What were you told about marriage?

As posted above I didn’t get married until 1991. And before that we’d led a ‘fulfilling’ life, so there was no mystery involved for either of us - plus we’d lived together beforehand.
So maybe expectations were different. We’ve always had a joint bank account and since the first hiccup (he bought a fishing rod without consulting me, which left us rather poor for a while) we’ve always discussed purchases from that joint account. And never argued when things were tight. We did fall into pink and blue job roles, but he will do anything where need be. I’m not so good at some of his heavier jobs though!
Surely that’s what a relationship should be, both pulling the oars to keep the boat afloat.

My mother told me to have a bank account that my husband wouldn't know about.

My mother told me it was better to be happily single than unhappily married. She was very happily married, as am I. But perhaps we made better choices because we felt no family or societal pressure on us when we made our decision.

I have 2 sisters, one died unmarried at 45, the other married at 47, again happily. My daughter decided at a very young age not to marry and not to have children Again neither at home nor elsewhere was any pressure put on her to do otherwise, plus she had the example of two unmarried aunts (when she was a child). Both with good careers and their own homes.

My mum told me that marriage wasn't the be-all and end-all which was surprising advice in a couple of ways. One, because she spent most of her life wanting a full-time partner, even if not a husband, despite having had 2 bad marriages. Two, because it's been most apt for me. I had no aspiration to marry and when I did I hated it and have no intention of ever doing it again.

Wasn’t told much but observed plenty. We threw away what wouldn’t work for us and kept what did. Happy we charted our own path, as we’re pretty content now with our marriage since our sons flew the nest. We did preach respect to our sons growing up, because it’s the bedrock of any successful relationship. So far they are all doing well in their own nuclear families now and we’re very proud of that.

We've been married 63 years and my husband still has a struggle with the notion that he could do any kind of housework or even make a cuppa.
Obviously he has learned, but its been an uphill task.

I was also given the 'married love' book and it did say that about the towel and blood. I was expecting a gush of blood and gore akin to a heavy period and was surprised to see just a drop or two.

I wanted to be a.wife like my Mum and my ex wanted a wife like his Mum......... didn't last long.

I was told nothing about ‘marriage’. But then we had been practicing for a while beforehand.

That was certainly true of my m.i.l. sodapop.

Dee1012

My parents married at the end of the 50's and it was a very 'equal' relationship...both worked, my mum p/t and my dad always helped around the house etc.

When I got married, my dad said to me 'never have a joint bank account - keep your own money and if he ever raises a hand to you or is involved with another woman you leave and you don't go back.'

Dee1012 My parents married at the end of the 50's and it was a very 'equal' relationship.

We married at the end of the 50s and have a very equal, teamwork relationship. We each do what we do best.

I admit I've never felt any need to worry over precisely who played with the children, changed nappies, had the checque book - shared tasks. No need to question.

In my experience whilst wives in the forties, fifties and even sixties appeared to be less dominant than their husbands they in fact controlled the household.
It was said that husbands made the important decisions about whether to join the Common Market or who to vote for. Wives decided if they should buy a car, move house, go on holiday etc.

My parents married at the end of the 50's and it was a very 'equal' relationship...both worked, my mum p/t and my dad always helped around the house etc.

When I got married, my dad said to me 'never have a joint bank account - keep your own money and if he ever raises a hand to you or is involved with another woman you leave and you don't go back.'

This article is a vey middle class (Janet and John) view of the life of a woman in the 1950's. Upstairs, downstairs, woman at home, etc. etc.

I was born in 1941. In 1945 my parents needed to move back to East London as my Dad work (in the fur trade) was based there.

We (parents, me, and an mjuch older rother) lived in four attic rooms in a very largfe house. All 'upstairs' four flights of them. Three of these rooms had to be used as bedrooms. All rooms had a vey sloping cieling - my growthhieght was measured up a ceiling!!! Apart from the water that ran down the walls, the only tap was a cold water one over a tiny corner sink on the landing. Cooker in that other room. Mum worked part-time, which meant that by the age of 7 yrs I was getting myself to and from school by myself and often left 'home alone' during holidays (latch key kids we were called).
In 1950 we were moved to an out of city new housing estate, and had a semi-detached house. As this meant that Mum was now leaving even earlier to get to work and arriving home even later, I was in the care of a next door neighbour after school. Yes, she was a 'stay at home Mum' as she had two very young children. However, in order to get some extra money she was an outworker (as were most of the SAH Mums on the estate. Her house was crammed full with these outworking items, and she spent most of her time trhing to keep up the demands of fulfilling the numbers on these. Very different from the image of Mum in this article!!!

