth lusty son but couldn’t really conceal her disappointment. Her neighbour announced ‘now you have 4 strong sons to carry your coffin’ - Nothing like putting a positive spin on childbirth.

In the year before 6th form I worked in a store and constantly asked Are you courting? as their daughters were, at 16/17, wed at 18, different times.

I went for a job interview at a bank as a newly married woman and things were going very well, at the end of the interview the manager asked if and when I was going to start a family. I lied and said not in the foreseeable future because I knew if I had told the truth I’d never have got the job. Can you imagine being asked that now.

Someone I vaguely knew on seeing me out with DS1 and newborn DS2 asked if I was going to try for a girl!

I remember being asked when I was going to start a family. But an even more vivid memory is of being asked if my third pregnancy was a mistake! I already had a boy and a girl so the assumption was my family was complete.

Happy catholicwife1 did make me laugh though, I thought
those Americans are very strange - y'all I mean

Totally agree CountryMouse22. To me its the implying and “insinuation” in the question that is so disrespectful. I used to get this all the time from a young work colleague who had attended school with my youngest son. I used to make light of it but wondered what exactly she was implying. ( And yes. I should have asked her outright ) Querying his sexuality maybe? Who cares? As long as he’s happy so are we.

Peaseblossom

*happycatholicwife1*. Are you on the right thread?!

I was wondering that too! Perhaps happycatholicwife1 could come back and enlighten us.

happycatholicwife1. Are you on the right thread?!

I remember being asked this quite often as a young teenager in the 70’s by all kinds of people. It made me cringe & feel that maybe I was doing something wrong & that perhaps I should have a steady boyfriend. At nearly 18 I met, fell in love with & married my lovely late DH and we were married over 40years. Funny how once you are in a relationship no one ever seems to ask the question. I think they were just plain nosey or couldn’t think of anything else to ask you, it made absolutely no difference to them whether I had a boyfriend or not.
Strangely enough nearly 50 years on I have been asked the same question about my teenage GC, nothing like as often so I suppose that’s an improvement. I just reply with ‘I have no idea’ which I genuinely don’t and won’t be asking them that question.

It's implying that a person has no value unless they have a boyfriend or girlfriend. Horrible. I had this a lot as a teen - I was a late starter!

We used to get asked when we were having children all the time when I was first married at the age of 19. I used to tell them we weren’t having any. Then when we did have 4 we would never tell anyone I was pregnant until I was about 5 months gone and showing. None of their business. My grandchildren ring me up and tell me when they are about 3 weeks pregnant now. How times change.

When my oldest child was one my we moved into a new house. A neighbour came to “welcome” us. She asked how many children we were planning to have “because Irish people always have large families.” My DH had an Irish surname. Later on we did have another child but not without some problems.

Around where we live some people will ask if he or she is seeing someone at the mo, I tell them to say yeah loads they when I look out of the window! Pigs and cows too

I have a beautiful 21 year old granddaughter who is doing interesting travel and exciting jobs. I don't know if she has a boyfriend although she has friends of both sexes. She'll tell me if she meets the right person but he/she will have to be very special indeed to be a match for her.

I would answer I haven't asked, that's her/his business. Usually shuts them up.

DD decided when she was 4 that she did not want to be a mummy when she grew up, and around 20 when she decided she was too uncompromising to ever make a relationship work. I completely agree with her!

No member of our family or broader friendship group has ever queried or doubted her decision or thought she would change her mind.. She is now nearly 50, happily single, with her own home and a good job.