Wife refuses to cook

For goodness' sake, don't introduce her to Gransnet, 4thtwin, if you think she does nothing much now, you'll get nothing at all out of her once she finds us 😲

So when she was cooking you didn't like what she was doing and criticised her. But you want her to cook more.
I thought men were supposed to be logical.
Are you saying that in 20 years she has just cooked frozen peas once?
Stop nagging.
You care what you eat, so do the shopping and the cooking.
She doesn't and you can't make her.

there's no way a frozen lasagne could take 6 hrs to cook...

I wonder 4thtwin if there is a pastor or priest at your church you could confide in?
They may have couple's counselling?
If the Bingo is an issue, does your wife see it as one too?

Did she cook for you all when the children were at home?

It can be strange when children fly the nest. The parents are suddenly a couple again but may not be the same as they were before the family.

Sounds to me as though she’s become addicted to gambling and needs treatment. Have you considered that? The more you nag her about the cooking the more she’ll retreat into her gambling habit. If she’s doing it while driving or in church that’s pretty serious.

NotSpaghetti

Thank you for coming back 4thwin
I read that you love her which is good but somewhere along the way things have become a bit strained and difficult.

Did she play Bingo on her phone when you had children living with you or is this and Facebook relatively new? Did she cook when you still had family at home?

It sounds to me that the relationship has got a bit stuck in a rut and maybe you could seek some help and support. The cooking is just one part.
And you say she finds things about you to complain about... are you addressing those things?

If this is to be improved it may take more than cooking I feel.

Facebook bingo is a relatively new thing for her. She started hosting games on there a little more than a year ago and that has consumed her every waking moment. Back when she was cooking more I'd walk into the kitchen to see unattended pots on the stove only to find her closed off in one of the bedrooms hosting a game. She makes side money doing this and I guess I'm getting tired of always having to take a back seat to people on Facebook. Again, we'll be in church and instead of listening to the message she'll be on FB lining up players for her next game. She'll be driving and will have her phone open to FB while she's driving. I've told her I'm surprised she's not had a major wreck from constantly looking down at her phone. I'm not asking for a gourmet meal on the nights she cooks but I'm getting tired of frozen pizzas or those frozen lasagna meals that takes 6 hours to cook because they're so frozen solid.

Op

What do you think of the feedback received so far?

Can we set up an escape fund for the poor woman? This, if it is true, is all about power and control, not cooking.

Just take over all the cooking .......

Ask your wife to set the table, open the wine, sit and watch you cook.
Simples.

Germanshepherdsmum

I have asked twice what dishes the OP cooks. No response. I would expect such an expert cook, with all the spices he apparently has (but doesn’t name and criticises his wife for not using) to reel off a list of his delicious specialities. The only dishes he mentions are the ones his wife messes up.

I like and cook a variety foods. Italian, Mexican, American. I love to make country fried steak, that's probably one of my favorite meals but I only cook it ever few months as to not get worn out of it. Again, many of yall are thinking I'm barking orders at my wife or simply taking my plate into the kitchen and just throwing it away right in her face. I'm not doing that. I guess I got tired of eating undercooked or unseasoned food and now I'm getting tired of eating take out or fast food. We're in our 50's and I don't think our bodies can handle eating fast food multiple times a week simply because she doesn't want to take the time to cook something more healthy on her nights. Plus, take out and fast food gets expensive after a while.

Yes, I think a man is having a joke here and enjoying winding us up. It is indeed a very long winded post and I can visualise a couple of bored men sitting at a laptop having a good laugh at us grannies clutching our pearls

I do think the OP 4thtwin is having a bit of a joke with us. It's quite fun reading his responses and I look forward to the next instalment.

lemsip

is your wife on gransnet too?........ if not how did you find the site?

This is an odd post. Why would you think a man would be incapable of finding "Gransnet"? Technology isn't so sophisticated that only females can discover Gransnet and any gender can post also Gran could be a diminutive of Grandpa or Grandma.

4thtwin, as others have commented, this isn't just about cooking is it? There are other issues, her seeming addiction to Facebook and bingo, not doing much about the house etc. Sounds like you need to go out to a restaurant for a meal that neither of you have cooked and have a good old chat about the state of your marriage and whether there is any more life in it. If she can't agree to do 50% of the chores then you have to accept it or review your options.

Callistemon21

You want her to cook but then criticise what she cooks.

I'd still keep an eye on that knife ........
Just saying.

It's amazing she's still there to use a knife.. I know where I'd be..

is your wife on gransnet too?........ if not how did you find the site?

I've managed to get out of doing the ironing for years, eazybee by just not doing it up to DH' s standards, so he does it all now 😃

Callistemon21

Op

If you feel the dust bothers you, you can also clean than yourself.

Apart from the cooking, your house chores are very much traditionally male oriented

So yes, chauvinism is very much present here

Ditto BlueBelle.

Thank you for coming back 4thwin
I read that you love her which is good but somewhere along the way things have become a bit strained and difficult.

Did she play Bingo on her phone when you had children living with you or is this and Facebook relatively new? Did she cook when you still had family at home?

It sounds to me that the relationship has got a bit stuck in a rut and maybe you could seek some help and support. The cooking is just one part.
And you say she finds things about you to complain about... are you addressing those things?

If this is to be improved it may take more than cooking I feel.

And those other questions I asked … ?

That went well sago

I m afraid I m with the majority on here I like a simple life

You like cooking, you love incorporating spices and making it appetising Your wife doesn’t like cooking OR has she over the years had so much criticism and you ‘don’t do it this way’ that mentally she’s given up and thinking well I can’t get it right so he can do it himself
Think about that because I can assure you I don’t enjoy cooking and if I made an effort and then had it criticised I d say to myself well blow that he can do it himself

Germanshepherdsmum

Cooking frozen peas without water would make them burn, not be hard and rubbery. Why fry pork chops in a deep fat fryer? I can’t believe your wife is as totally clueless and unobservant as you’re saying. As I asked before, what do you cook? Give us some examples.

No, she didn't burn them but when they started to with and shrivel that's when she turned off the pot.

eazybee

*Wife refuses to cook*

Well, shock horror!

It's my NY resolution.

Better late than never 🙂