Happy for them, sad for me

Thanks Labadi0747, I can already see that my DiL is much happier now that she is home, and I truly understand that. I am just so sad that my son is now so far away.
Luckily they are being brilliant about keeping in touch so far - hope it lasts

I do hope it gets easier for you. No easy answer but it’s Gods own country , right ?….
Seems like Australian women just can’t be away from their roots . I hope they visit you lots otherwise it is just not equal
Also things change & never ever stay the same either. Who knows how this situation will pan out in a few years.

HiMay, that must be hard! I hope you manage to visit and that they can get to you as well sometimes?

I think the point about a "better life" will apply in my son and DiL's case. In London they could only afford a tiny apartment and buying a house would have meant a huge mortgage.
They get so much more for their money in Australia and they have all her friends and family around.
I have to admit that they have probably made the right decision and secured a better life for themselves

Fully understand and sympathise. 100% of my offspring lives in Australia, plus 4 grandchildren. They all left home immediately after university, married Australians and eventually emigrated for good. Great jobs and lovely homes, Australian grandparents very much part of their lives: they are happy, but I so wish it could be different. I hope you will settle quickly and not feel sad for long

We have two sons who live close to us and who we see every weekend and sometimes in the week too. Then we have our daughter and her three children who are living in New Zealand at the moment. Her working life is better, much better working conditions, but much of everything else is not better, as I said in my earlier post. I also went into detail about why it is not better. A better life is a myth. Life is much the same if you live in a first world country. Some bits may be better, others worse, but essentially ‘a better life’ is a myth. People go because they want adventure, something a bit different, maybe better working conditions as in the case of medics because we treat the medical profession very poorly in this country, but a better life? No, it’s much the same with a few differences.

Calendargirl

My DD married an Australian 21 years ago. Her 3 children are now 20, 19 and 16. Cannot pretend I know them half as well as the 2 GC who live in the same town as us.

Is it a better life? No, not really. Boiling hot summers, cold winters, (they live in Canberra), high taxes, cost of living still expensive. Housework, cooking, jobs, you still have them to do if the other side of the world.

It’s not all barbecues and Bondi beach.

But it’s where her DH is from, and where they choose to live.

I just wish it were somewhere in Europe, so much more accessible.

For me it is the other way round. My son met an Australian girl who was working over here and twelve years ago they went with their two children to live in Canberra. We have been to see them four times and they have been back twice. I think that they have a better life than they would have had here and for that reason we are happy for them. We Skype every week but as the children get older it gets more difficult to fit in with their activities. I have two more grandchildren here but it doesn't stop me wishing that we could all be together more often.

Yes it was worse pre technology. A family member left on a £10 ticket and never returned for a visit; in those far off days fares were more expensive than they are now while wages of course were much less.

A natural reaction, which I'm sure everyone will understand... particularly the many who are in a similar position with distant relatives. The so-called "global village" is something of a myth, particularly for those of us who are of advancing years, and for whom long haul flights are physically demanding, if not outright medically inadvisable, quite apart from the expense. Good that you're concentrating on the positives for them, and that today we have so much more opportunity for live communication via the internet, unlike in the distant days of my youth when those lightweight airmail letters plus the very occasional long distance phone call were all we had to rely on. All will be well.

I to feel your sadness as my son and his wife and my grandson live out in Oz.
I miss them every day, but I comfort myself, knowing they have a better life out there and this country has gone to the dogs.

Once flights are involved seeing grown children is complicated and takes advance planning.
Like Not Spaghetti I would be happy if mine lived a car drive away. Even if it was a very long drive.
My AC has been away fir 16 years and there is a loss of connection as we can’t be part of their everyday lives as they aren’t part of ours. It is what it is.
FaceTime is good and better than nothing but it’s not the same as a really lovely hug.

dragonfly - I don't think those of us with family overseas necessarily rely on children to make us happy. I have lots of positives in my life aside from my children. That said, it's very different having family the other side of the world (if you have little/no spare cash for visits) and having them just a car journey away.

I'm not envious of those who see their adult children and grandchildren "all the time" because that's not how I'd choose to live but it is nice to know you can see people for real at least now and then.

Both my AC live nearly three hours away. We see them fairly regularly but certainly not weekly or daily.
We do not rely on them or our DGC to make us happy.
I am envious of those who see their offspring all the time but I am pleased my DC are happy and settled and have made a life for themselves.

I too share your sadness. One of my daughters lives in Canada the other moved to Sweden after Brexit. I’m so happy they are all settled and well. We get to see them fairly regularly/ but it’s so tough not being part of their lives. The GC are growing so fast and I can feel a disconnect now. It’s a constant money worry for us - if we can’t afford to go and see them etc. A friend told me ‘ you have to live for yourself’ now . We are trying but the emotional toil is ever present. I don’t tell them I miss them now as it’s difficult for them too. We just have to be happy they are well.
Take care of yourself and make plans for the future to go and see them. It helps

Can I just second (or third?) the comments about parcels when they ard small?
Our daughter really loved getting silly things in the post from my parents. Also, when they wrote they often included a sheet of stickers, a photo or a drawing of somewhere they had been- and once an illustration of a dream in which my daughter had featured!

