Son is troubled about partner stopping breast feeding

As I see it, it is entirely up to the mother if she chooses to breastfeed or not. Why is your son 'distressed"? I ask because I've never met a man who has become 'distressed' that his baby is not being breast fed. That seems highly unusual to me as generally it's women who would go through such emotions. Men, in my experience, are generally not too bothered about such things.....unless of course, the distress possibly comes from the idea that the man might have to be involved in part of the feeding process, especially at night.

It worries me that your son calls his wife lazy and tired. Perhaps a few nights of bottle feeding himself might create a little more understanding? Or perhaps his wife IS lazy, I don't know; I have no idea but I can definitely understand that she might be feeling very tired.

I don't know; perhaps I'm being cynical. It just doesn't sound like the most loving, caring, happy situation to me, which is a shame for them all.

I tried so hard to breast feed my first boy , it was a nightmare and I have awful memories of mastitis, so I introduced bottle feeding and never looked back . My son is now 6 ft 2 and 34 !
My health visitor was lovely and said ‘ if you look in the playground at all the children, can you tell which are bottle and which are breast fed !
I tried again with my second boy and managed for 4 weeks. ,
Whatever makes the mum happy over the first , really difficult weeks of motherhood, then that is what mum should do . It is nothing to do with anyone else.
When my DIL said she was not going to breastfeed, I supported her , and wouldn’t have ever tried to persuade her otherwise.

No one's business but the mother's , I'd rather have a happy mum and baby than a potentially stressed one, why are you even allowing your son to call her lazy she's a new mum with a 4week old I'll bet she's exhausted , tell him to stay home and do all the feeds day and night see if that suits , support the girl don't judge her

This is absolutely her choice. Her body so she knows herself best and she is certainly not lazy.

Simple. Stay out of it.

Yammy- 'deformed breasts'? Was curious what this meant? Does it mean 'inverted nipples' by any chance? I have those and when i was a young teenage bride & mum to be it got put on my notes by a formidable hospital clinic midwife (with an exclamation mark & note "to bottlefeed") so no one ever even bothered-and i never questioned it. by next child 4yrs later i explained about last time and a lovely midwife asked "but did you want to?" And so then i was given lots of extra help and managed to breastfeed 6 months- next 2 children bf for almost a year.So i dont think of inverted nipples as a problem to at least trying to breast feed.It can be more tricky but with patience & techniques & support it is possible.But if for any reason a mum cant or doesnt want to then quite frankly its their choice no one elses.😐

Doula and BF peer supporter here. It’s sad for the son but it’s really mum’s choice 150%. A month of breastmilk is a lot better than none. At least the baby’s microbiome will have had a good start. Of course if there’s a bug going round, the family need to be aware that the formula fed baby isn’t protected by mum’s antibodies so extra caution needed.
If they have another baby I’d recommend a book by Emma Pickett, “You’ve Got It In You” - short and the best guide to starting BF I’ve read lately.
If the grandparents are buying formula, that’s a subtle, or non-so-subtle perhaps, way of persuading her in one direction. Alas, it doesn’t work to add pressure in another direction.
Lots of mums do mixed feeding. Lucy Ruddle’s book “Mixed Up” is a good guide in that respect.

Please don't feel criticised. It's a totally new experience for parents and grandparents. My DiL breast fed until 2 1/2 years, far too long I thought but I managed to say nothing. I have learnt not to say much at all. The other day my son volunteered that his partner can be over anxious and he and she discuss that. I said that's great. My advice is to say nothing unless asked and even then be very careful indeed. Very difficult I find. The main thing is to try to keep good relationships with everyone. Hard I know. When I say the wrong thing I am consumed with guilt and worry for days. Good luck and all the best.

Well he’s a lovely supportive husband calling her lazy isn’t he? ! And tired, as though that’s an insult. Of course she’s tired. I’d give him a flea in his ear and tell him to get some respect.

The first month is the most important to pass on the immunity from mother to baby...if your son's partner now wants to bottle feed to bottlefeed then that's up to her...your son can also get fully involved & do some of the feeds

Say nothing .

