Asking girls if they have a boyfriend

I’ve never understood the ‘small talk’ excuse. Seems to me a simple, “How’s your son/daughter doing? Still enjoying (studying/working/hobby)?” would work perfectly fine for small talk.

It's intrusive and no one else's business.

AmberSpyglass

In this day and age, are adults really assuming the younger people in their lives are straight?!

Not necessarily (although some will, I suppose). A lot of it will be based on previous partners, which obviously doesn’t necessarily predict the future, but it would be even more intrusive to start asking for details of sexuality as well as partner status

Any personal questions about my children or anything else that I thought was non of their business, the answer the same , I don't know, sure she/he will let me know when they want to. Failing that if they ask every time we meet, don't know none of my business. If they take offence so be it.

In this day and age, are adults really assuming the younger people in their lives are straight?!

I got annoyed with my mum recently. She regularly asks if my youngest daughter has a boyfriend and whether my eldest daughter and her partner are getting married. This time though, when she asked about my youngest, and I said, as I always do, that I don't know, she said 'she's so lovely, I'm surprised she hasn't been snapped up!'. The idea that she was passively sitting on a shelf waiting for someone to choose her, I found infuriating.

Agree absolutely :-)

Mouse

I remember being asked when I was going to start a family. But an even more vivid memory is of being asked if my third pregnancy was a mistake! I already had a boy and a girl so the assumption was my family was complete.

When my younger son was about five he made a comment saying, "Of course I was a mistake."
On careful questioning it turned out his older sister had informed him, years before, that as we already had her and our older son, of course he wouldn't have been planned.

I was so upset thinking this small boy had been growing up in our family thinking he wasn't really wanted ☹️
Comments on here have me wondering if my daughter had overheard some busybody voicing their opinion...

feet under the table is a well known phrase,
but usually not in a complimentary way,
suggesting intrusion.

I was often subjected to this kind of questions when I was young. It seemed that being married was more important to many than the fact I was at university training to be a doctor.
However, the biggest crass comment I ever heard was from my great aunt ( single lady ) on my sister's wedding day.
It was at the beginning of the Falklands campaign in 1982
My sister had just got married but already had a 10m old son. Iha been married the previous year and was pregnant with my first baby. There were several young men at the small reception including our husband's, brothers and cousins.
My aunt gazed round the small room at us all and said , quite deliberately, in a loud voice that if the conflict got worse there were plenty of strong young men here who could go and fight.
Aghast looks all round and floods of tears from myself and my sister!!
She never was very diplomatic!

Our community was so small they always knew. I remember pushing a new boyfriend into bushes so my mother would not see him and she came out of the house and told him he could come out as his aunt had just told her on the phone.
When I'd been going out with DH for quite a few months and keeping as I thought it all secret.
My gran announced that as they knew all about him, his father had been at school with mine, His gran had taught some of my gran's much younger sisters. So he had better come for New Year's Eve supper and "Get his feet under the table".
My own DDs took offence and answered "Before you ask he's not a German, Jew or Jap", So much prejudice that thankfully died out.'
Has anyone else heard the term "Feet under the table?"

Well it is very rude !! We have 5 children between us, all adults 3 girls, 2 boys, however our two younger daughters are gay and have been asked a number of times if they have boyfriends !!

Agree totally, Saggi. My daughter always said she was too uncompromising to ever live with anyone and that she didn't want children, and like your son has lived alone quite happily since she was in her mid-20s. She will be 50 next year.

She has a good job, a nice house, plenty of friends and dotes on her niece and nephew and we see and hear from her regularily. We accept her as she is and so should everyone else.

Jimmy Saville used to ask children this. Enough said. Pervy.

