Son is troubled about partner stopping breast feeding

Good grief !! It’s none of your business (soz don’t mean that as harsh as it sounds!) this is Mum’s decision and her’s alone and I cannot even understand why Dad is even discussing it! My advice, just say nothing

I agree with you that it's so important but not every family feels this. It's possible that her in-laws feel that formula will give them all a less disrupted night.
My own DIL comes from a family where breastfeeding is not usual, and I did all I could to encourage and support her, but I suspect her mother was not doing the same. In the end she managed six weeks which was a good start for the baby, particularly as she was premature so DIL had to use a breast pump. Fortunately the hospital gave her lots of support and stressed the importance of breast milk for a premature baby. She later fed her second baby for six weeks too.
I do try not to push too much, I'd hate to have fallen out with her over this.

Only the mother knows how she feels and how tired or even depressed she might be. Her husband should not be telling tales and complaining to his mum!!!!!
When I had my first DD by Caesarian section I still managed to breastfeed with the help of the nurses and kept going until she was 6 months old when I started to get tired and gradually weaned her, my mother said nothing. My MIL said "Told you so",
When I had my second baby she told me that I had proved with the first that I could do it now get on and give the second formula. I took no notice. I later learned it was jealousy, she could not breastfeed herself because of deformed breasts but had not admitted this ,just tried to make me feel silly and inadequate. There are lots of reasons why people do not want to breastfeed or others don't want them to. I believe it is between the mother her baby and her medical team not interfering mothers or MIL.

There could be all kinds of reasons why your DIL doesn’t breast feed, maybe it is painful or she worries that her milk is not sufficient for baby’s needs, or maybe she is doing what her family is used to. Perhaps you could make a gentle suggestion that she expresses her breast milk as a compromise.

I remember the agony of latching on - I didn’t know, and no-one told me, that I could prepare my nipples - the pain passed and I breastfed DS for a year.
5 years later when DD was born I knew about a spray and cream (can’t remember the name off-hand) but had to give up after six months when she was hospitalised with diarrhoea and sickness. For myself I didn’t like the faff or sterilising and measuring when (to be coarse) I only had to lob my tits out!

I never breast fed, oddly it wasn't fashionable at the time so many mums didn't do it. I had and still have two healthy daughters in their fifties, with lovely healthy families, Nothing to worry about. Keep mum happy with good support and all will be fine.

It seems all of us agree. Which is great.

On an aside, how would you feel if a mother really wanted to breastfeed, and needed support, and her OH, her mother and MIL told her not to bother, they didn't either, and buy her formula and bottles and tell her to stop trying.

Lazy???????? Breastfeeding is pretty hard work, IIRC! The only reason I carried on with BF was because I thought I’d be too disorganised to have everything clean and ready for when the next feeds were due. I hope he appreciates the effort his wife has put into feeding HIS child!

You son has told you that his wife and mother of his newborn is 'lazy and tired'. What a disgraceful and ignorant betrayer of a man he is. Why has he not provided his wife and child with a home of their own? Is he lazy? To text you complaining about her breastfeeding is awful. No, you may not discuss his wife with him. Tell him to talk to his wife about any and all issues, not his mummy. He is a man now and he needs to act like it. It is not his wife? Then shame on him!

As the mother of three sons is tell
Them to grow the heck up
And start supporting the mother of his children doing what she feels is best for her body. I breastfed all six of mine but There’s no shame in formula - your son is gonna need t to put his big boy pants on as he can’t lactate himself he doesn’t get a say here.

welbeck

Dickens above writes,
To the OP:
Your GC shares the same name as my son

how do you know the name of the OP's GC, Dickens ?

... it's on another forum where this is also being discussed.

It's not lazy to say, i can't do this anymore when there is an alternative

No, it's not and it's better to have a baby which thrives and a relaxed mother if breastfeeding proves to be difficult and stressful.

