Son is troubled about partner stopping breast feeding

LRavenscroft

I did not breast feed at all and my child was the healthiest in the class with very few days off school. It is the mother's choice and her choice alone. Leave the poor lady alone and let her enjoy her baby time without meddling. I would have been furious if someone had challenged my choice and told them to get lost. Apart from that my mum, dad and husband got a look in with the feeding too and my child now very much adult is one of the most balanced and happy people you could wish to meet. Each to their own, live and let live!

I couldn’t agree more. I didn’t breastfeed any of my three babies. They were all very healthy and still are as adults.

Hollycat

Back in the ‘70’s in the days when “women could have everything” and when I had my children, the pressure was NOT to breastfeed, You gave birth, were taken back to bed and told you were not to get out of it for two days! They cleaned you up and the baby arrived with a nurse and a tiny bottle of milk. This was the Whittington Hospital in Highgate, London. The ward had 16 mothers in it, the only one who breastfed was an American who insisted on it. Everyone, including the nurses thought she was mad. My baby was a forceps delivery so I had to stay in for 10 days., rather than the usual 7. When I left I was presented with a “Bounty Box” and four of the tiny bottles of milk to take home. At a checkup with my own GP he told me not to use formula milk saying it was only introduced in the war because milk production couldn’t be guaranteed. He told me to feed the baby on silver top milk, two parts milk and one part boiled water with a teaspoon of sugar. He was adamant the milk shouldn’t be My second child, five years later, but in Chase Farm Hospital, Enfield, was exactly the same, only this time I was sent home after only two days. None of my friends breastfed either. Both have grown up disgustingly healthy and are 53 and 48 respectively. I can’t see the problem.

Exactly the same here. I gave birth through the 70's, in London hospitals, and didn't want to breastfeed.

The hospital were fine - got the Bounty Bags and some SMA formula - all good.👍

They are now mid 40's, and are completely healthy.

How to feed needs to be the choice of the woman - it has nothing to do with anyone else, professional or family.

I've never heard of all those "rules" for grandparents to follow though - my bottle feeding daughter used to want me visiting when she had her four kids, so that she could have a bit of chill time, and the odd glass of wine, while I did some feeding, changing, looking after the other children and whatever else.😉

Grammaretto

I think OP has left but this is an interesting thread!
I was reading the Motherhood Book written in the 1930s.
If you could afford it back then you'd have had a monthly nurse who would help you to look after your baby, wash the baby's linen, make light meals and so on.
I wish I'd had one of them!

My mother was a Nanny.
When a new baby arrived in the family a 'monthly nurse' would be employed. Nanny also had a nursery nurse to help with the baby and other child(ren).

Parents saw the children for an hour or so in the evening, when they had been bathed, fed and ready for bed
🙂

Agree with oodles that bottle feeding seems a lot more trouble than breastfeeding! Obviously some choose bottle feeding for a variety of reasons, but there is not enough publicity about the convenience (and cheapness) of bf for those women who find it easy. I would definitely consider it the "lazy" option - it was for me at least!

The worst of options seems to be pumping and then bottle feeding baby - twice as much work.

Some mothers will find bottle feeding easier and preferable to breast feeding. It's the mother's choice and as long as the baby is happy, healthy and content that's all that matters.

I think OP has left but this is an interesting thread!
I was reading the Motherhood Book written in the 1930s.
If you could afford it back then you'd have had a monthly nurse who would help you to look after your baby, wash the baby's linen, make light meals and so on.
I wish I'd had one of them!

@ThespiGran you've been put in a difficult position as by the sounds of it has your daughter in law
Pumping is a lot harder than actually. Brrastfeeding and if she was also feeding the pumped milk most of the time that takes up so much time, it's a shame that she couldn't get help in the early days, there is help out there. One breastfeeding experience that doesn't go well doesn't mean another time it will be impossible, that with support many mothers have found that they can do what they want ie feed their baby at the breast, I've supported mothers to be successful second, third, fourth, fifth time round.
Who on earth would tell a mother that bottle. Feeding us easier, if you make up the formula and sterilize the bottles according to up to date guidelines. I bet those other grandparents aren't going to be sterilizing bottles for her and making up formula at all hours if the day and night, it's not like in the old days when mums would make up bottles and keep them in the fridge for the day. I'd hate to have to do that myself and no one tells new mums what a massive faff it is

Daddima

Apart from Bluebelle, has anybody noticed that Thespigran has left?

having lobbed a predictably v goady post...
maybe it was all a big act.

I’d be more concerned about his lack of support. And I breastfed my children until they were 18months old. Their relationship doesn’t sound healthy.

Yes it is cruel. Many don’t breastfeed for all sorts of reasons and comments about cow’s milk are very hurtful.

Mulhouse! Great word. Should be milk.

I had my first child in 1981. When i had my second it was 1992.

