Fried food and no green veg. Terribly healthy.
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Wife refuses to cook
(139 Posts)The title of the post may come across as chauvinistic but I assure you it's not. Here's the background. I was a single dad with full custody of my daughter since she was about 2 years old. We had our own place and I was responsible for all meal prep. If we wanted to eat then it was all on me. I come from a mom who always cooked big sunday dinenrs for me and my 6 other siblings and we'd always get together with food being the central theme. I quickly learned how to cook like my mom. A few years later I met my wife, girlfriend at the time. She was coming off her first divorce with 2 sons in tow, I'd invite her to my place and cook meals for her and she loved it. And every now and then she'd invite me to her place and she'd cook for me. Her meals were typically spaghetti or fried chicken. Nothing too extravagant. Her and her sons eventually moved in and with both of us working we made the meal that we would alternate cooking nights. She'd cook one day and I'd cook the next. This way no one person is responsible for cooking every day. Granted, my wife claimed to be a great cook. She loved southern style cooking. Fried chicken, pork chops, greens, etc.
Fast forward some 20 years and it seems that she refuses to cook anything. She blames me for that saying since I don't eat greens and cabbage and stuff like that she forgot how to cook them. We're Afro-American and those dishes were staples in our home growing up. I never took a liking to green, cabbage and things like that. Well, it seems that the longer we were together the less she cooked. We both worked outside of the home and when we'd get home from work you cooked for the family. On my nights I'd have a meal planned but on her nights it was always "I have no idea what I want to cook". She thinks meal prep takes days and hours to do. I can think of a meal for the next day during a commercial break. My wife now says things like "I hate to chop veggies" or "I don't have an idea what to cook." She's gotten to the point to when she cooks I have to do the prepping for her. Our cabinet is full of spices and we have two deep freezers stocked full. She refuses to dig in the deep freezer to pull out some chicken or ground beef because that takes time away from her doing something else.
Now it seems like when it's her night to eat we'll usually do take out or fast food. Typically on Saturdays we'd be out running around and I'll ask what she has planned for dinner the next day so we can stop byt he store if she doesn't have everything or if she needs an ingredient or spice. She'll now complain saying it's her night and I shouldn't worry about it. Typically the next day she still won't have an idea then complain when she's short on an ingredient. Typically she'll continue to cook it minus the ingredient she didn't have. We're now in our early 50s and I can't seem to get her to cook anything.
We both work from home now permanently due to covid and we're steps away from the kitchen. She actually has her work station on our kitchen table. But when she gets off work she'll sit there for an hour or two playing on her phone or scrolling through Facebook. When I get off work an hour or so later she'll ask me what I want for dinner and I'll say something like " a home cooked meal." She usually smacks her teeth and walk away. I've even gotten to the point where I'll even say "hey, I'd love for you to cook this week, something, anything." And again she complains that cooking takes too long and she just doesn't have the time. But again, she gets off work an hour and a half before me.
I've asked a similar question on other forum sites and most of the people have usually replied that if I want a mean I should just cook it myself. That sort of defeats the purpose of us alternating nights so one person isn't responsible for cooking every night. Others have said that maybe I should just start cooking for myself and leve her to fend for herself. But do you know how well that would go over if I only fried 1 or 2 pieces of chicken, make a lasagna for 1, or just fix enough for me?
I've even offered for us to cook together and she hates that because when I try to show her anything then she gets all in her feelings saying I'm just lecturing her. I'm surprised she hasn't cut herself by the way she holds a knife.
I'm at my wits end on this. How do I get her to cook once in a while? Again, I'm not asking for a gourmet 5 course meal but just something she thinks about and plans. Standing in the kitchen stirring a pot takes away from her checking everyone's Facebook status. I've even given her recipes to follow and if it has more than 3 or 4 ingredients then she thinks that's a facny meal and she doesn't want to try it.
Bringing it up in a casual conversation usually ends up in an argument. Help. IS there anything I can do?
@Hetty58 don’t forget these are Americans and OP’s specialities are fried foods - I don’t imagine they keep well.
I still think your having a laugh . How ever , I feel sorry for both of you !! 😂
What a strange post! This idea of cooking a meal from scratch every day - is totally odd to me. When I cook, I'll make enough for two or three days of meals. We'll eat one, then one for the freezer and, often, another for the fridge. So, I'll cook once or twice a week, that's all.
Older children, friends and guests can take a turn at cooking, too - a takeaway or salad is another option - so no fuss or drama here!
The OP mentioned his wife wanting him to organize their holiday. I had a friend in Suffolk who regularly used to say I want DH to take me to ...... on holiday. I often used to say "why don't you organise the holiday then you'll know it's sorted" She reminded me of the "little woman" being looked after by her DH.
I organise our holidays. I ask DH whether he'd like to go to country A, B or C and then find some options. I always show them to him. I enjoy doing it and he likes me to do it.
And this is a church-going man …
My wife hates to do anything where someone could possibly criticize her over it
It's obvious, surely:
Your wife gets enough criticism from you - she likely has low self esteem and feels that nothing she does is good enough
How hard is it to get a group consensus on where everyone wants to eat and call the restaurant and put us down for 15 or 20 people at a certain time?
My wife hates to do anything where someone could possibly criticize her over it.
You know, you could always offer to do the organizing if you want to go out with the family?
