Son is troubled about partner stopping breast feeding

I gave up breast feeding after three difficult weeks. Dont worry that it will affect them. He was a happy, healthy child. He did well at school and University, is now 50 and has a high powered well paid job. My second son I didnt breast feed at all and he has done equally as well.

The lazy comment was to his mother, he may also be sleep deprived. At least he is talking about it to someone. It takes 500 calories a day to feed a child so mums need to hydrate and eat well. Having a new baby is a steep learning curve, I hope this couple can navigate this together.

What exactly is your son so distressed about?! Yes we’re told breast is best, but how many of us are walking around quite happy and healthy in our 60s and 70s who were fed formula? Can’t believe you haven’t pulled him up on calling her lazy! She’s exhausted, her hormones are all over the place and half of the nourishment that she would be getting from her food is going to her baby, if she’s still breastfeeding. He should be supporting and helping her rather than bitching about her to his mother. Thank goodness she’s got her own parents there for support .

It’s ok! Some more opinionated members of Gransnet have seen the OP off! She did say her son had recently been diagnosed with ADHD so it’s possible he’s become too focussed on the official “breast is best” official line.

My youngest works in this field and it’s not uncommon to become very invested in certain events.

I can understand your son feeling upset that his prtner does not wish to breast feed any more, but referring to his wife as "lazy" is very harsh. Perhaps he does not appreciate how physically and mentally tired his wife may be. Breast feeding can work out very well for some but can be a nightmare for others. I had difficulty breast feeding my first child and gave up after about 3 months - and that was not because it was painful (which it can be) but because it just didn't work out. With my second child it was very easy, perhaps because with a second child I felt more relaxed.

I would imagine living in her parents' home, with the inevitable lack of control and privacy, could make it rather more stressful, and a stressed mum is likely to find breast feeding more challenging.

At the end of the day, it is her decision. Lots of children are formula fed and still thrive.

I am sorry you feel upset by some of the comments on here but I think the vast majority of posters have tried to be helpful and supportive.

Being worried about the cost of formula does not justify calling the mother lazy

I wonder how much he is supporting her so she could continue if she wanted too

It is mums choice and op has tried to navigate the situation gently. There is support available for breastfeeding parents. Breast feeding network and home start are both free and none judgmental. The government is trying to get women to feed past 6 weeks as in this country rates drop off by then. The dad may also be struggling with the situation, he may be feeling generational pressure from her parents. I hope the can both get support as mum may still choose to mix feed and support is out there . He may also be worried about the cost as it’s £12.99 a tin .

Thespigran most people don’t read any subsequent posts it’s very irritating isn’t it ? but you don’t need to leave there’s been good advice as well as some harsh stuff take what you need and throw the rest out with the washing up water

It’s 100% up to a mother how she feeds her baby. It’s nice that your son can discuss this with but you just need to reassure him that bottle fed babies thrive just as well!!
Grandparents have to tread carefully

Back in the ‘70’s in the days when “women could have everything” and when I had my children, the pressure was NOT to breastfeed, You gave birth, were taken back to bed and told you were not to get out of it for two days! They cleaned you up and the baby arrived with a nurse and a tiny bottle of milk. This was the Whittington Hospital in Highgate, London. The ward had 16 mothers in it, the only one who breastfed was an American who insisted on it. Everyone, including the nurses thought she was mad. My baby was a forceps delivery so I had to stay in for 10 days., rather than the usual 7. When I left I was presented with a “Bounty Box” and four of the tiny bottles of milk to take home. At a checkup with my own GP he told me not to use formula milk saying it was only introduced in the war because milk production couldn’t be guaranteed. He told me to feed the baby on silver top milk, two parts milk and one part boiled water with a teaspoon of sugar. He was adamant the milk shouldn’t be My second child, five years later, but in Chase Farm Hospital, Enfield, was exactly the same, only this time I was sent home after only two days. None of my friends breastfed either. Both have grown up disgustingly healthy and are 53 and 48 respectively. I can’t see the problem.

ThespiGran - I'm not surprised that you felt criticised - I've just read this thread and it seems most didn't read your post which ended with your own recognition that it's your son's partner's body - an implicitly, it's her choice. People read what they want into posts, depending upon the axe they may have to grind. I'm sure now you'll be talking with your son and bringing the woman's perspective. Good luck.

