Stuck in relationship with distant man

Yes Grandmabatty, it's the history of my life. Staying too long in unsatisfactory relationships (I think I have dependency issues). The interesting thing though is that the most peaceful period of my life was the preceding period of 12 years before I met this man and was single. I'm beginning to wish I'd never met him

LaCrepescule
You obviously don’t recognise a red flag when it’s flying.
How many more does he have to hoist before you see it?

RUN!

Sometimes it takes quite a long time for someone to finally leave a relationship. I would rather support the OP instead of berating her.

Germanshepherdsmum

You’ve started so many threads about your relationship with this man, even his sexual difficulties (tmi). For heaven’s sake put an end to it. You can’t seriously be considering a future with him just because you might get ill - and he’ll have you exactly where he wants you, totally dependent on him. Stick to the dog walking.

This ^

Be thankful you're still unmarried, move on, be happy.

You’ve started so many threads about your relationship with this man, even his sexual difficulties (tmi). For heaven’s sake put an end to it. You can’t seriously be considering a future with him just because you might get ill - and he’ll have you exactly where he wants you, totally dependent on him. Stick to the dog walking.

Just go. End it now. You know it’s not right.
I talk as someone who finally left a controlling husband after 13 years last October. I should have done this years ago but tried to make my marriage work.
I can’t say it’s all a bed of roses especially this week as i have finally been caught by the Covid bug. This is when you appreciate real friends and family.
But my life is mine, and not his to deal with how he saw fit on the day.

LaCrepescule

You're right Grandmabatty and what's weird is that when I'm unwell he just loves looking after me because he says he likes me being dependent on him!

I mentioned him being controlling just now. This proves it! Run!!

That is a huge red flag. Run, skip away. Don't walk, don't stay. Find that strong independent woman and bin him

You're right Grandmabatty and what's weird is that when I'm unwell he just loves looking after me because he says he likes me being dependent on him!

I'm sorry to hear this. YJou say you are worried about developing cancer and that you will need someone to support you. What makes you think that this man will? He's not particularly supportive right now, is he, with his coldness towards you ... so much that you went home the other night rather than be with him? What does that say to you?

He "shuts down the conversation", you say, and calls you "emotional". This sounds controlling to me and you say yourself that it's not making you happy.

I know it's scary to be on your own, but it's even worse to be trapped with the wrong person. Been there and done that, and am now on my own which is relaxing and happy.

You feel "trapped". Don't bother with an ultimatum, he's never going to change at this stage in his life. I would tell him it's not working for you and you are ok with staying dog-walking companions but that's all. This is all you seem to be getting out of the relationship anyway.

So you want to stay in a cold, unloved relationship just in case you might get sick and need a carer? And someone who is emotionally closed off is likely to stay around and help you? If you feel trapped now, can you imagine how trapped you would feel if he was caring for you or if you had to rely on him? Stop thinking of what might be and get out of this relationship. It isn't what you need right now.