Obviously as the children get older these things aren't so exciting but while they are small, even small things are fun.

My son has lived in Vancouver since leaving university nearly 20 years ago. I have only met me 21/2 year old grandson online. I thank god for modern technology we WhatsApp most days . I think back to my grandfather brother who went to Calgary after the war and the only contact was a Xmas card . So I am at least thankful and love it when my gs says hi grannie

You can make it work Philippa60! My DD has lived in Australia for 19 years now - for nearly 10 she has been married to a lovely Aussie and has 3 children, aged 8 and twins of 5. We are lucky to be able to afford to visit and they come here when they can. It was scary during Covid as before that we had always said to each other that we were only 24 hours away if something bad happened, and suddenly they may as well have been on the moon. We get on well with DSiL's family and keep in touch with them too - of course I feel jealous when I know that 'Nanna' picks them up from school once a week, and I often wish I was around to help my daughter more. Our son, who is single at the moment, is out there working in Australia too for a year, thank goodness we have a DD nearby with a baby so at least we still have one of them nearby. You do learn to cope with all the feelings about the separation, and as everyone has said there are thank goodness lots of ways to keep in touch. Our grandchildren have lots of Photobooks of the family (Snapfish or similar) which show all of us doing things together when we do visit, which they love. One other thing - postage to Australia is ridiculously expensive but you can send books all over the world postage free via Book Depository.

These days one can keep in touch with relatives by phone and internet. My niece who is more like a daughter to me lives in the Barbados and now old age prevents me from visiting her but we keep in touch by Messenger and video calls.
In the 1970s there were no mobile phones so when my husband and I were living in France and Spain we had to find a phone box to call them.

You’ve got a wonderful attitude so you keep that with you. It’s early days and you will be grieving for the family you feel you’ve lost. Plan ahead and keep busy you seem a lovely lady I wish you all the best.

One of the things that I find difficult is not having much to talk about in calls. It’s easier if we have just visited and now we have met quite a few of their friends and know our way around their area we have a better idea of their life. I have a face to go with a name or a mental image of the walk, restaurant they talk about.
We are surrounded, whichever country we are in, with the news and events going on in our own part of the world. It could be the weather, Ukraine, the NHS even what our friends are doing. Little things that make our lives what they are but that lose something in transit.
We’ve been here a month and have only been asked about H&M once and that was by an ex pat😂

Ohhhh its so very difficult because as a parent you are so torn.

My son now lives in Canada, he married a fabulous girl from Canada and they have 2 daughters now. I have a daughter here who I see a lot and I am very involved in my grandchildrens lives, cinema, sleepovers, days out, pantomime, picnics, baking, sewing, in fact you name it and we do it all together, so there lies the guilt and a sense of wanting to be able to do exactly the same with my granddaughters in Canada. Yes they have an absolutely fabulous life out there and I am over the moon that they do, much more than over the moon and yes I video call them and see what they are doing..... BUT of course there is that tiny part that lives within you, thatvwon't leave you, that feeling of upset, BUT in an odd way I don't want it to leave me because if it left then that would indicate I had no care.

So i send sewing over to them, i write them cards that I love them and i am thrilled to bits they have such an amazing life over there and i just accept that tiny bit that lurks within me of upset because it is what it is..... I most certainly wouldn't let my feelings known to them... never, that would be extremely selfish.

My sisters son and his family moved away to live in Asia. She was dreading it but they actually have more contact with her now than they did before! Although they lived in the same town they were always so busy that she saw them rarely and phone calls were few and far between. Now they speak regularly and my sister is lucky enough to be able to go over there for a few months later in the year. It isn't the end, it just becomes another way of keeping in touch.

My son and his wife and granddaughter used to live overseas it was hard not seeing them as much yes you got video calls etc but you learn to live with it you don’t have much choice unless you go and live near them. My son and his family did it for 8yrs then they came back to England now they live 300 miles away near my daughter inlaws family i still got to see my granddaughter regularly but it’s natural to feel a bit jealous of the other grandparents if they see grandkids all the time and have a better bond I do but that’s life you learn to live with it when you have sons lol

Sorry you are feeling sad but you have the right attitude. Of course you will miss your son and his family but you already have a plan to meet up, so look forward to that, keep busy and enjoy the other little family who live nearby. I'm sure you already know all this as you sound like a very sensible lady!
Best of luck! Life goes on...........

I think any distance is too far away until you adjust. Even a few miles let alone a different continent.
But time will ease things and you will soon get used to being a Whats app Granny. I wonder too if you would be able to visit. My friend was in exactly that position and now looks forward to planning her holidays there. She saves hard but figures if she was having an annual holiday in europe it would cost more than her flight and of course board and lodgings won't cost her much( I suspect the treats do though) She goes every couple of years and now does the journey alone. In her 80's and is blessed with good health.
Sending hugs for now though x