Unpleasant sister in law, help please

Again, where is your husband on this?

Why is he not protecting you and telling her to leave you alone?

I hope he sees how she treats you and does not justify it

Tell her you dislike her jokes. Be uncompromisingly polite to her. She is socially disabled

Usually I would say avoid someone like this, but if you happen to find yourself face to face with her and she makes a disparaging comment, just say, "Yes you're quite right, as usual, now do excuse me," and turn to talk to someone else or walk away.

Try not to let her "get to you."
As everyone else says, she's simply jealous of you and her opinions are really not worth worrying about.

Smile and walk away when she approaches you she does not matter and is not important. Let her feel the disappointment that you won’t be taking the verbal she usually comes out with. Walk tall and be smug and treat her like this from now on you can do it.

No, you don't have to go because you are close to the host/hostess, you can always celebrate with the person some other time

A while ago I recall someone on here suggested what to say when someone was being offensive. It was: 'I am sorry but I don't understand'. I thought that was quite good as they have to explain themselves. Another is: 'Why would you say that?'.

Thanks everyone, I really appreciate the advice. We have to go because we are close to the person the party is for. There will be a lot of other people there so I can stay away from her. As a wee Glasweigan I don't usually hold back but I think on this occasion I will take your advice and ignore her xxx

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

I wouldn’t retaliate. Just let us say her piece and you can walk away in silence. Life is too short.

You could be right! That's a good one Pigma

Silence is the best weapon. If it’s a fairly big gathering, you don’t have to engage with her. Say ‘hi’ and move away ..

Could you be brave enough to say in a calm and curious voice ‘When I’ve told people how nasty you can be to me, they’ve told me you are jealous. Do you think this could be the case?’ When she blusters and says it’s a joke or she’s not being nasty just say ‘Oh, really? Because that’s how it comes across so you might like to say something different next time’ and then give her a sympathetic smile and move away. But I find the most effective thing to say is ‘You could be right’. You’re not saying she is but it gives her nothing to argue against. And then move on.

She's like this because everything you've achieved in life, she's failed at.
You're petite and in good shape. Is she?
You have a good strong long term marriage. She doesn't.
You have 2 lovely children. She doesn't.
You worked your way up in life. She hasn't.
You have everything she could have had. But didn't.

She's riddled with jealousy. Laugh at her.

It sounds to me as if she has issues around having given up her child for adoption and seeing her brother and SiL having a happy relationship with family; and is transferring her sadness/guilt/regret onto you by continually having a go at you at every opportunity she has. I think the best thing you can do is try not to let her see she has upset you, ignore her comments and either change the subject altogether as if you haven’t heard what she has said or walk away from her and speak to other people. If her flames have no fuel, they’ll die out.

She’s jealous of you, keep your dignity and when she makes a nasty comment give her a Paddington stare, just brief, no smile and walk on preferably to eat or drink. That will rattle her.

Some choices of response:

1. Silence. Just stand and look at her as others have suggested with a benign look on your face, let her fill the silence. If she doesn't, wear a puzzled expression and walk away!

2. "And your point is?" with a questioning look or "Could you explain the point you are making please" , followed by silence and wait for a response ... depending on her response one can usually just keep going ..."but what point are you trying to make" or "but I am unclear the point you are making, could you explain..." on and on until you choose to shrug, or look puzzled and walk away

4. "Yes I am short! Why are you pointing that out, it is hardly interesting"! If she says "its a joke" etc reply "Oh. Pity it wasn't funny" and walk away!!

5. Just keep away from her and don't engage atall

"grot person of the month" What a great idea for putting down those who annoy.
People like your Sil don't like being laughed at or put down back.
My Sil was similar and at a party she said to me that I didn't have an hour glass figure. I replied the problem with hour glass figures is all the sand goes to the bottom. She never insulted me again.

Silence is your weapon.
Several people have suggested it so why not give it a try? When she puts you down or makes a scathing remark, just stare at her and say nothing. Let her fill the awkward silence and don't help her wriggle out of it.
If you feel you must say something repeat what she's said word for word.

what's betting she's as nice as pie this time and you don't get a chance to make her look stupid.

I wish you could read your post through the eyes of a third party. All your answers are in it. Sounds like sour grapes on her part. And, you sound like a very grounded and accomplished lady who is considerate and well informed. You won't change people, so short of ignoring her, enjoy your own achievements. I have a page in my diary called Grot Person of the Month. I list people who have annoyed me or are rude etc but use a code for their names i.e. Freda Bloggs would be FB. etc. just in case it gets in the wrong hands. You could even call her Mrs SB (Sour grapes),

Just chat to the SIL's that you do get on with... she's probably been unpleasant to them as well.. she sounds like a very unhappy woman, so also maybe feel a bit sorry for her?

Tell her to turn off the repeat button.,then walk away.

Where does your husband stand?

You don't have to attend anything you don't want to

She can only get to you if you let her. Smile, walk away if she starts. Never let her know she's hit the spot.

GN is great practice for that!

Stare her straight in the eyes and say absolutely nothing. Best wishes

Depends whether you want to find ways of enduring her, or of stopping her. If it’s the former, just spend the minimum possible time in her company, and as soon as she’s rude excuse yourself to talk to someone else - you don’t have to respond to her.

If it’s the latter, when she starts, say, very politely ‘yes, you’ve told me you think that many times before. Please stop. It’s rude, and, frankly, boring’ and then change the subject to something of interest to the wider group.