Her baby, her body, her choice! No one else can dictate how you should feed your baby. Better to keep out of it!

Your son describing the mother of his child as lazy because she has stopped breastfeeding is disgusting. Tell him to not to be a t*at!

Please do not question the dil how she chooses to feed her child

What an invasion of privacy!

I wouldn't say anything. Her body, her choice, and the why is none of our business (as a grandmother I mean). If perhaps the moment comes they're visiting together and the subject of breastfeeding comes up, I would still not push it but maybe carefully ask DIL if she felt comfortable breastfeeding. Then take it from there. Maybe she'll open up to you if she feels she can trust you not to judge her harshly. Just don't take sides.

DiL can express her milk and your DS can then feed the baby doing his bit of helping out the lazy mother. Wonder how long he'll last with the task.

It must be entirely the choice of the mother - it isn't easy for everyone and one month will have given the baby a good start. I never managed it - no help at all with first; subject not even mentioned in hospital, second arrived as first was going to school and the schedule meant I was running about all day and didn't seem to produce enough. Second baby was content when put on to bottle feeding - she never had been with my efforts.

I'd be reading the riot act to the DS he doesn't sound like a supportive partner

So much caring and thoughtful advice given above but basically it should be the woman's choice. It didn't used to be so.
My son was born in hospital in Salford in 1966. We were not encouraged to breastfeed even though I longed to. The babies were taken from us in the evening and put in a collective nursery where we could hear them crying but we had been ordered to fill them up with formula prior to this as they would then be able to go through the night alone. Both my husband and my mother went along with this barbaric treatment. My second child was born at home 13 months later and the doctor who came to stitch me appeared with tablets to dry up my milk. My 3rd child was born, also at home, 16 years later and I breast fed her for far too long and it was bliss. Oddly enough she is the adult most filled with 'the milk of human kindness'!

They all go to school, grow up etc whether they are breast fed or not, it’s all good!
I’m more concerned about him calling the mother lazy, that’s so awful. it’s a miracle if you manage to get dressed when baby is so tiny and demanding.
More help from him please, and more love and care for his wife.

Did your young relation tell you why she will stop breast feeding?

Sometimes a mother in law can endorse what her daughter in law is doing, and inform her son to that effect. This happened with me and my own mother in law.

Nannan2

Yammy- 'deformed breasts'? Was curious what this meant? Does it mean 'inverted nipples' by any chance? I have those and when i was a young teenage bride & mum to be it got put on my notes by a formidable hospital clinic midwife (with an exclamation mark & note "to bottlefeed") so no one ever even bothered-and i never questioned it. by next child 4yrs later i explained about last time and a lovely midwife asked "but did you want to?" And so then i was given lots of extra help and managed to breastfeed 6 months- next 2 children bf for almost a year.So i dont think of inverted nipples as a problem to at least trying to breast feed.It can be more tricky but with patience & techniques & support it is possible.But if for any reason a mum cant or doesnt want to then quite frankly its their choice no one elses.😐

Yes my MIL did have inverted nipples but would never admit it, she had to be perfect.
It all came clear one cold summer day when my nipples were showing how cold I was and I put a cardigan on.DH's gran piped up our H.... doesn't have that problem she'd deformed you know pointing to her daughter's nipples she told everyone at the table they wouldn't go erect.
You can imagine the splutters and sniggers, and I realised her actions to me . I could do something she couldn't,...breast feed.
Though when I was having DD in a maternity hospital in N/C we were asked who wanted to breastfeed and examined by a nurse and those with inverted nipples were given a plastic contraption to draw them out. So if you really want to with help and support you can as you say.
Some women don't want to they see it as part of their sexual allure to their partners and not about feeding the baby. Their choice.

He says she’s lazy? I’d be thinking more about tackling the vile rhetoric from your son. She’s literally just given birth and it’s really no one’s business but hers.

Obviously your son shouldn’t be talking to you about this. It’s between him and his partner. I’d have been devastated had my husband spoken about me to his mother without me knowing!

Exactly her body her baby … least she did a month
Mine all did well on formula are Grandparents themselves now
Never interfere or comment unless asked ….