Dickens above writes,
To the OP:
Your GC shares the same name as my son

how do you know the name of the OP's GC, Dickens ?

VioletSky

I guess it depends how you look at it

Supporting parents is always going to be easy in comparison to them actually parenting... unless the role is viewed in a self important way... not surethats the right phrase but haven't got the right one

Sorry I misunderstood Madgran

No worries VS 🙂

I guess it depends how you look at it

Supporting parents is always going to be easy in comparison to them actually parenting... unless the role is viewed in a self important way... not surethats the right phrase but haven't got the right one

Sorry I misunderstood Madgran

Allsorts

I would feel very undermined if my husband discussed about me breast feeding with his mother. It’s up to the babies mother, her decision, what right have her husband or anyone else to tell her what she does with her baby, her body. She is probably exhausted and feeling low, if they were bothered, just ask her if there is anything they can do to help her instead of questioning her about how she raises her baby. I know loads of babies bottle fed, thriving just the same as breast fed babies.

Good answer Allsorts.
I like that the OP acknowledges that it’s the mother’s body.
Wondering if her DH was sharing criticism (like the son is) about her decision to stop breast feeding would have been an added stress at an already stressful time. Hopefully she’ll never know.

VioletSky

I'm not sure I've got anything else to add really

We don't have to agree

But I'm not actually disagreeing with you....in my first comment I said I agreed with all your suggestions, and I still do. My only point is that I don't think its "easy" , I think it's sensitive and needs care at such a sensitive time. That's not making it a challenge, just part of the tapestry that make up relationships.

I'm not disagreeing, more building on the nuances and subtleties of your original valid suggestions.

Anyway ...interesting to consider.

I would feel very undermined if my husband discussed about me breast feeding with his mother. It’s up to the babies mother, her decision, what right have her husband or anyone else to tell her what she does with her baby, her body. She is probably exhausted and feeling low, if they were bothered, just ask her if there is anything they can do to help her instead of questioning her about how she raises her baby. I know loads of babies bottle fed, thriving just the same as breast fed babies.

Don’t get upset by the comments. Most are trying to help - you will see different points of view. In time you’ll be able to balance these views in your head and will workout which are useful to you. ( I know as I’ve been in the firing line on gransnet before! )
It seems your son is keen for breastfeeding to continue, I think you need to reassure him that his partner has done well so far. If she’s not happy to continue that’s fine. I can remember feeling drained and exhausted, and wishing someone else could feed baby instead of me. Baby will thrive - it’s had a great start.

I'm not sure I've got anything else to add really

We don't have to agree

VioletSky

Sure if you like, but it's not a challenge and definitely shouldn't be treated like one

OK! I didn't say it was "a challenge", I just said it wasn't "easy"!

When not judging the washing up in the sink or their being wrapped up in a dressing gown surviving

But some personalities, possibly because of past experiences etc, might well believe they are being judged when they are not...even more so at such a sensitive time! It is not a one-way street of the GPs doing all the right things and it all being alright, lots of sensitivities are involved beyond just "doing the right things", on both sides and its not "easy"!

Sure if you like, but it's not a challenge and definitely shouldn't be treated like one

Norah but even your suggestion of asking in tge way you say cam be interpreted incorrectly depending on personalities. As I said, I agree with all the suggestions VS made, I just don't think it is "easy"

VioletSky

No, it's easy to be a support rather than be a challenge as a grandparent

Just ask the new parents if unsure what they want or need right now

But that's my point..a GP can ask what they need, offer to bring your own food as you suggested so not making more work and that offer can be interpreted in a range of ways, regardless of what the GPs intention in the offer is!

Put well, Marthjolly1

I think the son is also struggling (and has been doing bottles not just sitting by).
Maybe mum is emotionally exhausted and not functioning as well as she usually does.
Maybe she is overwhelmed with the help from her own parents and can't say no? This "help" isn't always as welcome as it appears.

Just a thought.