In my experience , personal opinions with grown up children doesn't go down well .

In fairness to your daughter in law breastfeeding isn't always great .

My son nearly ripped my nipples off as he was so restless -constantly craning his head to see what was going on when I breast fed him .

The short version- i agree with Oopsadaisy1 - and also if baby is thriving & well, tell him to do more bottle feeds himself, and more around the house to help everyone.And to start supporting his wife not bad-mouthing her..none of us on here as mums ourselves are going to side with your son sorry.🤨

Thank you to the people who were kind.

Right
Thats it goodbye Gransnet.

D-in-L bottle fed both my GDs. Both have dairy intolerance went onto soy formula after a couple of weeks. Eldest, aged 7 still cannot tolerate any dairy. Neither can youngest aged 18 months either.

I'm getting an uncomfortable feeling here that mother and son are conspiring behind the young mum's back. What the poor girl needs is love and support. Maybe the son could get up through the night - every night and sit by young mum while she feeds baby and settles him back down!

You don't like criticism. All the comments are trying to point out the obvious . Learn from it.

Re breast pumps, even for someone who breastfeeds easily they can be a major faff. My dd found BF very easy and had a bountiful supply, but when Gds was in hospital at 4 months with bronchiolitis so severe that he had to be sedated and tube fed for a week, she found expressing a chore she could have done without.
It is not like turning a tap on, which is what some people seem to think. Plus of course the equipment needs meticulous care to keep it clean.

It isn’t anything to do with you really. As long as the baby is thriving and the mother well, have confidence that they will make the right decisions throughout.

TerriBull

You are right it is her body and such a decision is entirely up to her. He, your son, is not a lot of help saying she's lazy and tired. You're a mother, point out to him giving birth affects women in different ways, some take quite a while to recover from that, suggest he is not being very supportive by describing her as lazy.

I agree. That remark made me want to give him a slap!

My DH Has just asked why they're not living with you? He had his knowing over the fence Les Dawson face on at the time..........

And the reason for his #"distress" being? As long as baby has the first feeds after birth that contain all the supermum stuff it matters not whether breast or pint pot!! I had zero milk with #1DS so #2DS bottle fed from the start and neither have suffered as a result! There's a lot of hooey about breast feeding and a lot of pressure and guilt tripping with new mums too. Leave well alone stop talking behind her back and tell your offspring to grow up! Oh and get him to read some useful stuff on the subject on NHS sites and drop the tiktok mafia!! A joyous time with a new little one should be everyone's priority!

My MIL just laughed at me. I really wanted to BF, but because of the emergency C-Section (transveral breech- CS after 12 hours in labour), it was painful (as BF makes muscles contract, a very good way to get in shape after pregnancy). She just said 'stop this nonsense and stick it on the bottle as I did'. Thank goodness I had a great Health Visitor. and a great OH.
In hospital, nursing staff gave my baby a bottle without asking for permission, and we were all given samples free of charge and told it is much easier, and not to bother.

It seems that the outside pressure on mothers NOT to BF, from all sides, is much more common than t'other way round.

Maybe she would be less tired if he gave some bottle feeds in the night??It sounds like hes 'distressed' more for himself than the baby- if she breast feeds he's not having to be up in night helping out is he?Why would he be 'distressed' about it? If the baby is healthy & thriving on formula and his wife's happy with HER choice whats to be distressed about? He sounds uncaring & arrogant to me- what kind of husband & father would brand his childs mum as 'lazy' ?when its not long since she gave birth yes of course shes tired.
Sorry if some of us havent been agreeing with your son- but you did ask us so the majority of us- as mothers- have been on your DIL's side.You must know he's in the wrong complaining about it? If it were my son i'd have put him straight, & told him to stop moaning & give the poor mum a hand especially with a bottle feed in the night so she can get some rest- She's not lazy- just dog tired.🙄

My aunt was very scathing about breastfeeding. I later discovered that she hadn't been able to breastfeed herself. However when she had her babies in the 50s and 60s it was often discouraged anyway.