Your wife gets enough criticism from you - she likely has low self esteem and feels that nothing she does is good enough. Do you compliment her? Ever? or just tear her down?
When you were mad at AT&T and Samsung, were you yelling near her? Yelling to her?
Why werent your photos backed up from before? I just got a new phone - my photos all stayed on my google account. That part makes no sense
Don't need apologise. If anyone reads what i write I am surprised and quite chuffed.
I have been glad to rely on my husband’s cooking at exceptionally busy times too Dinahmo. Now retired, we share the cooking, I agree - why buy grated cheese? I tried it once - never again. Ghastly stuff. How long does it take to do it yourself?
use one spook to stir all the post
🤔 Freudian slip?
Oh dear. I'm afraid I;m with the OP. For the last few months my DH has been doing the cooking, as well as the cleaning, because I've been busy working. And before you shout at me, I was filed my last tax return at 24h02 (my time) 23h02 UK time on Tuesday.
Re cabbage etc. Why not parboil and then heat with chestnuts or add the cooked cabbage to bacon that you've browned. Delicious.
Also, why are you buying grated cheese?
Seriously, and if this isn’t a wind-up (I’m not convinced), why don’t you both sit down at the weekend and take a few minutes to plan the week’s meals, who’s cooking what and what needs to be bought then do the necessary shopping? It isn’t rocket science. I’ve been doing it since before you were born. And get a slow cooker/crockpot or whatever you call it in the US if you don’t already have one, chuck the ingredients in and leave the food to cook while you’re both working. I feel like I’m your mother telling you this basic stuff. Fortunately my son and his wife are very accomplished cooks and don’t need this advice despite working far longer hours than you and your wife, as did I (and not from home). I will, though, tell you that you should be eating greens. Only small children refuse them, not grown men who claim to be good cooks (and presumably, therefore, are well versed in nutritional requirements).
Callistemon21
4thtwin
Caleo
Some people like to be instructed. I like to be instructed by someone whose knowledge I respect, but only if I respect their knowledge and experience. Maybe your wife is not one who likes to be instructed, and there are many who
don't.
During that twenty years of living together , did your wife suddenly begin to dislike cooking, or did her dislike come on gradually?My wife claims to be a good cook but she doesn't try at it. She has admitted to not knowing how to make an omelet or even a grilled cheese sandwich. How hard is it to make a grilled cheese sandwich?
😂😂😂
Oh, I meant to quote GSM's post, apologies!
4thtwin
Caleo
Some people like to be instructed. I like to be instructed by someone whose knowledge I respect, but only if I respect their knowledge and experience. Maybe your wife is not one who likes to be instructed, and there are many who
don't.
During that twenty years of living together , did your wife suddenly begin to dislike cooking, or did her dislike come on gradually?My wife claims to be a good cook but she doesn't try at it. She has admitted to not knowing how to make an omelet or even a grilled cheese sandwich. How hard is it to make a grilled cheese sandwich?
How hard is it to make a grilled cheese sandwich?
🤔 Just a minute, I'll ask DH
4thtwin
Caleo
Some people like to be instructed. I like to be instructed by someone whose knowledge I respect, but only if I respect their knowledge and experience. Maybe your wife is not one who likes to be instructed, and there are many who
don't.
During that twenty years of living together , did your wife suddenly begin to dislike cooking, or did her dislike come on gradually?My wife claims to be a good cook but she doesn't try at it. She has admitted to not knowing how to make an omelet or even a grilled cheese sandwich. How hard is it to make a grilled cheese sandwich?
😂😂😂
Put the woman out of her misery and give her a divorce.
...my KitchenAid...
I think that says it all!
Anybody who tried me how to chop an onion at my age without my requesting them to would risk me chopping them up!
Yup. He's exhausted all the US grans...
Quite an entertaining thread, this one. 😂😂😂
*4thtwin”
You’re American right?
Go see a therapist.
Witzend
My dh never cooks, never has - largely down to formerly always working very long hours, inc. for years a 6 day week, while I never worked more than part time.
We now have a fair division of labour - I cook, he clears up the kitchen, loads the dishwasher and empties it. Would that work for you? It suits me just fine.
"I cook, she cleans"? Not gonna happen because she said I use too many pots, pans, utensils, etc. So the way we have it is I cook, I clean, I load the dishwasher. Then the next day when she wants to possibly cook something she'll tell me to go unload the dishwasher because those are the dishes I used so she shouldn't have to unload the dishwasher from my night of cooking. When she cook it's usually a one pot meal. If she cooks anything with more than one pot she'll usually use one spook to stir all the post as to not add another thing to her dishwasher. She'll run the dishwasher for one pot, 2 plates, and 2 forks. To me that's wasting water.
Caleo
Some people like to be instructed. I like to be instructed by someone whose knowledge I respect, but only if I respect their knowledge and experience. Maybe your wife is not one who likes to be instructed, and there are many who
don't.
During that twenty years of living together , did your wife suddenly begin to dislike cooking, or did her dislike come on gradually?
My wife claims to be a good cook but she doesn't try at it. She has admitted to not knowing how to make an omelet or even a grilled cheese sandwich. How hard is it to make a grilled cheese sandwich?
My dh never cooks, never has - largely down to formerly always working very long hours, inc. for years a 6 day week, while I never worked more than part time.
We now have a fair division of labour - I cook, he clears up the kitchen, loads the dishwasher and empties it. Would that work for you? It suits me just fine.
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