I was horrified to learn that the baby wasn't being taken to the nursery at night to give me a rest like they did with my first

It really doesn't help when people say that cow's milk is for cows I chose not to breast feed. However when women genuinely can't breast feed but want to it can be devastating. So think on before saying cow's mulhouse is for babies. It's silly. And cruel.

Fleurpepper. WOW! I’m disgusted that you were told at the hospital to bottlefeed, and that it was much easier! It certainly isn’t much easier, what with sterilising and making up the bottles. It’s obviously better to breastfeed, because that’s what your breasts are for and that’s what breast milk is for, to feed babies. Cows milk is for baby cows. I know not everyone can do it as sometimes there are insurmountable problems, and I sympathise with mums who want to do it and can’t. I know it can be hard and your nipples get sore, but usually that’s temporary. When I had my first child in 1974, they took him away the first night and bottle fed him without even asking, to give all the mums a rest the first night and they did the same to all the other babies. They wouldn’t dream of doing that nowadays. In those days, you stayed in for a week, now you’re lucky if you’re in for two days. It’s crazy that there seemed to be a fashion to bottle feed in the 50s and 60s. After my first baby, the doctor visited me at home and said, “back to nature” as if it was something unusual. I’m very glad that I breastfed my 3?children.

sarahcyn
please don’t conclude that your one positive experience is applicable to the whole world
Where has that been said? For those who couldn’t bf, that sort of comment is really hurtful.
I’d claim that I did the best for my child. Your sentence implies that I failed.

I think it’s a shame when babies aren’t breastfed. as obviously it’s the best thing for them and I think a lot of women give up far too quickly if they are having problems and they should persevere. If she’s already stopped there’s not much he can do about it, but he could have pressed the point that it’s free and they won’t have to spend a lot of money on formula. And so much more convenient when it’s so quickly available. I breastfeed my children for 10 months, 13 months, and 14 months. I thought I’d have to give up with one of them after three months because I didn’t seem to be getting enough milk, but my doctor told me to feed on demand. My daughter fed my granddaughter for a very long time and is feeding her 15-month-old son still. She said I inspired her. She had problems with both of them at the start, because they were tongue-tied.

A very small percentage of women have insufficient glandular tissue.
Inverted nipples are not “deformed” but can make bf hard in the beginning.
A current client of mine had very flat nipples when her baby was born. With persistence and the help of nipple shields, her nipples have now totally changed shape 6 weeks later. It won’t work for everyone of course- just an example.
To those of us who fed their babies 100% with formula milk, please don’t conclude that your one positive experience is applicable to the whole world. Formula milk is highly nutritious, no doubt about it. But it’s lacking in a vast range of live constituents which are in human milk.

Apart from Bluebelle, has anybody noticed that Thespigran has left?

Thank you, Farmor15.

Good post icanhandthemback with practical suggestions. Often a son or daughter just wants to offload about their partner and our role as parents is just to listen!

I'd have probably sympathised with son that adjusting for babies is hard work for both parents but that the best thing he could do right now is to support rather than criticise. I would also kindly point out the wear and tear on a woman's body whilst pregnant and the continuing energy it takes to provide nutrition and care for the newborn.
I would have to balance my comments with my son so he felt he could offload when he was feeling at his worst with a reality check about what happens when you make the decision to have a baby! However, quite rightly, my son would not allow me to criticise his wife even if he was having a funny 5 minutes with her. He'll sometimes have moan about how hard he finds being the only driver so has to run his son and wife, here, there and everywhere but if I say something like, "I thought she'd agreed to learn how to drive," he immediately back pedals and says she has it hard in other ways so he shouldn't complain. Then I agree that it is hard being a parent sometimes and he goes back into the fray feeling better that he's been heard and ready to undertake his taxi driving in a better frame of mind.

I suppose there are a host of reasons that may have led to that decision so for any of us to speculate the whys and wherefores is pointless. Sounds like the choice is made. There will be so many things over the years that they will both do when parenting their child that you may not agree with. Not easy being Granny sometimes is it!

Agree !
And then you can get back to sleep as soon as possible.
As to lazy , not a supportive comment !

I will be honest, I hated breastfeeding, loved my baby but just could not stand having it attached 24/7 so I stopped after a month but she grew up fine and healthy on formula as did my other two. Perhaps your sons partner feels this way also, has anyone actually asked her why she stopped breast feeding?

Mothers choice! If my husband had called me lazy over my feeding methods to his mother behind my back 4 weeks post partum I would have felt incredibly hurt and very upset, this kinddof carry on absolutely would make any post partum woman feel very unsupported - and after I’d healed and felt a little less tired I would have been livid. Your daughter in law is at her most vulnerable right now, though she most probably can feel this judgement. Tell your son to be careful, later down the line when she processes how unsupportive he’s been & sge’s not so vulnerable, I rather think she may have quite a lot to say about him to others - terrible husband might be the first thing!

Her body her baby I’d wouldn’t never dream of saying to my two daughter inlaws about how or what to feed their children I’m just the nanna if someone told me when my sons were babies they would have got a mouth full lol if baby on bottle it’s team work