We moved back to East London, to a flat, in 1954 to be closer to work for my Dad. Soon afterwards my parents purchased their first ever fridge. Still no washing machine, Mum used the 'bag wash' each week for our washing, and Best wash once a month. Shopping list was left weekly with local shop ion her way to work and delivered by lad on a bike that night, when she returned home.

My mother told me not to rely on my husband's circle of friends for my social life, but to keep my own friends. I think my dad had been a live wire before marriage, (they married quite late). After marriage he didn't want much 'gadding about' just to stay home. I have always kept my own cicle of friends, and so has he. Its just the way it has turned out. We do have couple friends but not as close as the group of female friends I have had for over 40 years.

sparkly1000

Slightly off the marriage topic, at 17 my mother enlisted in the WAAF. She would be posted abroad.

The night before her departure my grandmother summoned her for the “sex” talk. It went thus -

“We have always held our heads very high in this family and I hope we will continue to do so”.

Ooh, very ‘Downtown’ Sparkly and stiff upper lip! Admirable in its own way.
😁

We never got the ‘talk’. How we managed I’ll never know ...

Seriously though, looking back 50+ years (I know, it scares me to even think that far back), I think the reason we all got married at about 20y or so was because of sex! You pretty much couldn’t relax and get it without being married! In 1973 there was no way José my parents would agree even to any kind of a holiday together. My cousin and his wife ‘lived in sin’ at this time, same age as us. I was in awe at their chutzpah! I didn’t dare. Just fumbles in the dark after the last bus home. Sigh.

Littleannie

My mother gave me a book called Married Life. It recommended that on your wedding night you put a towel under you to soak up the blood!

Enough to scare the bejaysus out of anybody Littleannie!
😱

On the eve of my wedding: Dad took me somewhere private to talk about contraception, at which I told him I had been on the pill for ages; and my Mum said "You know you can change your mind right up to the last minute."

My mum told us she didn’t want lots of kids but she had no choice it wasn’t nice hearing that growing up. I remember the mangle in my grans back yard my mum worked hard with the very basics as well as working part time.

My dad was a good man and helpful in the house but he did have a rigid timetable for meal times. He was rather old fashioned and quite strict but didn’t want us to go astray none of us did. It was wrong but we were told as girls we would just get married and have kids our brothers future was in trades.

It was a very working class attitude they were brought up that way themselves so there was no such thing as having ambition. I look back and see the faults but my parents cared for us and did their best.

I didn’t marry until 1991. Both sets of parents told us to forget lust, that the best partner was someone that’d look after you, come what may. They were right. I’d add to make conversation when times are good as well as when tense, so talking becomes natural.

I don't believe I was taught to accept anything.

I knew I wanted to stay at home with our children, not work outside our home, cook, do the books for his business - all of it, not drudgery to me. My parents felt Oxbridge was for sons, I hated school regardless. Marriage at 16 meant over 60 years and counting with the love of my life.

Slightly off the marriage topic, at 17 my mother enlisted in the WAAF. She would be posted abroad.

The night before her departure my grandmother summoned her for the “sex” talk. It went thus -

“We have always held our heads very high in this family and I hope we will continue to do so”.

My mother married shortly before WW2 - her elder sister got married shortly afterwards. The night before the wedding, my granny was evidently afraid that the bride was still ignorant of ‘the facts of life’ because she said to my mother, ‘Does she know?? Does she know?? Tell her!’ 😂
(Of course she did.)

I don’t remember being told anything about marriage I just know that my mum and dad seemed fine, usual ups and downs but my dad was a good man mum worked so I spent a lot of time with my maternal grandparents grandad worked a an ran a small boarding house
By the time I got married at 20 I was expecting a faithful husband ( like my Dad) well that was a shock !!!

I was told nothing at all. But, we are still here almost 53 years later.

Even though my mother was unhappily married to my (violent) father, she got anxious if you were single after 22 or 23! The feeling was that there was no time to waste. I married at 26 which I think she considered rather late and when I mentioned breaking off my engagement, she was horrified (I didn’t).
My youngest sister married at 35 which must have put her through the mill…