My son is 42 and since he’s been 16 or so relatives have asked first him, and since he left home , me, this impertinent question.
He would just say no …not interested! This stunned them usually! But he lives quite happily alone …has plenty of freinds Is a handy babysitter to many of them …and generally gets on with his life. I or his dad have never asked him about his sexuality as we consider it’s none of our business. He did once live with a very nice girl who already had a little boy of three ( he knew her from school)….but she eventually went back to her partner. He’s lived alone ever since.My son is not a mummies boy…or incapable as a human being because he chooses to be alone. He’s had his own place since he was 19/20. I invite him for Sunday lunch about once every three weeks and he does little jobs , or heavy lifting for me and , we get on fine… he doesn’t bring his ironing ,..he’s a smashing cook… keeps his place reasonable and always worked!
Now his dad has finially gone into full time residential care ( Alzheimer’s) after me beginning to have failing health, and being unable now to lift him and cope with his falls and aggression, he visits him twice a week … he’s always been a lovely young man , who sees his older sister and her kids regularly, and has matured into a thoughtful man on brink of middle age. He’s never ill…takes care of himself and bothers nobody. He just wants to be left to decide his life in his way not forgetting responsibilities to his close family. So what right have people to ask him impertinent questions or to try and wheedle answers from him that he doesn’t want to give. I would personally slap them .

My cousin’s son, well into his 30’s and as far as I know has never had a GF, was asked if he had one by someone.

“Not at the moment” he replied, which I thought was a good answer,

That stuff never bothered me. There seems to be an unending list of things on GN sometimes that upset people. I'm upset when I have to have surgery. That's the kind of thing that bothers me.

Scottish Gov has recently issued Local Authorities with questionnaires for secondaty school pupils to assess their sexual habits. The sample of questions I read in the media was shocking eg what age first engage in sex; how often do they have sex, what kind of sex, what protection if any. I was astounded that schoolchildren were to be being asked all this. Some LAs are refusing to adhere to the request. What the government is doing with any info they collect goodness knows

Some people don't know what to talk about and they live their lives through others. It's sad, and no big deal unless aimed at an insecure teenager. I was one such, and I truly HATED being asked about boyfriends because boys didn't like me as I was a 'swot'. If anyone asked about my sons I just said 'He's fighting them off' - because all my boys are good looking and also truly nice men, in my humble opinion! People can be very insensitive, sadly.

I think it’s more people trying to show an interest in your life and that includes your children. Being in a relationship is not necessary but we all know if you get the right partner it can be great and supportive and as a parent reassuring that there is someone else who loves your child. That’s what I feel your friends are thinking plus in a conversation sometimes one runs out of things to say.

I remember being asked if I had a bf when I was young and it made me feel very embarrassed, especially if I did not have one at the time! I don't think people generally mean any harm by asking the question but personally I wouldn't ask it remembering how I felt when I was a teenager.

Not too long ago, an older lady asked me if my oldest daughter was married yet. No. Does she have a boyfriend? No, but she's just qualified as an accountant and saving for her own house. She promptly turned away to talk to someone else. Short conversation. I think she hoped to convey a sense of disappointment and failure from the way she looked. It seems to some people, especially religious ones, that a woman is somehow incomplete on her own. My own very elderly mother has learnt from her own blunders not to ask when a young couple are going to have a baby, having come to realise that not everyone can or wants to.

At a wedding, nosy relatives were asking me how much I earned
My reply was - how much do you make, may I ask why you inquire?

I was told by my narc mother I was very rude and I should apologize to my uncle- he was in his 50s, me in my 30s

I told her to mind her own business too

Some people like to be nosy w/o suffering the same treatment
They are offended by their breach of privacy but not by infringing others

I had a Great Aunt who always asked "How's the boyfriend" I hated that until my Granpa told me to respond "Which one?" She never asked again !

I had relatives who would often ask when are you two having a family? Particularly irksome when we were concidering going down the route of I V F. .Once that was out of the bag they wanted an account of what was happening just as in the same way people pry about health issues and try and impart their so called knowledge. Why do some people do this? Darn rude if you ask me.😡